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why am i so angry with my boyfriend?
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why am i so angry with my boyfriend?

lately, the past 3/4 weeks, i have been So angry with current boyfriend, of around 6 months. we get along (obviously) ususally, but i have been getting so so angry with him recently to the point where i am sure i become hysterical (hard to say) but i do. i feel like i want to break up with him so much, but then i dont want to at the same time. i say i hate him to his face, i slapped him a few days ago (after a few drinks) for him being "rude". which he was. he doesnt supply me, which what i need emotionally. he hardly contacts me ie calling/texting/anything. and it frustrates and then infuriates me! ive been taking b vitamins and lemon balm tablets and a organic flower tincture in an attempt to quell my anger, but it doesnt work. i spoke to him today (i called him, surprise!!) and i just got enraged. i think its the way he speaks to me, or it must be the way we communicate, i generally shout. (i'm a redhead, fiery temper) he doesnt listen, i dont get any emotion from him, or i feel i dont at times, he doesnt give me back what i put out. i really cant stand these arguments anymore, its only 6 months, it shouldnt be so much hard work should it? i dont know if its me having brought issues forward from my last relationship, whom was terrible. he took my self esteem, and looked at other women constantly. i never trusted him. i get jealous, paranoid, mistrustful, skeptical and just so angry. i cant calm down. its only him in my life who gets this anger directed at him. he is very forgiving and trustworthy, and would make a good friend, its just i dont feel enough emotion or that my needs are being met. i want him to meet my very simple needs, but he doesnt and when i try to bring up communication we argue, because i cant keep calm. i hate him seeing his female friend whom he had to choose between me and her at the beginning of the relationship, after i had cheated on him, very stupidly and regrettably with my stupid ex. he forgave me, i think, fully. and i am still very sorry. its really getting me down, i want to break up if we stay like this, its like we cant communicate. he tries to talk to me nicely and be affectionate. though we have been on a short break recently. i dont know if its all in my mind and i'm creating a problem, or to dump him. though before this i really wanted us to work  and lasta long time. i just want him to be more affectionate and loving and trusting and have patience with me. i have been treated badly in the past. i have built up some self esteem lately. its dragging me down. and i cant deal with it alone. RANT. but please help. x problems arised after he spent a day with his female friend weeks ago. he hasnt since.
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3 Comments Post a Comment
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404138_tn?1308945256
Ok so you went through a bad relationship before him, yet you cheated on him,you say he doesn't meet your needs, then you flip out at him.
Sit down talk to him about it face to face what you need from him
and see if you two can work it out, see if he's willing to meet your needs, if he doesnt change and you cant accept that, dont be with him.
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404138_tn?1308945256
You are lucky he didnt slap you back as Teko said, I used to get so filled with anger about other things that were going on and my bf would know how to push my buttons, but if I slapped him, I know I would get it right back. You dont have a right to lay a hand on him and neither does he, but maybe something else is causing you to lash out. Its not healthy to be so angry. Maybe it's best you take a break and focus on yourself right now.

Good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
You are lucky to have a boyfriend with this attitude maybe you need counsling, not many men take to women yelling and slapping them no one , no matter how mad they get should put their hands on another one in anger, and you can help it, just control your temper, also it sounds like you need to grow up, because if you do this to one guy you will keep doing it until someone hurts you   luck  jo
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Avatar_m_tn
I hate to say it this way, but you need to seek some help.  You have issues that you are carrying forward from a previous relationship, cheated on your b/f with the guy (I assume) you had issues with.  What enrages you so much?
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry that i did not answer your question  the answer is that is I do not know why you are mad at your boyfriend but that you should go to a therapist,as something seems to be bothering you, and this is not acceptable behavior,
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Avatar_m_tn
It sounds to me like you have a pretty patient and forgiving boyfriend here, that he is still around and still wants to be with you, despite your cheating and despite your angry outbursts.

Do you know why you are getting so angry?  What are you so angry about?  Is it just that he doesn't call/text you as much as you would like?  Is it that you feel you are not communicating properly?  I wonder whether there is more to it, whether there are deeper reasons, whether you are angry at him for something that you are not telling about or maybe don't even fully realise yourself.  Maybe you are even taking out on him some inner anger about something else that's not even to do with him?  I would agree with the other posters that you could benefit from seeing a counsellor to explore why you are so angry.

I don't know what your boyfriend is like, but communication problems are the responsibility of both people involved, him and you.  If you have difficulty having a conversation about serious or important stuff without getting angry, it is likely that his reaction will be to try and avoid having those conversations at all, so you are both contributing to the problem.  Similarly, if you are getting upset with him for not calling or texting you, he is unlikely to react by calling you more often; it is more likely that he will sense you are being clingy and desperate, and that if he does call you it is likely to end up in an arguement, so he will be more likely to avoid calling you.

If you want to save this relationship, if you want to hold onto someone who sounds (from your comments) like a decent guy, you'll need to get a handle on your behaviour and your anger.  Even if this relationship doesn't survive, it would still do you benefit to address this.
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213398_tn?1202674074
i'm not trying to sound like a psychologist but it sounds like you may have borderline personality disorder. look it up and see if it fits the bill. if it does. its not that difficult to treat. you may need group therapy which is considered the best course of action for borderline personality disorder. hope it works out
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145992_tn?1341348674
Yes, counseling is very imperative here.  You contradict yourself all throughout this post.  One minute he's unaffectionate and rude, the next he's a great friend and attentive.  I'm confused and so are you.  It seems you may have what the above poster stated or you need some good anti-anxiety meds.  You are taking out the hurt you have from your previous relationship out on this guy and you are very lucky he is still there.  He probably doesn't want to talk to you for fear of you getting angry and having an outburst.  He probably struggles with dealing with you so thinks it's best to stay away.  You both need to work on communication issues.  Your aggressive natures causes him to shut down and that's probably why he doesn't listen to you.  You will never solve any of your issues by doing this.  I don't know how old you are or how old your bf is but I think you need individual counseling yourself and once you are able to deal with your anger then your problems communicating just might resolve themselves.  Good luck.
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531467_tn?1228418963
You need to get HELP asap and NOT be in a relationship.  You need to work on yourself and be happy.

After sometime, when you're ready (if your BF is still interested), you all need to start your relationship all over again.

This is not a relationship.  
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Avatar_n_tn
In my opinion it may be that shes so angry because he doesn't get angry back at her and this confuses her and even more enrages her. Just food for thought. :)
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Avatar_m_tn
I had a girl who never trusted me and got mad at me a lot. she never hit me but she would always send me messages on facebook of all places telling me how much she hated me.
it  didn't help our relationship and i finally called it off after she just kept being mad at everyone ( i was over there helping her with her chemistry homework and she was just so angry for having to do school work) I think you need to trust him. and if you cant quell his anger stop being with anybody its not fair to somebody who has done nothing wrong to be yelled at, slapped, and mistrusted.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Ok, what I see here is a dysfunctional relationship and it unexceptable that you have raised your hands to him, just be cause you feel he is rude and tell him that you hate him. How the hell are you both supopose to have healthy relationship with this type of behavior and abuse? That makes you an abuser and you can go to jail for assult and you do not have the right to hit anyone! You are lucky he didn't call the police or worse yet, slap you back!

You definately have anger issues and I feel sorry for the guy. Also just because your a red head firey tempered girl, doesn't mean that people are going to take that crap from you!  I'm latin and I'm a forced to be reckoned with if crossed, but never abusive to the point where I feel I can slap someone around. How do you expect him to communicate, show you effection or simply just be a nice guy, when you are the bully!

It's completely unexceptable to take out your past transgressions on him. You are treating him as if he was your ex and that's just not fair and he is a fool to take it!

I don't think this relationship is going to work out, so do him the favor and break up and you have issues that need to be addressed, because no one is going to put up with your behavior. I'm dead serious when I say, you need counseling. We do have an "Anger Management" forum that you might want to take a look at, but there is no way in hell any man is going to treat you the way you want to be treated, when your a bully! Seek the proper help to get your life and relationship back on track and also, the past is the past. You have to let it go or you will never be able to move forward to a healthy, positive relationship or future. Good Luck!
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686059_tn?1293837427
Also, there are way for you to get your message and needs addressed the proper way and get effective results than agression and violence. Trust and communication are key to a relationship and what you should have done is find the right time to sit down with they guy and "discuss" your concerns, issues and needs that have not been met instead of the nasty talk, attitude and hitting (violent behavior). I really feel your relationship no longer functions, but if you do want to salvage it and if he is willing to forgive your abuse, you will have to sincerely apologize, experss to him why you have been behaving so agressively, your insecurities and doubts, your ex's behavior and how you fear that he will do the same (this is so unfair to this guy) and ask him how can you both work on the relationship and resolve the issues that need to be addressed. Also, your need that have not been met....all this by simply 'COMMUNICATING" properly and effectively by simply making him aware and asking how best to resolve the issues. Good luck.!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
This thread died off a year and a half ago - it's a bit late to start adding advice now!!!
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686059_tn?1293837427
LOL....Sammy, I didn't notice the date!!!! BUT! There is always someone who is in a similar situation that can read it and might be useful, so no waisted advice here. Someone did response and the rest followed....I usually don't after less than a few month, but oh well, someone will learn from this just like you and I came back to it. :)
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Avatar_f_tn
I completely identify with u.  Even though it is not right to act out physically.  I do the same thing to my boyfriend.  He was a great friend but as a bf I feel hes not emotional enough not there enough and so on.  I try to talk to him and I don't feel he gets it so I get louder and angrier until wet fighting and I explode.  I throw things break things and pretty much act crazy.  We have been together 1 and a half years. I struggle with the same thing. I don't know if it's us or just me....idk what u should do just wanted to say I understand and have the same problem
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Avatar_m_tn
dont trust evr never on boys....they are made to broke girls heart into pieces
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