I am dying with anxiety

Please help me I am so scared. About 5 months ago, I had a unprotected experience with a "traveled" woman. There were no signs to follow at all. However recently I was in Las Vegas and had a protected experience with a lady from Brazil, the sex was protected but there were hours of touching and heavy open mouth kissing. About a week after returning from the trip, I experienced a weird feeling in my mouth, almost as if I had not brushed my tounge hard enough and there was scum on the back of very back of my tounge. Later that same night I ran into the girl that I had been with 5 months ago and began to wonder if I had caught anything from her. The next day and for a couple days to follow, in the morning I had some very sharp stomach pains that hurt real bad, and then they were gone. No diaherra (diarrhea) but more trips to the bathroom. Then they became a smaller pain that would come and go throughout the day. After that I jumped on an HIV website and lost it, I was certain that the symptoms were from HIV. All day that is all I could think about and do was go on HIV sites and panic.Finally this Saturday I lost it and went to the ER for an HIV test. I have been a mess, I have no appetite at all, crying and screaming all day, yesterday I had a salty taste in my mouth for no reason, and my tounge looks very hairy. Monday I recieved my results and they were negative,but my White Blood Count was elevated. I have been seen by two different doctors that both think I have a bit of extra white on my tounge and irritated tounsils, but say it is not trush (thrush). I forgot to mention that my temperature has been crazy. One min it is 97.8 then 99.4. I am also cold then hot all day long. I feel like I am cold on the skin level so I need a sweater, but inside like I am burning up and going to start sweating. Also thickness in my mouth where I keep spitting. I have gas like crazy, and stomach pain and burning on and off all day like diaherra (diarrhea) is coming, and go to the bathroom so much more then usuall. Please help me, I can not understand it. We made out pretty hard core for hours with tounge and lip sucking. We both touched each other all the way to orgasim, and then we had protected sex. I was a littlle drunk and remember putting on the condom wrong then flipping it over, also I did not check if it broke. Please help me, I can not understand where else all these issues just happen to come from a week later unless I am +
I am loosing my mind, I can not function what so ever. I keep asking does the test eliminate the 5 month old experience or not, did I get HIV from kissing, did the condom in Vegas break, is my WBC high because the body is fighting the virus. I am lossing my mind, please help

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Useful and generally accurate information and advice was already posted by other forum participants before I saw your message.  (But as a disclaimer, I didn't read those resonses in detail, though, and I do not accept actual responsibility for them.)

I will simply say that the blood test results are much more reliable as an indicator of HIV infection than the symptoms and other lab tests you describe.  You can be confident you don't have HIV, unless there are other risk factors since the ones you describe.  All your symptoms have many causes that individually and collectively are far more common than HIV.  You don't say how high your WBC is, but HIV tends to cause abnormally low WBC counts, not high ones.

And by the way, body temperature normally varies exactly like yours.  Many people assume that 98.6 is a fixed normal temperature and the highest normal temp.  Not so.  98.6 is merely the average in the population, and roughly the average for each individual.  Everybody's temperature varies from as low as 96 or maybe 96.5 to around 99.6 or so.  (Don't hold me to exact data.)

Finally, you have seen 2 health care providers.  I can add nothing more.  Continue to follow their advice.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[bigdaddy1992]

Hi. i can understand your anxiety HIV is a serious subject, but look at your situation logically.

You had an unprotected experiance 5 months ago,ok there is a small risk attatched to that however most people test positive for hiv after 6 weeks and the longest you have to wait for 100% certainty is 3 months you waited longer than that so you are 100% negative from your unprotected exposure ( not even the slightest chance you have it from that exposure.) The second experiance you had was protected so there is no chance you got HIV from that either. whatever you have going on is not hiv and probably not any std but the doc will advise you on this. my advice to you is to trust the hiv test which has scientifically proven you dont have it and not to look at hiv web sites, this will only heighten your anxiety and believe me when your anxious you can fit the slightest thing to hiv. If you can't accept your test result you will never get past your anxiety and it will send you crazy and after all what else can prove you dont have it apart from a negative test? Good luck and i hope you can get past this.

BigDaddy1992

[worriedtodeath]

First off thank you for your words. I want to agree with you the only thing that scares me is the fact that I had my last test 1 day befaore the 3 week mark and I am not sure how accurate that is especially with all of the matching symptoms.

[worriedtodeath]

r u still there bigdaddy?

[worriedtodeath]

Pcr test at 22 days is negative, what does that mean.

[bigdaddy1992]

from your posting it sounded like you waited a lot longer than 22 days from your unprotected exposure, is that not right? a negative test at 22 days would be reassuring but not 100% accurate but if you say the test was 22 days AFTER the 2nd exposure then your risk from that ( being protected) was not woth bothering about anyway. info on the pcr test can be found at:
http://www.stdweb.com/pcrelisacombo.htm

hope it helps

Bigdaddy

[JohnnyV]

Hi,

This message is for worried to death and but lots of people could benefit from the info below.

It sounds like you need to know a little more about the microbiology of HIV and AIDs. I took a lot of chemistry and biology in college under a famous AIDs scholar (this was back in the early 90s) so it seems that one of the reasons I don't fall apart under stress, as many people on this website do, is the simple fact that my brain has a firm grasp of the mysterious mollecules that the experts are talking about.

This will make you feel better, and I'd recommend anybody on this site to read the article below. Go to this link:

http://www.state.nj.us/health/aids/rapidtesting/documents/Paul_edit.pdf

With all the watered-down websites that give you "HIV info for dummies," it's hard to get solid facts about retroviruses and what these tests are actually detecting. The link above is an article written for the New Jersey public health office. It is possible to understand without formal medical training, but it's above the level of most other things that come up on Google.

On page 2 of the article above, there is a graph of the HIV infection window that explains where these numbers come from. One line charts the viral load of the HIV itself (R or RNA), the other line shows the creation of detectable antibodies (aB). The aB rises as the R falls, over a distinct time frame; this is because the immune system starts to fight the virus.

ARS, which everyone is wondering about, occurs because the body is overwhelmed, briefly, by the presence of a stange virus and the temporary strain of one's lymph nodes struggling to mass-produce new aBs to fight off the foreign RNA. That's why the ARS symptoms are flu-like; like a flu, it's all the typical byproducts of the body fighting a foreign antigen.

J

[JohnnyV]

Oh I wanted to add, for worriedtodeath's sake:

You may find, on your anxious websurfing, references to a second "window period" when the PCR tests can turn up false negatives. Do not freak out when you say that.

The second window period of the PCR test occurs if one's antibodies (aB) have developed enough strength to kill off a large amount of the HIV. (They can never kill it completely).

BUT, if you test negative for aB and negative on the PCR, after day 11 or so from the potential exposure, it is IMPOSSIBLE you have HIV, because either the R (the virus's RNA itself) or the antibodies (aB) would HAVE to be at detectable levels.

J

[joeworried]

JonnyV,thanks for the website.  It did a lot to explain the window period and percentages of positive tests that Dr HHH makes reference to.  The rapid rise of the HIV antibodies once they begin to occur explains why essentially everyone that is infected will test positive at around 6 weeks or shortly thereafter.  

WorriedtoDeath, I had a low-risk exposure with a stripper and was also convinced that I had contracted HIV.  You can check my situation under "antibiotics and hiv test accuracy" posted on August 21 if you wish.  I tested negative at 60 days, and will be going in for a follow-up confirmatory test in the near future.  However, I'm 100% confident that it will be negative, given the negative test at 60 days.

I continue to have many of the same symptoms as you do, i.e., the alternating hot/cold feelings, excessive amount of saliva, body temperature swings (but none above 100), loss of appetite, feeling sick to my stomach, excess amount of gas, etc.  I have several more that you didn't mention, i.e., pain in the upper arms near my armpits (my God, could it be my lymph nodes?), lower back pains, headaches.  

Your negative test at 5 months is conclusive, so you can forget about the first event.  As you will notice on other threads, a negative test at 6 weeks is essentially conclusive, so 5 months is way beyond this window.  Your second exposure is very low risk, so you will be fine.  

I think you have joined the ranks of the worried well along with me.  Hang in there.  We'll both get through this fine.

[MACKIA]

I posted a comment under blood tests results, and thank you guys for your support & concern.....

[MACKIA]

Please relax worried to death...I am sure you are fine

[JohnnyV]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. But I don't see your case as a tragedy, because the disease will be manageable. Your doc should be able to help you out. One major step in being HIV+ is to learn how to detach yourself from other people's opinions. Find ways to base your self-esteem and mood on your own internal thoughts.

Just make sure you tell future partners you have HIV before you have sex. Among heterosexuals, HIV+ women outnumber HIV+ men, so you don't have to give up your sex life. If anything you could benefit from the support of an HIV+ girlfriend. Sometimes local AIDs agencies can suggest ways to connect you with other potential dating partners who have HIV. There is debate about whether it's okay for two HIV+ partners to have unprotected sex (barebacking). Some people fear this may complicate the viral load you already have; other people think it's not an issue.... most evidence points to it being an okay thing, as long as both people are on meds and they have a monogamous relationship. (You don't want to have a lot of HIV+ partners because then you risk infecting yourself with "multiple strains.")

Andrew Sullivan is a famous HIV+ writer. Sometimes he's a little too conservative for my tastes but you should do a Google on him. He writes wonderful things. One thing he wrote about was how HIV liberated his sex life because he could finally feel the sensation of unprotected sex without nervousness. Of course some nasty gay activists attacked him and accused him of encouraging people to try to get HIV ("buckchasing"), but he responded with so much class, saying, "excuse me for not dying earlier."

About the girl who gave it to you, if you do a search on earlier threads, you'll see I posted once about the problem of recent infections. Most HIV transmissions, some experts believe, happen within a few weeks after the HIV+ was himself/herself infected. The likelihood is that the woman who infected you just caught the virus herself and didn't know she was infected.

Hang in there.

J

[GregA]

I'm sorry for doubting you, Mackia.  Please accept my apologies.  I wish you the best, and we are praying or you (or for those who don't pray, I know they are all hoping the best for you).

--Collegeboy.

[MACKIA]

THANKS COLLEGE BOY:)---I AM NOT MAD AT YOU...IT'S TOUGH TO BELIEVE BAD THINGS ACTUALL HAPPEN...I UNDERSTAND

[GregA]

Mackia,

I'm afraid now after reading about your experiences.  I used a latex condom, but you have showed up that people can become infected anyway.

oh, gosh.  now what?

[MACKIA]

I ONLY WISH I HAD USED A CONDOM. MY EXPERIENCE WAS UNPROTECTED.........

[ryn21]

Worriedtodeath,

Fluctuations in temperature are normal.  99.4 is not even considered to be abnormal.  I am commenting on this because I freaked out about this and went through a compulsive period of constantly checking my own body temp.

[rickyme]

I`m just curious,when u say u had unprotected sex with that girl,
was it one time or many times(in one night)?Were u bleeding or something?

When u said u got dry cough,were your lungs totally dry at that time?U see I had some sort of dry cough too,but it`s just that
my lungs were filled with phlegm but I just couldn`t cough it out so it`s considered dry, right?..it was weird and I felt totally fatigue and this happens about 2 weeks after I had protected sex with a high risk girl.I`m still scared because maybe I had a cut on my body or something.I assume the rash u had were widespread cause the one I had was only at one spot on my stomach..which happens 5 months later.

Anyway,take care and god bless u.

[worriedtodeath]

Is that true, would one or the other test really be positive by 20 days?

[MACKIA]

THE DRY COUGH WAS ONLY FOR  COUPLE OF DAYS AND WAS ONE OF THE LAST SYMPTOMS TO HIT. NOTHING FELT IN LUNGS.

THE FEMALE WAS A 1 NIGHT STAND. I HAD JUST MET HER.

READ (RASHES) THAT I POSTED TO THIS FORUM ON 8/28--THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE DESCRIPTION OF IT.

I CAN SPEAK FIRST HAND BECAUSE I KNOW EXACTLY WHO GAVE IT TO ME & WHEN AS WELL AS THE SYMPTOMS OF SEROCONVERSION THAT TOOK PLACE THERE AFTERWARDS.

[wendo]

Mackia,

I am indeed sorry to hear of your confirmed diagnosis.
I pray that you will have a healthy, great life and realize that you are not a bad person b/c you have this disease. It can happen to anyone.  

Good luck to you!

Wendo

[worriedtodeath]

I am willing to believe that the condom prob. did not break, but I really feel that kissing may have been a risk. We made out for several hours with some intense deep throat tounging, and lip and tounge sucking. I know people say low risk but is this possible.

[ryn21]

It is to my understanding that the mouth has such a high level of bacteria that saliva can not transmit the virus.  If you do a search on the internet, thebody.com as well as other sites including this one, there is no risk of transmitting the virus through kissing.  Unless however, the two of you were gushing blood out of your mouths or your lips were busted open gushing blood, then I could see it possible.

Anxiety is a killer though.

[worriedtodeath]

Is there any chance what so ever that I am feeling symptoms from my unprotected encounter 5 months ago. Was is the chance that the test would be negative at 5 months and positive at 6. If the infection laid dormant maybe that is why I did not feel any symptoms until a couple of weeks ago.

[ryn21]

Im not a doctor but I highly doubt it.  ARS usually occurs within 2-4 weeks of a sexual encounter with an infected person.  Not only that your test was conslusive that you dont have the disease.  5 months is more than enough time.  You  dont have it, as the Doctor would tell you again.

[worriedtodeath]

Would a condom have to break pretty obviously to have any risk of transmitting, because I had protected sex with someone a month ago, with some heavy open mouth kissing for hours with lots of lip and tounge sucking and fingering and I am loaded with symptoms. I can not understand it, the condom did not look ripped, nor did I inspect it, yet I am almost certain I have ARS. Can I have gotten it from kissing or touching.