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Avatar universal

why would he end it in an instant?

Hi everyone:  1st post here.
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 months. He has 10 years of sobriety and is really involved in AA, I had 3 months of sobriety until last Tuesday, I slipped and took a pill. When he arrived at my house on wednesday night for a date, I admitted to him that I had taken a pill, and that I felt terrible about it, and had no plans to go back to pills. He told me there would be no more romance in our relationship that night – she said we could be friends, but no romance anymore. I have not heard from him in 6 days, nor have I called him or texted him either. I have not taken a pill or used since I had that slip and I feel terrible that he left me. I cant help but think he must have wanted out of the relationship prior to my slip, he was pretty quick to end it. I don’t understand how you can be in a relationship for 3 months which I thought had been going very well and he thought so too, last we discussed it. I am very hurt and I don’t  get it. I know he told me one time that he did not want any chaos in a relationship…. I feel really hurt and abandoned. I want to call him and ask questions, like is there another woman, and why would he leave me when I made a mistake, I am a stable person with the same job for 15, own my own home, no debt, im not a totally messed up person.  Does anyone have any insight whatsoever…. At this point, im trying not to call, and wait it out, try to calm down and see if answers come to me. I am so hurt, rejected feel like ****. Sorry this got so long. So anyone who reads this I appreciate and am open to feedback if you are so inclined.
13 Responses
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1100763 tn?1264628498
You need to be honest with your counselor and your self, I feel like you are reassuring your self that it is okay to take the pain pills. When you have an addiction problem you should stay far away for this kind of action.  Why the narcotic  pain pills when there is so many options for pain re leaf. This is something that you need to be honest to you self about. What is more pain full? You need to talk to you doctor, and tell him you have an addiction problem and you need to find a alternative medication to deal with the pain.You don't t wont to start another cycle of bad behavior. Good luck and hope you feel better soon.        
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You can start getting your life back on track by accepting what you can't change, accepting that you are human and prone to error and most important, start being honest with youself and with people. Small steps, but yes you can do it and at the right time and place you will get your life back and you will get yourself back together, but start with honest and truth...it will set you free :) Good luck and I hope you heal soon. Judy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you all for your sincere feedback. You all gave some honest and insightful feedback which I appreciate.  (Sorry so long to respond, I haven’t logged in since my 1st post and was surprised to see all of your responses)

I have seen him a couple times as friends and it’s difficult for me to see him since I still have feelings for him and it’s painful. I asked him if my using was a threat to his sobriety and he said no, but he just kept saying he wants to be with someone sober…  So, I obtained another 45 days of sobriety and  then I injured myself at the gym doing yoga, (I pulled my piriformas  muscle – butt muscle and it smarts!! and it shoots down my leg) I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and I have taken a pain pill (oxycodone 5 mg have prescription) 3 times (in the last week or so) at night before bed for severe pain. I work full time and need my sleep. The pain is worse at night and in the a.m, but gets better when I get up and walk.

I have a sponsor in AA and now I am terrified to tell her that I have slipped up again after what happened with the guy… I feel like crap about it. I’m going to AA meetings, and haven’t had any contact with the guy in about 10 days now, no calls, emails or text msgs. He would take my call, but I’ve got nothing to say, I’m not going to beg him to come back. As Judy said, the ball is in his court and I need to get clean and stay clean and try to move on.

I have heard so many times not to get involved when newly sober, and he knew better too, (Mr. 10 years of sobriety) but we did anyway. Like Julie said affairs of the heart are difficult to deal with, it’s so true, but, I was proud that I didn’t use for 45 days and did not want to use over him, but then I got injured.  

I want to get back on track, and I truly am in physical pain, however it’s a slippery slope for me. And the guilt is killing me with my sponsor since honesty is so important.  I’m afraid to tell her because she might dump me too.

I’m in a pickle again, but feel justified in my taking the pain pill since I have a prescription and am in pain (and knowing I need to be very cautious) ideally abstain, but  I’m terrified to tell AA people.

Thank you

Helpful - 0
968908 tn?1274871115
Yeah it does sound as if by you telling him u scared him half to death, he oviously feels ur a threat to his continued recovery.  Yes u told him that it was a mistake but in his mind u slipped once so it can happen again and he anit gona take any risks of being taken down with you.....

I think your main prioity would be to think about the reason as to why u slipped and took the pill.... something made u do it, then deal with this issue to make sure it doesn;t happen again....

Anyway i hope it gets sorted quickly cause affairs of the heart can be the make or break of someone.....Just don't let it break u!! Good-luck!
Helpful - 0
1100763 tn?1264628498
Everyone makes bad choices now and then you are not perfect and he is not perfect. Keep your head-up . If it was to be then it will be. You need to take care of your self first that's  what he is doing nothing wrong with that. Sometimes if people stay away for a while they realize what they could lose.Do you attend AA together? Good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was in a commited relationship with an addict for 3 years and a half, not 3 months. He actually quited drugs and alcohol 10 months after our relationship started. First thing we did was move to another town, where he didn't know anyone, since all his friends were addicts. We did this because his NA counselor said it would be the best to get away from any person who would end up tempting him into it again. I agree with Jim, you have to get away, and thats what he did. You should know that one slip is one slip too many if you are supposed to be his strength to keep sober. Also, you should know that the longer you are sober for the harder the fall will be if you slip. You have only been sober for 3 months and one pill was your relapse, but he has been sober for 10 years! his relapse is not going to be just one drink or one pill, his relapse will be making up for the 10 years without alcohol or drugs whatever his addiction was. It was a wise decision on his part to leave you, now you need to move on, be sober for yourself and not for others, surround yourself with people who can help you out and try to beat the 3 month sober mark!! keep it up!!!
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
I agree with Jim. I also believe that recovering addicts are told not to get involved in any relationship until they've been sober for at least a year. Any heartache can push an addict over the edge and could be used as a reason to start using again. Its best for you not to get involved with someone so soon as well. Get healthy and stick to sobriety then get romantically involved. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412
yes, jo....STAY OFF THE PILLS..please
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with all of the above, but if he loves you he just may come back, but do not hope
Just be strong and stay off of the pills   luck to you  jo
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412
One of the first things they tell you in AA and NA is DO NOT BECOME INVOLVED with another addict, recovering or not.  He is remaining true to himself. (believe me, as a recovering prescription med addict, I'm familiar with many similar situations)


Jim
Helpful - 0
902589 tn?1268148853
I think it's great that you were off pills(i'm guessing pills since that's what you took?) for 3 months. I do agree that he may have felt like that one slip up would lead to you falling and going back to the pills and he may have been looking out for himself, and not wanted to be brought down by you. However, I do commend you for admitting that you slipped up and took the pill and commend you for stopping. It's very very hard to quit something cold turkey and there are bound to be small mistakes along the way.

That being said, you were only in a relationship for 3 months with this guy, and yes he could have ended it because you slipped up, or he could have just not wanted a serious relationship, or any number of reasons. I think it was very selfish of him to just give up on you after one mistake you made and I would just move on with my life and try and find someone who won't turn their back on you at the first sign of trouble.

Stay strong and keep your sobriety, I'm sure it'll all work out, either with him or with someone even better :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with Judy. He is looking our for himself and he needs to. Give him a call. But be careful, you have one slip up. Seek help if need be. Good Luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He is now sober and you are a risk to him for a set back. He doesn't want to back to his old ways and if you can't control yourself with temptations, you are an obsticle to his well being and health. Sorry to be so blunt, but he want someone who will move forward and not take erroneous steps back that can cause him to fall back into a destructive habit. If he wants to be with you, he will call you. If you want to apologize and ask for him to reconsider the relationship, you can, but the ball is in his court and I hope you stay faithful moving in a positive direction in your life or you will lose everything that you love and want. Good luck, Judy
Helpful - 0
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