About a week ago I realised that my best friend had turned into my workmate. And that we only seemed to get any time together 'on the job'. I missed him, his attention, his insight, his humour and the way I used to feel special around him.
Not that much has changed. Only his job, starting our married life, moving house and adding another baby to our family (now 3 kids). Essentially, not the amount of time we have together. We still see each other every day. Just how we are spending that time.
We used to share our interests. Go out together. See friends or invite them over. Sleep in and cuddle in bed while talking about the previous night out and how much fun we had, how good the music was, and about the interesting people we had met.
I decided that some change was definitely in order. Time to schedule time for us. Plan to take the family out for dinner. Plan something romantic to look forward to for our next anniversary (the newborn baby trumped the last one). And DO something other than just flop exhausted onto the couch at the end of the day to watch an hour of telly and then crawl into bed!
Of course, we are have mixed sucess at the moment. But already things feel more like they used to. Even just hearing about sonething that he has thought of that we could do together makes me feel more loved and valued.
Surely we can't be the only ones trying to hang onto our identities and still be parents..
Does anyone have any helpful suggestions?
Stories they can share of their own experiences?
Or are you just stuck in this situation and don't know how to fix it?...
We have 4 kids, so I know how you feel. I don't know if what we do will work for you, but at least I can throw these ideas out there.
I don't know how old your kids are, but 3 of mine are in school now, so that helps. My DH and I have lunch together at least once per week. We have the baby with us, but he's not much of a distraction at this point. If your kids are younger, you might look into finding a Mother's Day Out program, so that you can drop the kids off for a few hours once or twice a week. If not, maybe you can find a friend or relative to take them for a couple of hours during the day OR the evening. Depending on your situation, your DH may be able to come for some lunchtime love too (we've done that once or twice in 13 years). There's also the option of meeting him at a park with a picnic so the kids can play while you 2 talk.
Try to get the kids to bed early even if they just read or look at a book for a while, so the 2 of you can have some quiet time. It's so nice those nights when ours get to bed early (or even on time--LOL) and we have time together. Good luck figuring out what works for you.
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