CONFUSION

[betrayed123]

I just had a routine PAP test one year after my second child is born. I also recently learned that my loving husband (with whom I have been with for about 17yrs) has been cheating on me since I was pregnant and has left my 2 babies and I to be w/ HER. I received a call from the GYN yesterday stating that the PAP is abnormal and I will need a culposcopy. I, of course, feel terrified, confused, and betrayed. My husband is the only man I have ever been with and he had said the same for me. My PAP tests have been normal in the past. I contracted this HPV infection from my husband who contracted it from his girl friend. I know that when I tell him about the PAP result he will automatically blame me. He has been filled w/ rage and hatred for me for reasons unknown to me. Since the immune system usually kills the virus and when his girl friend gets her PAP or has gotten her PAP and  the PAP has been or may be normal, how do I clear my name?? Also, the HPV infection is for life, correct?


This discussion is related to HPV and abnormal pap smear.

[Emma_08]

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your husband.  If your PAP smears have been normal in the past and you know that your husband has recently been with another woman, it is possible he gave you the HPV infection.  HPV is the most common STD and most sexually active people get it at some point in their lives.  It usually "clears" in 8-10 months and will probably cause you no future problems.  Even though you have an abnormal PAP and your HPV infection may be a "high risk" strain (which basically means it can cause cellular abnormalities and may persist longer), you probably will have no major health consequences from this.  However, it's very important to get routine PAP smears, probably more than once a year (since you had an abnormal PAP) and make sure that the cervical dysplasia does not progress into something more serious.  There is some debate as to whether HPV infection is for life.  Even if HPV DNA stays in cells, a person will probably not stay infectious for their whole life.  Bottom line - keep seeing your doctor and getting regular PAP smears to make sure your HPV does not progress -- however, in the meantime, try not to worry - most HPV infections, with a few exceptions, will clear in time.
Good luck,
Em

[betrayed123]

Thanks very much Em. You have helped clarify things for me.

[auntiejessi]

I'm not even sure why you need to get into a big discussion with him.  Tell him "I have HPV."  If he starts freaking out, hang up on him.  

You know you weren't with anyone else, and of course, he knows it too.  Does it matter so much that he admit it?

Emma is right - you will most likely have no long term effects from this.  Just follow up with your doctor, and worry about yourself, and not him.

Aj

[betrayed123]

Well, I told my husband tonight about the abnormal PAP and HPV infection. He, of course, accuses me. Since there is no test for HPV for men and if his girl friend tests negative because her immune system has already killed the virus, then how do I clear my name?

[webcrawler]

Why did you even tell him at all? That just doesnt make sense. You know where you got it from. Why bother?

[auntiejessi]

I agree.  You are fighting a losing battle here.  Let them stew in it and just move on, and focus on yourself and your children.

If you need some help getting through this - and who the hell wouldn't? - don't hesitate to get some therapy.

Aj

[betrayed123]

Dr. Handsfield,

Please clarify. I have been w/ my husband for about 17 yrs - the only man ever in my life. I have always haad normal PAP tests in the past. I had my annual PAP test done 2wks ago and it was abnormal. I have HPV. I need to have culposcopy. I recently found out that my husband has been having an affair since I was pregnant w/ our second child who is now 14 mo old. I know that I contracted this HPV infection from him who got it from his girl friend. When I told my husband (my GYN said it was the ethical thing to do), he blamed me. I know that the immune system most of the time kills the virus and that there is no test for men. So, if my husband tells his girl friend about the infection and she gets tested, if the test is negative(because the virus has been killed ), I wouldn't be able to clear my name. Is there any way to clear my name? Also, the HPV infection is for life??? Thank you for your time.

[auntiejessi]

This isn't the doctor's forum.  To post there, look at the right side of this page, and click on STDs under Related Expert Forums.

It will cost you $15 to post a question.

If you want to spend the money, that's your choice, but just be prepared to see the same answers we have given you here.

Aj

[webcrawler]

What is this clear your name stuff about? That just doesn't make sense...

1. If you have never had sex with anyone else, you contracted HPV from your husband
2. If he does not accept that to be true, there is nothing that you can do.
3. Even if he knows that it is true, he may still deny it
4. Why does it matter that much?

You are wasting energy on this.

[webcrawler]

Your GYN is correct. It is the ethical (and potentially legal) thing to do.

If I were going through a divorce, I would be careful about handling this. It could have implications on the grounds of your divorce and the settlement. You should discuss this with your divorce attorney.