Chlamydia teing

Hello Doctor.  As so many have said before, thank you for being one of very few places online to get real, honest, epert advice that is not just a set of canned answers.  On to my questions.

What I did was after 18 years of marriage - I blew it last week.  What a thing to do - now I am so sick with my self and anxious and worried.

I was a bit drunk and visited an escort. She seemed clean - but whatever.  What we did was this.  Protected vaginal for a couple minutes, protected oral for a minute - then took the condom off and she masturbated me to the end.  As far as I know the condom was fine.  I know it was on after the vaginal sex because I asked her to take it off to masturbate me.  I didn't look at the condom closely - it was in low light.

With all my anxiousness I decided it would be better to know for sure if I caught anything rather than risk giving something to my wife and finding out that way.  SO after I did some online research I went and got tested for Gonnerea and chlamydia today.  I didn't for anything else because I learned that it was too soon for herpes, HIV and Syphillis (syphilis) and I am not really worried about those for some reasom.  (the lady at the clinc told me that HIV and Syphilis is mostly a worry for Men who have sex with men here in Oregon)

OK - so my questions:

1. Are my chnaces of getting gon. and chl. pretty much zero with those activities?
2.  Do you think my decsion not to test for the others now or ever based on my activities is wise?
3. Did I test too soon (6 days after activity) for gon. and chl.?  I thought I read 3 days was suffcient. I was tested with a swab for gon. and urine for chl.  If the result is negative can I put it behind me and move on or do I need more testing?

Thanks so much.  I am really feeling low right now.  

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I'll go directly to your questions:

1. As you suggest yourself, your risk was zero.  You describe a very safe sexual encounter.

2) You don't need STD/HIV testing.  Your decision against testing was, as you put it, wise.

3) You didn't need testing for gonorrhea or chlamydia at all. But timing of testing isn't important for those STDs anyway.  Any test more than 1-2 days after exposure is valid.  Your results will be negative, assuming the exposure you describe is your only risk.

Best wishes--  HHH, MD

[Imdumb]

Typo - sorry

[Imdumb]

Dr. - one more follow up.  Is there any reason to confess to my wife based on any STD risk?  

If I can get through this with my family intact so help me God I will be the happiest guy in the world!

[bluebird05]

As the Doc. said you had zero risk (protected sex)....and you can't catch something from a hand-job.  Don't tell your wife and destroy what you have....forget about it.....move on...but don't do it again and let it be a big learning experience....yes you'll have guilt....but you will have to learn to live with it.........good luck.

[Zbignew4112]

I totally agree with BlueBird,

try to identify some dignity in yourself from the fact that you are able to learn from your mistakes and feel a degree of shame that probably reflects your admirable feelings for your wife. Life is not about being perfect, but to avoid repeating destructive actions, and it seems like you have learnt your lesson!

[Imdumb]

Thanks for the kind words. It has been 8 days now and no symptoms of discharge or burning to urinate. I am more "aware" of every little sensation down there because I am thinking about it all the time and stressed. Not as stressed as I was, but can't get past some "what if" scenarios. I am sure I am fine. I get the results of the gon. test in about 3 hours. Chlamydia not until next Tuesday. Thanks again.

[Imdumb]

Gonerrhea test was negative as expected. Chlmydia results next Tuesday, but I am not to worried anymore. Thanks for all the info.

On another note - I wonder why the nurse at the clinic told me my gon and chl tests at 6 days would not be 100 percent. She said not until 3 weeks would they be 100 percent. This is at the county clinic in Portland Oregon. Doc - any idea?

[ateague]

Ok, I don't know if those posts were men up there, but are you really not going to tell your wife?  Won't that eat you up inside?  How would you feel if she did that to you?  Granted, it might cause her to be angry, but the least you could do is be honest with her and possibly get some counseling as to why you did it.  Just coming from a woman's point of view, but what happened after 18 years of marriage to go cheat with an escort?  Kinda' curious...

[bluebird05]

If my wife did the same thing to me and was sure she would not do it again, I would not want her to tell me as long as she didn't catch anything.  Yes I could forgive her but the trust would be lost and life would not be the same...what you don't know does not hurt you.  One person has to suffer forever...why make the other person suffer too?

[Imdumb]

Chlamydia test was negative. I feel like I have my life, wife and family back. If anyone thinks an escort might be fun, it is not worth putting your life and the lives of those you care about on the line. To address the question above, no, if my wife did what I did and didn't but my health at risk and never did it again,I would not want to know. Telling her to reduce my guilt would be cruel.

[mattwisconsin]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were all pulling for you!

Now, if only I get the same news back Monday on my HIV and Syphilis test.

Good luck and be a little more careful if there happens to be a next time.

[ateague]

Hypothetical question then:  I cheat on my husband as a weekly routine, but never get infected.  I feel guilty every time I do it, but it doesn't stop.  If he never finds out and I never get an STD or anything that might harm him, is that alright too?  Just curious where the line of morality begins and ends.  You get away with it one time, then another, then another, and where does it eventually stop?  When you get caught?

FullofRegret - I'm very happy that you did not get an STD.  And I'm also glad you have learned something valuable from this.  I hope there won't be another time, but I'm still curious what made you do it in the first place.  I'm not coming down on you at all, I'm newly married and I just would like some insight on how an 18 year marriage can go in that direction.