Am I really to blame?

[trident]

My girlfriend found out she has herpes.  She assumed she got it from me because she had a breakout less than 2 weeks after we had unprotected sex for the first time.  Out first time was the beginning of SEPTEMBER '05.  She didn't realize she had herpes until her second breakout this JANUARY '06.  She had never had these symptoms before so it was easy for her to point the finger at me.  Trying to make things better I accepted the blame..... But some new informatino has arose that says otherwise, because I recently got tested.  

But first, here is some further information on each of our backgrounds:

For me, I had one other partner (to my knowledge she had oral sex with 2 other guys), however she said she tested a few times for stds, and nothing ever came up.   So as far as I know she didn't/ doesn't have herpes( however, this doesn't mean she couldn't have cheated on me though and lied to me)   Now the last time that my x-partner and I had sex ( this was my last sexual encounter of any kind up until my current girlfriend ) was February of 2005.  So this was OVER 1 YEAR AGO, however I was never tested for herpes until recently.    

For my current Girlfriend, she had 2 pervious partners.  Her first was about 3 years ago, they had sex no more than 4 times and it was protected sex the whole way ( no known stds ).   Her next partner was a one time deal, which was UNPROTECTED and also over a year ago ( however, no known stds ).  And SUPPOSIDLY this was her last sexual encounter up until myself, but she was never tested for herpes until recently.

I got tested this past week, March 15th, 2006.  I tested negative for IgG, Hsv-1, and Hsv-2.  However, I did test positive for IgM..  Now, to my understanding, when your test results appear like this, it means that you have been recently infected.  Is this true?  

Now I have never had the herpes symptoms.  My girlfriend now has them, ever since we've been sexual active.  Now I know she got tested, I do NOT KNOW exactly what she tested on each test, all I know is that her doctor told her SHE HAS HERPES.  

I'm working on finding out her test exact test results, but currently we are fighting because of the information I found out.

My doctor told me that, since I've never had symptoms and that I've only tested positive for IgM (knowing that my last sexual encounter with my pervious partner was over 1 year ago) that there is no way that I could have given my girlfrind herpes, HE EVEN SAID HE WOULD PUT HIS REPUATATION AS A PHYSICIAN ON THIS.

Now those are some bold words to say, and I wanted a second opinion to understand the facts, and I'm wanting to get to the bottom of things, my girlfriend is fighting me on me getting her exact results and our doctors talking.  

So is there a chance that I gave herpes to her?   Or did she give herpes to me?  

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Are you by chance the partner of caligirl06 ("Who gave herpes to whom?" 3/17/06)?  If so, I guess I need to take back my congratulations to her and her partner for not playing the blame game.  Whether or not you are connected to caligirl06, please read my reply to her.  As it implies, my main response to you is that your questions don't matter very much.  If a couple is sharing a genital herpes infection, what does it matter who brought into the relationship?  Also, given the fact that 25% of the population has HSV-2, there are many couples in which both have HSV-2, but neither transmitted it to the other--i.e., both came into the relationship already infected.

My other main response is that your doctor is wrong about IgM, his "reputation as a physician" notwithstanding.  Many people with new HSV-2 infections are IgM negative; and many people with chronic, longstanding infections have IgM antibody.  On top of that, the test for IgM antibody itself is unreliable; even very good labs often get falsely positive results.

Finally, and probably most important, it seems clear you do not have HSV-2 anyway.   As I already said, your IgM result is not reliable; and your negative IgG test for HSV-2 proves you were not infected (or, if you were, you acquired the infection within the past 12 weeks--which might be possible, since you are the sex partner of a woman with HSV-2 infection).

So your doc may be wrong about IgM, but his conclusion is correct:  your partner did not catch HSV-2 from you.  You are not infected, unless you are incubating an infection right now--in which case you caught it from her.  My guess is that you're not infected at all.

Please do not follow up with "he said, she said" arguments.  No matter what additional information you (or caligirl06, if she is your partner) provide, I will not mediate who gave what to whom or when it happened.  You'll need to work it out on your own, or by together visiting a herpes-knowledgeable provider.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[trident]

I understand where you're coming from... I shouldn't have asked you to play the blame game, I'm simply trying to understand my situation better...And by the way, I don't know this calgirl06, in her comment she said her boyfriend has hsv-1, which I do not, so 2 entirely differnt couples here.  

What I need to know is.....how accurate are the blood tests for IgG hsv-2... My test came up negative, but should I get a second test to be sure?  

Also, if you think that since I only tested for IgM and that I don't have HSV-2, should I be concerned with contracting the disease from my partner, should I use protection now?  

Another thing that I don't understand from your other post to the calgirl06 is that
"you had particularly painful lesions, swollen lymph nodes in the groin, or fever, then you can be quite certain you were infected only a few days before your symptoms began"

My girlfriend claims she had these symptoms ONLY AFTER we had sex for the first time.... She claims that she never had symptoms like this before......SO if I did not give it to her and it was over a year since her previous sexual encounter...how does this make any sense???

One other thing that I've read is that, if you don't have symptoms that blood tests aren't that accurate...is this true?