Simply put, no STD causes the symptoms you describe. Further, you have seen health care providers who found nothing wrong, had several negative STD tests, and had treatment that would have eradicated any infection that might have been responsible. To your specific questions:
1) Herpes does not cause the symptoms you describe. 2) Neither does HPV. 3) I have said many times that when a person suspects his/her own symptoms are due to anxiety or other emotion, they usually are right.
You did not catch any infection from the encounter you describe. Your problem is your guilt over the event, not an infection. Do not worry about your health or your wife's. Move on, or seek counseling if you cannot.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
PS: Every once in a while I have occasion to re-post a message I first used several months ago, in response to a question much like yours. Here it is again.
"It is a fact of life that human beings get various aches and pains. Out of the blue there is knee pain, a headache, abdominal discomfort, a stich in the side, tingling down a leg. Sometimes such problems are continuing or recurrent, yet no specific cause ever is found and clearly no important infection or disease is present.
Why should the genital area be any different? Not every symptom means disease. People with such symptoms of course should see a health care provider. But when a comprehensive evaluation comes up with no good explanation, and if the symptoms persist after treatment of the potential infectious causes, it is wrong to assume a serious health problem. Just as some people have to learn to live with unexplained but benign headaches or abdominal pain, others have to live with unexplained genital symptoms.
Our genitals have a special place in our psyches, and unexplained discomfort can be harder to ignore than a painful joint or even a headache. But the principle holds. It's fine to look for harmless things that might help control symptoms. But potentially harmful treatments (e.g., repeated high doses of antibiotics, potent pain controllers) make no sense, and doctor-shopping (or internet shopping) for different answers is fruitless."