DO I TELL HER????

Last weekend I went out on a friends stag party and ended
up getting totally smashed. Under the influnce of both
alcohol and cocaine I made some descisions that I would not
normally make. This included going with a prostitute. I am
in a stable, long-term relationship with my girlfriend and
we are both very happy. I have never cheated on her and
cannot believe my stupidity in allowing myself to get into
that situation. I am serious when I say that I will never
cheat on her and that I will never take cocaine again. What
an idiot.

So now I am left with some real choices to make and I can
think of little else. I am trying to decide whether I
should tell her about my mistake. This would cause her pain
and hurt and would put our relationship at risk, but I
value honesty and think that on some level she would
respect this. Surely a lie between life partners is going
to be exposed in some way down the line. I'm not sure that
I can look at her and live with the knowledge of this - it
feels strange already.

There is also a health aspect to this of course. There was
definately no penetration, I saw no blood, no semen and we
did not kiss, I couldn't get it up. But I did receive oral
and no condom was used at any point. The girl was from the
Phillipines and I am seriously worried about STD and AIDS.
I'm going to get a check up asap and of course if there is
any health risk, I don't see that I have much choice - I
will have to tell her. From what I have read, the AIDS test
checks for antibodies and these may not appear straight
away. Does this mean that a test tomorrow could be useless
and that I need to wait for some time before I can be sure.
Again, this being the case I guess I have no choice and
must tell her.

This is killing me - what a mess. I love her so much and
don't want to spoil what we have for the sake of one stupid
choice that was made when I really had very little idea
what I was doing.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

You almost certainly could not have acquired HIV or any other STD from the exposure you describe.  So from an HIV/STD transmission standpoint--protecting your girlfriend from disease--there is no reason to tell her anything.  Whether you decide to tell her on general principles is a relationship/counseling issue, not an STD issue--not a topic for this forum and not my expertise.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[brian_bpower]

Dear doctor,
I'm sorry I have to post here, cause I think my question is not worth to be posted as a new question.
I had an OraQuick test (20 minutes results) approx 6 weeks after possible exposure. And it came back negative.
I wonder how accurate is the OraQuick test.
I thought OraQuick test only require couple drops of blood. And in my case, they took a tube of my blood. Or is it because I also got tested for syphillis (syphilis) cause I think I also got tested for syphillis (syphilis).
Thank you so much.

[bluebird05]

I'm not a Doc but I think he'll tell you your risk was very low since it was one incident and only involved oral sex for a brief time...but you should tell your g/f so you can put it behind you so it won't eat at you the rest of your life...good luck.

[shadowknos]

Big Daddy.
i am assuming your question is one of ethics as opposed to medical.  In that vein i highly recommend keeping my mouth shut.
Far better to forgo Sexual relations for a short time and be physically check out."no harm no foul"  
  after a period of time you would be in a much better frame of mind both mentally and psychologically to make a wiser decision. You well may want to mia culpa but better to do so  on a more rational plane then some pseudo guilt trip.
  I am amazed at the number of people who in contemplating the consequence of their sexual behavior equate moral turpitude with getting a STD.
i assure you the two are not related.

Best Wishes.

[JohnnyV]

Big Daddy,

Getting head (whether a male or female is sucking you) is so low risk it's almost not even worth thinking about.

I'm not a doc, but all the information I have indicates that you would have to wait at least 4 weeks to get tested for HIV, at least 6 weeks to have certainty. I think you're just feeling incredibly guilty and projecting the stress onto STD issues. Tell your girlfriend. That way, she knows you messed up, and it's that much less likely that you will have a repeat performance, because from then on, you know she can catch you.

I just wonder why you focused on the girl's Philippine identity. That shouldn't have anything to do with it, other than the fact that it sounds like she got exploited at a stag party.

JV

[Imdumb]

Why dump your luggage on her?  If it was truely something you won't do again, why put her through hell to ease your guilt?  You don't have an STD, forgive yourself, forget it and move on.  Just don't repeat.