HPV and feeling terrible...

[hologram21]

I was with a girl for about a year that was diagnosed with high risk HPV and had to have some cells removed that were pre cancerous. This was about a year ago. We were having unprotected sex, I was not really upset or worried because I really liked this girl and had intentions on staying for the long haul. Well, that didn't work out and we broke up about 5 months ago in April. I recently (last month) started to talk to a girl that my ex also knows. We hooked up a few times, generally drunk and unprotected, and both realized that it was not something we should be doing because of my ex. When my ex girlfriend was diagnosed I was told that HPV was not a really big deal in men and that my immune system will fight it off. I never had any symptoms. When I started hooking up with this second girl, HPV was seriously not even in my mind, like I said we were generally drunk and after my ex's diagnosis we never really talked about it. However, now in hindsight I feel terrible. I can't get the thoughts out of my head that I may have given her something that could give her cancer. I really try to be an honest and good person, but now I feel I have done something terrible. I have already posted about this in the expert forums and the doctor assured me there was no need for disclosure. I can't stop thinking about it though and I would like to get some advice from some regular people on here. At this point, it seems like telling her would maybe not be the best course of action. I may not have an infection, she may have had the vaccine, she may already have HPV (I know personally of a guy she has been with that has had ALOT of partners ((over 60)). I know this because the guy was once a really good friend of mine.) I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I may have made a bad decision, but I need to learn from it and move on. Sorry for the long rambling post, but I am very torn up over this. Any advice/tips/encouragement would be very welcome.

[hologram21]

Definitely going to do things differently from now on. Thanks again for the advice.

[hologram21]

Definitely going to do things differently from now on. Thanks again for the advice.

[gracefromHHP]

most of us are exposed to hpv genitally. 1 out of every 3 of us has had it whether we knew it or not.  I'm guessing this partner isn't too concerned about it since she didn't want to have protected sex with you.    I can't tell you if you did something wrong or even if you should feel bad about your behavior, I can tell you how to improve your behavior for the future  to protect yourself :)

[hologram21]

Thank you so much for your response. I will definitely have protected sex from now on. The emotional and mental state this has put me in is just not worth it. I am just very worried for her sake that I may have given her something but I am just trying to learn from what happened and move on. It's very difficult to do though, especially with my Catholic upbringing that is very big on confession. Do you think I have done something wrong? I mean like I said, I don't know if I have anything....it just seems to be a very grey area. Thank you again for taking the time to read and answer my post.

[gracefromHHP]

always have protected sexual contact with random partners. it protects you, saves you money from having to test frequently as well as saves you from worrying!!  it's just  not worth the risk of a std from having drunken unprotected hook ups!   also since condoms aren't 100% protection against all std's, it's well worth asking questions before you are sexual with someone too!  also unless you want to be a baby daddy, having protected sex also is additional protection against pregnancy.

have you had your gardasil shots at all for hpv?  I"m assuming not?

since you've been having unprotected sex with this partner, you need to cover your std bases too. you can test for gonorrhea, chlamydia, ngu and trich any time after 1 week post encounter. syphilis after 6 weeks. herpes, hiv and hepatitis after 3 months.   keep in mind this is just as much about protecting you as it is protecting them!!

so about the hpv part.  well honestly at this point, it's a little late to worry about this. If you are going to continue to have sex with this partner, start using protection for all the reasons mentioned in the first paragraph of this reply.  perhaps even just ask her if she's had her hpv shots because you are concerned that either of you could have hpv and not know it if you want some peace of mind.  

grace