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why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?
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why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

I'm 18 and have been dating my boyfriend for a year next month. He is 22.  Yes i am a virgin, and no he isn't a virgin. I don' want to be a virgin anymore because i am almost 19 and its not just because of that but i reallly do love him and i think he may be the one, when i asked him when are we going to try to have sex he gets alll mad at me and says he is not ready.  He has 2 past girlfriends before me and he had sex with both of them a lot, why not me? Is it because im a virgin? Back in june he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend he told her he wanted sex with her but she refused to and wouldn't do it, but he tried to so technically he didn't cheat on me but in a way he did because i know if she said yes they would of. It was wrong for him to even ask to begin with but the point is why did he go to her and not me? My friend said maybe because he respects me and just wanted a piece of *** from her because he thought she was an easy target, could that be true? He told me once he never masterbrated before. Is that weird? I found that very weird. I do love him a lot that hes not perverted and using me like most guys but sometimes i wish he would want sex with me. I know he's not gay at least i don't think so. I'm not fat or anything a lot of guys think im pretty he says i am but why won't he ever try to sleep with me? Like i said before when i ask him he tells me hes not ready, he said because his last gf it was all about sex and he doesn't want that again, but we been toghter for almost a year and we haven't done it once and he said because he wants it to mean something he wants it to be special to him. So then i ask him was it special to your with your past girlfriends? Why was it special to them and not me now? He never really answerd the question was it special to them or not but im taking it as a yes. I need advice is it me or him? Why won't he have sex with me or anything? We hold hands, we kiss and we get along great just he won't have sex with me.
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580755_tn?1357673215
Well this is a little difficult to get into his mind but here is my opinions.
He might want to wait till he really loves you and wants you and only you. He may care about you enough to know that he shouldn't just have sex with you and he wants to make sure that it is the real thing and not just sex.
I do find it odd that he has never masterbated...he might be lying about that. I also find it weird that he cheated on you...make no mistake just because he didn;t have sex doesn;t mean he didn't cheat.
When I first had sex it was just about having sex the 1st time and then in college it was still just about sex. And after college for a couple of years it was just about sex. I didn't really care who it was with just as long as I was attracted to her. But then it started to become more, I wanted to wait to have sex and find someone where sex was not on the first date or it wasn't with some girl I met in a bar. Sex was with someone I loved. I met my now wife and went on 4 dates with her and had sex on the 4th date but I had already told her that I loved her and a couple of years later we were married.

So don't rush him, let him take his time. You have plenty of time to lose your vaginity. Don;t pressure him because it will drive him away. Don;t even talk about sex with him. When he feels the time is right he will let you know. remember the 1st time probably will hurt, but it will get a lot better.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I really can't even believe this scenario,  but I will tell you it's not way way out of the ballpark for what you see now.

When I was a teenager,  which wasn't in the dark ages - but in fact,  was more in line with the human condition  for the past thousand years - boys were climbing all over girls to have sex.  Girls were trying to protect their reputations and also trying not to get pregnant,  and so they tried to hold the boys off the best they could.  Usually,  the girls were unsuccessful holding the boys off of having sex because boys were stronger,  and boys insisted that if the girls loved the boys,  they'd have sex with them.  Also,  boys said that they would tell everyone she'd had sex with him anyway, so she might as well give in and do it.

I'm amazed at this generation,  truthfully.  Girls are begging boys to have sex with them, and the boys are refusing.  Girls keep begging.  Boys keep saying no.

Is this a weird dream?
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Avatar_f_tn
I'd dump him.  He sounds like he really isn't into you so why waste anymore time.  Move on and find someone who is into you.
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Avatar_n_tn
because he won't have sex with me that means hes not into me? We get along hes always showing me affection and were with each other a lot, some weeks we see each other everyday but its always at least 3 times a week. I love him a lot and it would hurt a lot if thats the reason why he doesn't want to be with me like that because hes not really into me. He has such a low sex drive and i don't know why its soo weird. He won't ever think dirty stuff or talk dirty or anything. I used to hate guys like that and yeah i still do but if its him i would like it because then i know hes a guy lol and not gay.
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627145_tn?1230309226
I had a boyfriend like that when I was in college.  It turned out he had another girlfriend at home.  I don't know if he was having sex with her or not, but I switched over to dating his roommate, and life was good.    
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Avatar_n_tn
so i asked him today why he won't again and he said because his 2 past girlfriends were all about sex and then the relationship fell apart because thats all they were about. He said he really loves me and he doesn't want our relationship fall apart because of sex he says sex can break a relationship. He said he doesn't want it to be just another girl he wants it to be love next time. So hes saying he doesn't love me enough to have sex with me but he always tells me he loves me? Does this make any sense? Could any of this be true?
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189069_tn?1323405738
Hmmm, not sure. Only HE knows that and it's up to you if you want to trust him. He's probably telling you the truth, but then if he doesn't want sex to ruin your relationship, then why did he try to have sex with someone else? Wouldn't THAT ruin your relationship quicker? Good luck with him. Think about it though.
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632285_tn?1252641988
I always hate to post negative posts; but, could he have an STD that he doesn't want to transmit to you?
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Avatar_f_tn
This is breaking my heart. Honestly it is weird that he doesn't want to have sex with you, but is willing to with an ex. I think that he either isn't totally into the relationship, still wishes it had worked out with an ex, or that he simply is telling the truth and wants to make it special. I know how you feel its a tought thing..im having a similar problem. You're a strong girl for staying with him after he cheated..I just hope you don't blindly trust him. Maybe you should try doing some other sexual things and then maybe he'd want to idk. Boys are complicated.
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906945_tn?1323359253
Are you sure you want him to be your first? you waited 18 years jus hold out a bit longer until you find the right guy, your virginity once lost is nothing you can get back....and um asking the ex for sex seriously? i personally would have left right then well i jus advise that you get him tested for stds i've heard too many stories about bfs with holding sex n because pressured finally does it jus to share stds your are a young woman n i trust you'd make the right decision whatever you do just look out for yourself.
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