will my boyfriend propose?

[StanShel21]

My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and a half years. We have talked about getting married and having kids he used to love talking about it until it became close to becoming a possibility, like when i finished college he no longer wanted to talk about our future. when i talk about getting married he says we've only lived together a few months he wants to live together for atleast 2 years before getting engaged and then we can start talking about getting married because he wants to know that were right for eachother, he used to know... or atleast say he knew, and now.... he wants to know that we are right for eachother? what happened since then? and when talking about kids he never wants to talk about parenting styles anymore... i went months without mentioning it because he was feeling pressured and i understood so i dropped the subject completely for about 4 months and lastnight asked him how he felt about me making a savings account for our wedding and he got kinda distant and just didn't wanna talk about it. i just don't know where this is heading. what should i do?

[evewisewoman]

I agree with all the other women who have answered your post.
Based on what you have written, I don't think your boyfriend will ask
you to marry him. Just curious. Are your boyfriend's parents divorced
or is anyone in his family, brothers, sisters separated or going through
a divorce? You say you've been together about 3 and 1/2 years and
that you've lived together for several months ?  Your boyfriend sounds
rather controlling to me. You said he said to you that he wanted to
live together at least 2 years and then get engaged and then the two
of you can talk about marriage. Do you see what he is doing?
Your boyfriend Is calling the proverbial shots. To me, he appears very
controlling and that's not what you want in a boyfriend or a life time
partner. You're young. You're only 21 years old. Your boyfriend sounds
like the kind of guy that even if you were to live with him for 2 years,
he would find another excuse not to get engaged. He has a fear of
commitment. That's obvious to me. Every time you want to talk about
a future together with him, you say he becomes distant. He is actually
being disrespectful to you by treating you in this way. It's like well, we
will live together for 2 years and then I'll decide whether you're good
enough for me to marry. That's being disrespectful to you. He's stringing
you along. I know you want to avoid the subject, but you are going to
need to summon up your courage and talk about it. Is there a possibility
you can move out of the place that you are living together and live with
a family member, your parents if that is a possibility?
There is a book that I am going to recommend that you try and get a
hold of and read. It's called " Are You The One For Me ? " written
by Barbara De Angelis. ( Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong).  There is a website called ABE books where you might be
able to order this book which was published in 1992.  I'm not sure
if Barbara De Angelis has her own website. She might. It is an excellent
book. I have loaned this book to several women friends of mine.
One scenario is to have " the talk" with your boyfriend. Don't say something like we've been together for 3 and a half years. Either we
get engaged or I'm walking out this door. That's an ultimatum and
basically emotional blackmail. You do have to have a talk though.
You could tell him how you really feel and see what happens.
You'll find the words, but remember this. You deserve to be treated
respectfully, you deserve to be treated in a loving way.
Try and get a hold of that book I mentioned. It's an easy read and it
is so enlightening. There is also a chapter in this book called  " Six
Qualities to Look for in a Mate". , Compatibility : Finding Out Who's
Right for You." ,  Commitment: Making and Keeping One When It's
Right, and Letting Go When It's Wrong".  Here are the names of
other titles in this book that are so interesting to read. " The Ten
Types of Relationships That Won't Work", " Fatal Flaws" and my
favorite Compatibility Time Bombs".  I'm in my second marriage
myself. I wish I had read this book before I married my ex husband.
The truth is I never would have married my first husband if I had
read this book.  So, the best of luck to you.  Life provides us with
life lessons. Every experience helps you to grow. The best of luck
to you. Also, last piece of advice. If you leave this relationship,
you will need time to heal, regain your self esteem and learn to love
yourself again. Peace be with you.  Eve

[Londres70]

Sorry dear, but this is not heading in a direction that's in your favor.

Sounds like he is not sure about marrying you and/or marriage period.  

I surely wouldn't recommend continuing to live with him while he is reaping the benefits without putting a wedding ring on your finger or at least an engagement ring on your finger.

[AnnieBrooke]

I agree.  He's not serious, or at least he doesn't want to be at this point.  And you are settling for someone who is not serious because you don't want to rock the boat, but half a loaf and is NOT better than none.  You don't have the chance to find someone new and you are not being treated right. He's basically keeping you on the hook and not committing. Tell him you're glad to have him think things over for two years, and to call you when he decides, but that you might be married by then to the man of your dreams and the man of your dreams is not some little boy who is afraid the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  He probably enjoyed playing house with you for a while, but now that he has to put up or forget it, he is just wishing to stall you for a while longer, for more free sex and cute roommate benefits.  Forget it.

[specialmom]

I agree.  I'm sorry to say but I think he is just dragging his feet.  I would not allow him to dictate how everything goes.  I personally never lived with a man before marrying them.  I refuse to act like someone's wife if they aren't going to make the full commitment.  So, my now husband proposed, we married and then we lived together as a married couple.  

I'd move out.  If he wants to continue dating ----  and you want to, do so.  You don't test drive a wife.  That's not fair to you.  If he wants to be married and live like he is married, then he needs to take that step.  If he doesn't, then he needs to let you be free to find someone who does if that is your goal.

I'm partly old fashioned in that I do believe in marriage----  but it is more than that.  I don't want to do the work of a wife without being one.  So, in practical terms ----  I just think living together isn't a great plan for the woman especially.  

I don't believe in ultimatums though either.  I really wanted my husband to be excited to have found me and to have me as his wife.  It had to be his idea with no coercion on my part.

I will say many a man has a woman say "I'm not playing anymore" and walk away to then decide he made a horrible mistake and get back with her.  And if he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

that's my opinion. Refuse to live with him and see how he responds.  good luck

[CRSeaside]

Dear will my boyfriend propose,
    No I don't think your boyfriend will propose.  At this point if I were you, I'd reverse things a bit. Don't even live together. Let him work out his commitment issues without you.
     Something similar happened in my life, I thought we were already engaged, we had discussed everything. Like you & your boyfriend awhile back in time.    We were looking for a boat, & I saw one out of the price range we'd set.  So, I said, "I'll just buy this boat with my money.".  He exclaimed ,
" I can't let you do that!" .     Well I went berserk. I thought we were to be together. Blah blah. I'm done with you misleading blah blah. I'm leaving right now & never ever coming back.   He has only cried 2 x & he begged me to at least stay the night.  He held me & cried. Please don't ever leave me. I was going to propose to you in Costa Rica. ( which is probably rubbish, but his back was against the wall). I wasn't bluffing. Like you I was extremely hurt & felt he had been misleading me on.
       My advise to you. Your education is complete or are you going on for an advanced degree?  Can you be emotionless for just a tiny bit of time? Move in with a friend quietly & serenely. Of get a place of your own, quick, like a furnished flat. Stay away from him completely.  No judgements. No fighting.
Nothing. Just think of you & only you. Your future. Your career. What to name
Your future kids.   Do you know how many girls have been left at the alter?
It's not just in the movies.  If he comes back with a plan of his own terrific.
  You can play a little hard to get, you know.  
    PS. The end to my story. Don E is my husband of 20 years. The night he cried in my arms is still the most intimate time I've ever experienced with him
     Let him come back to you, or be prepared for a new tomorrow with a new love.  It will happen. One way or the other.   Keep in touch. Pamela