Is she cheating

[argyllsox]

Male in my 40s

My wife of 13 years had to undergo ongoing testing and monitoring for HPV after a test came back nearly two years ago that she had HPV.  She just went back this week and the OBGYN said she's clear now.

I'm confused.

I've been completely faithful, but she strayed in 2000. It was an older man who had marital issues so he targeted my wife.  Apparently he was with a lot of partners, and didn't break it off till I caught them.   After I confronted her, she admitted it and said it was over, but their relationship lasted a number of months.

I'm not so sure if she's being faithful now. She's seemingly disinterested in having sex with me saying she doesn't want to contract HPV again.

How do I find out if I gave her HPV?  
The last time we had sexual relations was also nearly 2 years ago. (yes, I know).

Is it possible that she contracted HPV from her trist in 2000 and it didn't show up till 2007?
Is it safe to assume that if I were the carrier she would have had it show up in where we were having sex regularly in 2001-2006?

So confused.  Feel like I can't be intimate because of the HPV, but now I have a trust issue...
Need to know more about HPV and everythign I've read just confuses me

[debbydowner]

HPV take a long time to show up. Sometimes years, genital warts is what give you HPV, but that shows up 2-3 weeks after being in contact with someone else with genital warts. It is possible she had this years before and never had any symptoms. Now if you had HPV being a male and all, you most likely would not have symptoms like she would, some guys never have a symptom. You could have given it to her, or she could have gotten this before she cheated or during, theres not really a test out there that can pin-point when she got this. Also, you're paragraphs confuse me, you said her HPV cleared up? because HPV never goes away. So, i'm thinking if an obgyn told  her she was clear, her first pap-smear was wrong. i hope this helps a little. Any more questions just reply.

[auntiejessi]

HPV does go away, and it saddens and frustrates me that doctors are still telling their patients it doesn't.    http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_hpv_myths.cfm  see #6

Sox - I don't think you will ever know who had it first, who gave it to whom, etc.  I do think you and your wife might benefit from some marriage counseling, and I wish you the best.

Aj

[argyllsox]

Thanks Debby

My thought process is probably showing up in my writing...
Married 16 years this year.

IF my wife had HPV before we married, I would assume it should have shown up within  __x ___ number of years of our marriage?  3, 5, 7????

When she cheated... 7 years married... 9 years supposedly monogamous relationship... she obviously could have been infected.

She was diagnosed 2007. (6 years after her tryst)
She was told that it was clear 6 mo's ago by her doctor

So, trying to figure out if I'm a carrier (possible, though I haven't been tested), I'm assuming if I can infect her within a short period of time, that would explain the HPV occurrence.

@Auntiejessie
Thanks for the note.  I'm just trying to timeline the whole process to see if it's me, and what I need to do to address it.  

As for the Counselor, Been there, done that... I'm convinced that issues happen to everyone. For me, it's over if that's the case (infidelity).  Everyone makes a mistake (or almost everyone). To repeat it, is abusing my loyalty and I'm not inclined to stay in that type of a relationship, kids or not.

My issue is to figure out where the HPV came from, treat whomever needs to be treated (if it's one of us), and either return to normal or move on.

I have never had genital warts or any other STD.  
As I said, I'm monogamous in every relationship, and have been with just 5 partners (2 for their first time).

If I had sex with her after she was diagnosed, then could I have contracted HPV?

If I had sex with her before she was diagnosed, we don't know if it's me or her

So, how do I find out if it's me?

[auntiejessi]

There is no way you will ever know.  Chances are, it wasn't you, but you can't ever say that with 100% certainty, though its close.

There is no test for men and HPV, so I would assume, if you've had sex with her since the affair, that you've been exposed and have it.  It will change very little for you.

http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn.cfm

[auntiejessi]

Oh and the longest I've seen personally is 7 years.  That was a client who swore up and and down and back and forth that she had been abstinent for 7 years.  

I'm sure it could be longer, but 16 years is probably pushing it.