Did my husband cheat on me during our marriage?

[Tori1000]

About a year a half into my marriage with my husband, I developed a foul fishy smell down below, along with extreme itchiness and discomfort, and an unusual discharge.  I have never had a yeast infection.  After 1.5  months of this horrible infection, I went to my gynaecologist.  She gave me a pap smear and a full pelvic exam.  A week later she called me and told me to come into her office for a private consultation.  She told me that I had Chlamydia.  She asked for my sexual history, and after hearing it, she asked me point blank if I was cheating on my husband.  I told her "no".  Then she said, "Then he must be cheating on you."  When I came home and told my husband, he just passively said that I probably brought something into our marriage because I had had two sexual partners before I met him.  And when I told him about how my doctor asked point blank if I was cheating and I said, no, and then she adamantly stated that my husband was cheating, my husband just laughed and said, "doctors don't know everything."   Here is my sexual history.  A year and a half before I met my husband, I was physical with an ex boyfriend once without protection.  Then I met my husband and he was physical three times or so without protection with me.  We went out for a year, then broke up for a year, then got back together.  When we got back together we decided to not be physical until our wedding day three years later.  From the time I was physical during the courtship (those three times) until our wedding day, was about four and a half years.  About six months before our wedding I went to an STD clinic and had no STD’s.  So other than those three times I was sexually physical with my husband when I first started dating him, about six years went by without me being physical with him or anyone else until the day I married him.  During the year that my husband and I had broken up, he went to Europe and had a couple of girlfriends.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I'll try to help. But most likely you're never going to know for sure where your chlamydial infection came from or when you were infected.

When a new STD first appears in an apparently monogmous couple, usually one or the other has had other partners.  That certainly was the case in most such cases I have cared for over the years.  So if you haven't had other sex partners since you and your husband were together, the odds are that he has.  I don't say that to accuse your husband of lying.  It is the usual explantion, but not the only one.

Could you have carried chlamydia since before you were together?  Yes.  Women often carry chlamydia for 2 years, sometimes 4 years or more.  However, this is unlikely in your case, because your previous test should have diagnoed it; and when chlamydia causes symptoms, it is usually soon after the infection.  In other words, it is uncommon for someone to carry chlamydia for months or years without symptoms, and then start getting vaginal discharge etc.

Another possibllity is that your chlamydia test was false.  No test is perfect.  However, the modern tests are very good, and this isn't a very good bet either.  And it also would not explain your vaginal discharge and other symptoms.

Yet another possibility is that your husband has been infected since before you were married, without symptoms and only recently transmitted the infection to you.  This also is unlikely, because carrying chlamydia so long is uncommon for men; and most likely you would have been infected much sooner.

In summary, I cannot solve the mystery.  Statistically, it seems most likely that your husband has had at least one other partner recently and brought the infection into your relationship.  (Of course, this assumes your story is accurate, i.e. you have had no other partners the past year and a half.)  It all comes down to whether you trust him or not.  If he seems truthful, most likely he is -- but only you can make that call.  Aside from that, most likely you're never going to know for sure.

At this point, the most important thing is that you and your husband both are treated, and that you not have sex until both have completed the antibiotic.

I hope this helps.  Best wishes--  HHH, MD

[informyourself]

Just my two cents - since I just went through this myself.  There are a few strains of chlamydia that can be passed by inhalation.  This can cause the STD to form.  I was a wreck until our specialist explained this very important detail.

Of course, this isn't as common, but it is possible.  It's a shame that relationships can be ruined because this isn't explained to people better.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

That information is wrong.  Either "informyourself" misunderstood the specialist or the specialist doesn't know what s/he is talking about.

First, respiratory infections are caused by Chlamydia pneumoniae or, rarely, C. psittici (which comes from birds) -- different bacteria than C. trachomatis, the cause of genital infection.  Second, chlamydia doesn't travel through the body; you can't catch a respiratory infection that shows up as genital infection.  Finally, the standard tests for chlamydia are specific for one chlamydia species or the other; that is, the tests for C. trachomatis do not detect C. pneumoniae. (There are blood tests for chlamydia that can cross react between the two types.  But blood testing is not recommended to diagnose genital infection and rarely used for that purpose.)  

Apologies to "informyourself" if this modifies your perceptions about the source of your infection.  But the facts are the facts.

[Tori1000]

Thank you for your reply.  Based on the statistics, and when I do the math, I can only draw one conclusion, that my spouse did have another partner after we married.  One of the reasons why I didn't suspect him as cheating is because he told me he was a virgin before he had intercourse with me.  Apparently, a virgin can contract the disease in other ways -- i.e. oral sex?  Is that possible?  Also, if I was a carrier, would the infection come out in me?  What exactly is a "carrier" of the disease?  Could my spouse be a carrier and then the infection would manifest itself in me even up to a year and a half after?  If he was a carrier, then he would have contracted the disease either a month b/f we married or a month into the marriage.  Either way, he could not possibly claim that he was faithful to me.  You mention trust.  Trust is no longer relevant, as the foundation, in my opinion has been seriously corrupted and destroyed.  If a person does not have a conscience about being honest about who they have sex with behind your back, then why would I ever want to invest in someone so capable of such sick behaviour? A truly worthwhile human would be honest about what they have done and decently and fairly give the other party an option of leaving, or they would be decent and say they are disloyal and should not stay in the marriage.  If he lied about the cheating, then has he lied about a lot of other things?  Living with someone like that is completing disturbing.  True love has to have integrity and honesty for it to thrive, and grow.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Virgins cannot catch genital chlamydial infection.  Oral sex almost never transmits chlamydia.  A "carrier" is simply a person with the infection.

This forum is not a counseling site and I will not comment on sexual relationships.  I have stated the scientific knowledge about chlamydia transmission as I understand it.  That's as far as this forum can go.

[Tori1000]

Thank you for your unbiased professional approach in your answers to my questions and my crazy dilemna.  I am still confused about what a "carrier" is.  You said, "A carrier is simply a person with the infection".  Infection implying that I have the physical manifestations of the disease?  Or by saying, infection, do you mean that my body has the disease inside, without the physical manifestations?  Because I exhibited the symptoms, i.e., fowl smell down below, itchiness everywhere down below, discomfort when urinating, weird yellow'ish discharge, etc....That is an infection, is that what you mean by "infection"?  By the way, I am a bit of a health buff, and I monitor every discomfort, symptom and illness in my body.... and I have "NEVER" had any symptoms, not even remotely, down below such as those I just mentioned.  And sorry, I did not mean to expand on some of your comments regarding trust, and it's relationship to a healthy relationship.  I will just stick to the facts from hereon in.  Thank you for taking the time to help me resolve this situation...I am truly grateful for your knowledge and expertise.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

You are over-thinking it.  "Infection" with chlamydia means the organism (chlamydia) is present in the genital tract, nothing more.  All persons with infection are carriers.  "Carrier" and "infection" have nothing to do with symptoms. Most people with chlamydia have no symptoms.

Thanks for the thanks. But that's it for this thread.  I will delete any further comments.

[adolmd]

did your husband get tested for chlamydia? and was he treated?
did the treatment for chlamydia get rid of your symptoms?
just wondering if this could be false positive chlamydia test and instead you just have bacterial vaginosis.
But sounds like Chlamydia.

Dr. Handsfield, can someone be a carrier of Chlamydia and then get symptoms years later?
what is the risk of male to female transmission of Chlamydia in any 1 vaginal intercourse? if they had infrequent sex, could the man have been a carrier of chlamydia and only passed it to his wife after 1.5 years?

[ibizan]

i think its been established that chalymidia infections have a short gestation period and quickly given to another.They don't lie dormant for a year or a few years and manifest themselves.U ladies need to trust ur intuition and tori i'm with ya 100%!u have xcellent intuition!

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

The answers to adolmd are that the risk of chlamydia transmission, male to female, is probably around 20-50% per each episode of unprotected vaginal sex.  The answer is no to the other questions; there may be exceptions but they are uncommon.  I agree with ibizan's comments, which are consistent with my original reply.

That will have to do it for this thread.  Feel free to continue additional discussion on the STD community forum.