I was in a monogamous marriage for 26 years, then completely celibate for 3 years after my divorce (I didn't even date). 3 months ago I met a gentleman who is kind, considerate and loving who had also (so he tells me) been celibate for the past 4 years after a 30-year monogamous marriage. Our relationship developed and we fell in love and intending to get engaged. I have never had an STD. I beleived he was 'safe' and had unprotected sex with him (although I did get tested for STD's after the first time we had unprotected sex, just to be sure).
A few days ago I started to develop what I thought was a yeast infection, but it became increasingly painful and last night I discovered small 3mm - 4mm white ulcers around my vulva, which look exactly like oral canker sores. I went to the doctors today and she said that it was possibly Chancroid. I am on antibiotics and waiting for lab results to confirm a diagnosis. I have been researching the internet all afternoon and have found that my partner does have certain risk factors: He travels a lot to Asia - he lived in Korea for 2 years at one point, but also travels to China and Japan. He is uncircumsized. When we were 'fessing up' to our previous sexual histories, early in the relationship, he told me that he has visited massage parlours in Asia before - and that one time he fell asleep during the massage, only to wake up and find the masseuse giving him a 'happy ending'. He states that he has not had sex since his marriage ended, except with me (and he was so nervous the first time and shaking like a leaf that I tend to believe him on this).
My problem is that he has not visited Asia for over a year now, and has had no lesions or ulcers that I could see during the 3 months I have known him. I can't find any information on if a man can be an asymptomatic carrier....and I don't want to tell him about my possible diagnosis (i.e. accuse him of giving me an STD) until I can be sure of the facts. He does know that I have a vaginal infection of some sort - so we are not having sex anymore (it would be too painful anyway, I can hardly sit down or walk!!).
If I do have chancroid - how do I approach telling him? I know, without a doubt, that I must have caught it from him...but if he is an asymptomatic carrier and unaware that he has it, then he only has my word on that. I was hoping to spend my future with this gentleman...but accusing him of giving me an STD will probably put an end to that...plus, of course, he could have been lying to me all this time...
I don't know a thing about this, but doing some quick research it is rare and this is what I was able to find. How soon do symptoms appear?
Symptoms usually appear four to seven days after exposure.
When and for how long is a person able to spread chancroid?
Chancroid is contagious as long as the infected person has any open sores. The open sores contain bacteria and any contact with these sores can result in infection.
What complications can result from chancroid?
Untreated chancroid often results in ulcers occurring on the genitals. Sometimes the ulcers persist for weeks or months.
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