How Will Herpes Change My Life? + Other Questions

[hey hey]

The results of a recent blood test show that I carry Herpes Type 1, what my doctor was quick to call "cold sores." I think I have it both orally and genitally.

Symptoms:

tongue -- strange, large bumps at the back and on the back side of the tongue.

genitals -- loss of sensation, a slight burning, general dermatological discomfort.


I made sure to ask the doctor for his advice regarding whether I should communicate these results to my girlfriend. He said that I shouldn't bother, that this isn't a big deal, and that Type 1 isn't even contagious.

After reading up on things, I called him back and informed him that, in fact, the virus is quite contagious, and I asked him to give me a better analysis. He told me that it was common sense not to kiss someone when you have an open legion on your face, but that otherwise intimate physical contact shouldn't be a problem.

I really just don't get it. People all over the internet are freaked out about oral herpes (including me), and apparently doctors all over the United States think this is the silliest thing in the world. My doctor could barely take me seriously when I asked about it.

I've never really talked to people directly about herpes, so I don't really know what the public perception is. I do know that I feel dirty, and I anticipate that other people will consider me dirty or even untouchable if they ever find out.

When people gossip about so-and-so having herpes, are people generally referring to Type 2 herpes (usually in the genitals), or could they be talking about Type 1? Do I now have a virus that a huge part of the population considers to be repulsive?

And should I tell my girlfriend? Honesty is obviously always the best policy, but part of the problem here is that my girlfriend and I recently began a kind of open relationship. We've only been doing it for a little while, and we're probably going to go back to the monogamous thing in a few weeks, but I have reason to believe that I contracted this virus during the open period. I'm humiliated, and I really don't want to say anything if I don't have to. The fact that my doctor was so insistent that the virus is a total non-issue makes me very confused.

I've read a lot of material that says that I can transfer Type 1 to other people through "intimate physical contact," and that I could transmit it to another person's genitals or mouth depending on the type of contact. Does this mean that I should stop kissing? Stop performing oral sex? How will my sex life change as a result of this virus?

Also, will my symptoms die down soon? That is, will the bumps on my tongue go away? What about the weird burning in my penis? Will I be able to feel like a normal, functioning human being sometime soon?

How often should I expect a recurrence of symptoms?

WTF am I supposed to do?!

[PossiblePoz]

Look at it this way. More than half the people in the United States has Oral Herpes. Your doctor may not have taken it seriously because 1. So many people have it/spread it and 2. There are worse things in the world.

Millions upon millions of adults and children get cold sores (herpes). MILLIONS. I know its rough when you find out but it won't change your life in the least unless you let it. For all you know, it will never come back. Most people don't even realize the have it.

By the way, did the doctor take a blood test or swab? Or did he just TELL you you have herpes? If so, you should probably test.

[PossiblePoz]

If you suspect you have herpes in the genital area (whether its HSV-1 or 2) you should DEFINITELY 100% tell your girlfriend. Oral herpes is an easier topic to tell someone. WHo knows, she may alredy have it and not know.

[hey hey]

1. I got a blood test done.

2. Why is HSV-1 so much more significant if it's in the genital area? Seems to me like it should be the same thing. Either it's HSV-1 or it's HSV-2, and where it ends up on your body seems irrelevent. I mean, are you saying that I wouldn't need to say anything to my girlfriend if I only had oral herpes, or are you saying that I should tell my girlfriend regardless of where I have it, or what? I kind of feel like oral HSV-1 should be even easier to transmit than genital HSV-1. I mean, I make out a lot more than I have sex, and they don't make condoms for the mouth.

[PossiblePoz]

It's debatable whether you should tell your girlfriend if you have oral HSV-1. If it were me, I would want to know if my partner had it but I've known some doctors that say that it really doesn't matter because everyone's got it. I'm not going to tell you to tell your girlfriend or not. But take comfort in the fact that there's many people have it and after she does some research, will realize it isn't a big deal.

So I'm assuming your blood test was positive? What brand/type of test did you take? IGM or IGG?

[jp813]

First of all, it seems to me that what you are referring to on your tongue (inside your mouth) is a canker sore, not herpes.  Herpes 1 is often on your lips and can be on your genitals..its just less likely.  It sounds like your doctor is not up on the latest info.  Canker sores are not contagious, but herpes is.  Now, for the question about telling your girlfriend, is your life as you know it over, etc.... I would let your girlfriend know if you have either.  That way she can protect herself if she's concerned about it.  Its only right.  Had I known 15 years ago that that bulging thing on my ex-boyfriends lip was contagious and would continue to plague me for life, I probably wouldn't have kissed him until his lip was healed.  Unfortunately, I was not knowledgable at the time and he didn't bother to let me know (regardless of how uncomfortable he was kissing me that night with a bulging lip....whatever.)  Some people have very few herpes outbreaks on their lip after their first one.  (I can't say I'm so lucky.  Mine seem to be triggered when my lips get really chapped and too much sun exposure.)  Are they a pain in the lip and look ugly?  Yah.  Do I like them?  No.  Do they keep me from living my life?  Absolutely not.  Am I still intimate with my husband?  Of course.  And I can say that I'm fairly certainly that I've never transmitted it to him in the 13 years we've been together (or if I have, its barely noticeable).  So, first off, I'd find a new doctor. And then, stop worrying.  For whatever reason, society accepts the 80 percent of the population that periodically have a "thing on their lip" most commonly referred to as a "cold sore" (it sounds better than herpes,I guess) .It seems as though society has more of  a stigma placed on HSV-2 because of how you got it (sexually).  But when you realize how common both are, you realize there's a lot of people being rather secretive.. Especially about HSV-2.

[gracefromHHP]

Chances are good that your hsv1 is a previous oral infection and it's not the cause of any of the symptoms you've described.  You could've contracted it from a family member/caretaker as a small child or gotten it from anyone you've kissed in a lifetime.  A blood test only tells you what you have and not where you have it so yes it's helpful but not as helpful as one might hope it would be.

Should you talk about this with your gf? MOST DEFINITELY but not for the reasons that you are probably thinking.  For one thing I don't know about you but if I had found out I had herpes recently , even if I had no idea where, it's something I wouldn't be able to keep from a partner without tearing myself up inside. Just get this knowledge out in the open in your relationship. It shouldn't be a deal breaker by no means - it's just best if you both know your herpes status so she'll need to get tested too. She can also be a source of support for you right now to help you work thru all these feelings you are having - it's part of why we get into relationships - for support for day to day things- it's so much more than just about sex!!!   If you both test + for hsv1 - very few worries.  Should you notice any obvious oral lesions then don't perform oral sex on your partner until they are completely healed.  If your partner is hsv1 negative then talk about if you both think barrier protection is worthwhile for oral sex - it's totally up to the 2 of you. Also if she is under 30 she can look into the herpevac vaccine trials too ( just google them ).

Your oral symptoms you've listed sound like normal things.  Your genital symptoms don't sound like genital herpes either.  

Is hsv1 orally a big deal? yes and no.  Yes indeed it is incredibly common throughout the entire world.  In otherwise healthy adults it's a nuisance - like anyone wants to deal with a cold sore if you are one of the minority of folks with hsv1 orally who get obvious cold sores.  Even if you get it genitally,  hsv1 is for the most part not a huge issue.  For most folks it doesn't reoccur very often and it's less likely to be transmitted to a partner than hsv2 is. What it is important about is for during birth ( if it's genital hsv1 ) and when you are in contact with small infants ( if it's oral ).  Herpes infections in infants can be devastating but thankfully even the incidence of those is pretty small. common sense goes a long way - when you have an active cold sore - avoid contact with folks who's hsv1 status is unknown until it's completely healed.  If you have a baby it doesn't mean you can't be near it when you have a cold sore- it means no kissing the baby on the lips, no sharing food or drinks and never, ever "wash off" a pacifier by putting it in your own mouth first and then into babies mouth ( for reasons far beyond herpes ).  If you have a cold or a fever causing illness - avoid those same things again ( you don't want to give it to them and if you are otherwise sick then there's a good chance the virus is active again too ).  Just those relatively common sense precautions go a long, long way.

Very few of us get thru life without hsv1 orally.  It' s THAT common.  It's not something to make too big of a deal about but it is worthwhile knowing your status and using some relatively common sense precautions.  Don't obsess over it by no means - just be informed that you have it and that there are potentially small risks to having it.


grace