Big Dilema

[worriedmansick]

Dr,

I’m in quite a mess right now and the stress is eating me alive.  I have been with my current girlfriend for almost a year now and we are madly in love, have talked about getting engaged soon.  My problem is that I had genital warts before we started dating.  I went on your advice and others with the 6 months without warts, the virus should have cleared and I was not obligated to tell her about my past infection.  I went to the Dr. last week and he said I had a wart, it was tiny, naked to the eye.  I feel like such a despicable person because I have probably passed this on to my gf.  Now I don’t know what to do.  Obviously I need to tell her about the wart so she can get herself checked out, but if I tell her I knew before she would disown me for good.  This has led to some sleepless nights and much stress.  I’m so scared because I love her so much and want to raise a family with her someday.  I’m also very close with her family and I think they would disown me as well.  I feel like this news could kill us.  Please give me some advice on this topic, I would greatly appreciate it, what should I do?  We have a long distance relationship and I want to tell her as soon as possible.  Should I do it over the phone or in person?

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I can only help with medical facts; your main issue is a relationship problem, not my expertise.  I will just say that you behaved responsibly to the best of your ability.  If your partner cares about you, she should understand.  How you inform her is entirely up to you.  You might consider posting your question to Dr. Schwartz on the sexuality and relationships forum.

From a medical perspective, indeed your partner should be examined.  But you don't know whether you have infected your partner, or will.  Perhaps most important, remember that genital warts are by and large an inconvenience, not a serious health threat.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[worriedmansick]

Thanks Doc,

I guess if she can't except me for it, then I might not be with the right person, correct?  Also, just out of curiosity is it VERY RARE that they can be passed on to babies and is it only in the throat or genitals as well?  Thank You

[Englishman]

I'm not sure whether I am reading your post correctly, but you waited 6 months, had sex and now you have discovered a new wart. How long was the gap between when you first had sex with your girlfriend and the new wart showing up? If it is longer than a couple of months, there is a chance that she infected you with a new strain and she is an asymptomatic carrier. Although this is less likely than it beng a recurrence, there is no way to know for sure. Therefore there is an arugment for saying that "I have discovered a wart and you need to get checked out too" without disclosing that you maybe the source (since she may also be the source too).

P.S. I am not a doctor and this is only my understanding based on what I have read here and elsewhere.

[worriedmansick]

Dr.,

Would you agree with englishman?  Can you answer my other posted question from the other day, thx.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Transmission of warts to babies is rare and only occurs if the mom warts (usually very extensive ones) when the baby is delivered.  It's not a worry.

Englishman has it right.  When HPV or warts appear in a couple, it is almost never worth the effort to try to figure out who infected whom and when.  Almost everybody gets genital HPV somewhere along the line, and such efforts generally are a waste of time and emotional energy.  This business is not nearly as big a deal as you are making it.

I won't have any further comments.