Keeps getting worst

[worriedtodeath]

Ok everyone I have lost my mind wondering about this, let me ask you this. We started out with very heavy open mouth kissing with tounge and lip sucking. I do not know if she had any ulcers in her mouth, none that I could see at least and I would imagine if there were any it would have hurt her to kiss like that. My gums do bleed lightly sometimes when I brush, but this was over an hour from when I had brushed. I did some fingering, and I don't believe I had any open cuts on my hand let alone as deep as some say it would have to be to infect.She touched me lightly but no where near on top. I opened the condom a good two min after touching her so any virus should have died, or I would assume. I remember it being on wrong and then flipping it over so I hope the virus would have been dead. I do not remember how far I rolled it down but it should have been close to the bottom. We had sex for like three min with her on top, and then I went on top for maybe 4 or 5 min. I did not check the condom for holes but I remember when I took it off it seemed in tact. If everyone keeps saying that the condom would totally bust open if it tears then that did not happen, I would have noticed. One week after the event I had some swallowing issues and then they went away. Following that about half a week later I had started getting some incredible stomach pain in the morning for a brief period and then it would go away, no change in appetite, however more trips to the bathroom . The pain then becoame a small stabbing that occured throughout the day, still no change in appetite. The next week, week 2 was all like that and tehn towards the end of the week I noticed some change in my vision. Brightness hurt, a bit blurred and some floaters. I checked on some HIV sites and lost it and went and got tested. I tested negative for antibody at week three and was not satisfied because of the window, and so I got a pcr rna done at 22 days and tested negative. Since then through week 3 and now into 4 I can not function all I think is about HIV. I had a feeling all through week three as though I was cold and need a sweater, yet my upper back felt as though it was on fire, it was the oddest thing, and then for a couple of days my skin felt real irritated and itchy but no rash. I lost my appeptite completly, I barely ate one thing a day for 6 days straight. Granted as high as my anxiety was I dont know what caused it, and I lost like 15 pounds. I have been somewhat calmer the last few days and now this throat thing has started. If I am eating or drinking something I have no pain or problem, however when just trying to swallow it is hard to get down and hurts around my throat. Doc says does not look like glands but that my tonsils are hudge. My lower back is killing me, and I have not had a temp above 99.2. I am loosing my mind. I keep asking are these not obvious signs of HIV, and if they are how they hell did that happen as protected as I am. DId I miss something, what is going on

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Relax.  You almost certainly do not have HIV.  The event you describe was low risk, despite all your apparent concerns about the details of what happened and how.  The symptoms you describe are nonspecific; that is, while some of them could be due to HIV, they could also be caused by other things that are much more common than HIV.  And most of your symptoms don't sound like HIV anyway.  Finally, you have seen a doctor who apparently has reassured you, and your negative HIV test resuls further argue against HIV infection.

Follow through with your doctor, and have another HIV antibody test at least 6 weeks after the event.  It will be negative.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[bluebird05]

I think the Doc. will say it is highly unlikely you have HIV from that incident.  And perhaps you picked up a virus from heavy kissing.  There's a very common kissing virus called the Epstein Barr virus which causes mono and a number of things as well.  Wait to see what the Doc. says but in the meantime you shouldn't lose any sleep over the thought of HIV.

[Imdumb]

Your sex was protected. No way did you get HIV from that episode. Worry and anxiety makes us loose our appitite and loose weight. And you certainly have a huge amount of that. You are 100 percent HIV free.

[Imdumb]

Your sex was protected. No way did you get HIV from that episode. Worry and anxiety makes us loose our appitite and loose weight. And you certainly have a huge amount of that. You are 100 percent HIV free.

[scaredstraight68]

Ok here your symptoms were EXACTLY like mine!

1:  tight stomach, in the morning it was almost unbarable.
2:  bathroom problems
3:  HIV anxiety, I would wake up at 4 in the morning and all I did was think about HIV.
4:  My arms were weak and would tengle
5:  I would walk around in a haze
6: My vision was blurry esecially at night and during the day it felt like it was 2 bright for me.
7:  Coated tounge
8:  Sweating.  I would sweat on my way to work, at work in bed everywhere..
9:  Small bumps on my body.

I just got my - HIV test today and I already feel the symptoms leaving.  What your suffering from isnt HIV, I assure you.  It's anxiety.  I know it's easy for me to say now but I'm just telling you what every other ex-WW has told me and its the truth.  Listen to the doc, he's a pro.  You don't havve HIV.

[worriedtodeath]

That is why I was trying to accept that maybe I was ok since most complained of the same symptoms. Then when this thing witht the dry coughing and pain in the glands happened I lost it, I figure that is my big positive sign

[worriedtodeath]

Anyone have any thoughts on how my throat can ironically hurt this bad right on time, attached to all of the other symptoms and I would still have a chance that I am not positive.

[worriedtodeath]

Doc, can you please give me some extra feedback on my situation, or anyone who can.

[Imdumb]

I would say most of your symptoms are also symtoms of anxiety and things you probably have all the time and are normal, but never think about.  For example, I was looking for symptoms and looked at my tounge, which was whiteish.  But have you ever seen a tounge that has thrush?  It isn't pretty.  And then guess what?  After I had a negative test, I realized my tounge always has some whitish look to it.

Your sex was protected - no way do you have HIV from the exisode you describe.

[worriedtodeath]

I did not check the condom after sex and I am afraid it may have ripped on top because I have an overwhelming amount of symptoms. First under my arms feels swollen, my neck is getting stiff, my throat is killing me, I am tired as hell, I am very achy. All of this following funny abdominal pain and rapid weight loss, irritated eyesight, and white tounge and what seems to me a little bit of gum recession. I am terrified is there any way for this to have a good outcome or am I beyond a chance.

[Christie2004]

You are overfocusing on these nonspecific symptoms and inappropriately are convinced you have HIV.  Look at your wording "am I beyond a chance", "is there still a chance I'm not positive", etc-when the doc has reassured you already.

Look back over what JohnnyV told Toddbenny a few posts down.  Read the whole string.  He discusses very succinctly HIV fear/obsession.  It is very insightful.  You would do well to take it to heart.

The doc has said to repeat the test at 6 weeks, but he also said he felt very confident it would be negative.  Your worry is not appropriate, EVEN if the condom did break.  And I think you would have noticed if it had broken.  It's not subtle.  

I can sit here right now if I wanted to and list probably every single symptom of most major diseases that I might have...when you become hyperacute your overwhelming scrutiny of your body makes what is just normal stuff get magnified.  Right now I have muscles aches, fatigue, blurred vision, nausea, headache, sore feet...the list goes on.  Could I have some dread disease?  Possible, but not likely.  More likely is the fact I worked a killer 12 hour shift last night and didn't sleep well today.  The point is that sometimes you look too hard at things and your body magnifies them if you have a particular point of anxiety like HIV fear.


Read JohnnyV's response to Toddbenny.

[worriedtodeath]

Just to add to my ever growing list, I do not know if this has anything to do with the symptoms, but today I now have overwhelming lower back pain.

[Christie2004]

I left that out of my list, too.  Today my knees are sore.  And I don't have HIV.  In fact, there isn't anything physically wrong with me..that's just life and the aches and pains that go along with it.

Look--your list is "ever growing" b/c you are convinced you have HIV and are inappropriately taking very, very nonspecific health symptoms, scrutinizing and analyzing them, and making them into something terrifying.  Read what JohnnyV said to ToddBenny below.  

[worriedtodeath]

I hope you are right, but the symptoms keep growing but most of the old ones are not going away. I just seem to be falling apart. My stomach does not hurt as much anymore mainly because I am not eating that much, my vivon is still sensitive my back and neck hurt and are stiff, my tounge is white and sensitive. I still get some headaches, fatigue, soreness, chills, sweats, and now the glands in my neck as well as mt tounsils are swollen and painfull. The ironic thing is that the thought of this even being a remote risk let alone some risk experience never crossed my mind. I had initially just started with a funny feeling in my tounge and throat and then the intense stomach pain. I thought nothing of it and figured I just had an upset stomach, but then it would not go away, I had more trips to the bathroom, and the pain started to disturb me. A couple of days later I ran into a woman I had unprotected 5 months ago and started to wonder if maybe I had  caught something from her since I had never been tested. I jumped on an HIV sites and so I had matching signs, I was terrifed, the only thing that seemed odd is that it said most people started symptoms 2-4 weeks after encounter. All week I was waiting to get tested. Finally the Saturday, which was beginning of week 3 for the latest event I got tested and it came back negative. I read everywhere that 5 months was more than enough time and so I was relieved; however rather than get better I got worst. More and more symptoms appeared. I started with chills, night sweats, light temp, tehn my mouth looked and tasted funny. At times my back and chest felt like I was freezing on the skin level but burning on the inside almost like a rash was going to break out. My skin was even irritated and itchy by my clothes, but to the best of my knowledge no rash. Then I did some research and found the PCR test and had an RNA done at 22 days and it came back neg. I could not eat a thing or I would get a stomach ache or naseua. Lastly this Monday being the beginning of week 4 I started getting some pain in the underarms as though my pits were swollen and I was so tired and started coughing more. It stayed pretty much there until Thursday when I noticed the funny feeling in my mouth was really that I was not truly swallowing all of the saliva in my mouth, kind of like when you have flem (phlegm) back there and I started forcing it to go down and then my throat was killing me. I had a doctors appointment that day and asked him to check my glands. He sayed they did not feel swollen but that my tonsils were heavily irritated and I started to wonder agin. Overt he last three days I have noticed that my neck and lower back are very stiff and I have a lot of trouble keeping upbeat with energy. This is why I have come to the conclusion that it must be positve and it would have to be this latest experience that caused it. I have been going crazy trying to figure out how. As I explained before if those other activities(Kissing, Touching)had no risk, I would have to say it was the sex, and so I started wondering what if the condom broke and I did not check or notice. Everyone I have spoken to says that they do not break lightly either they fall apart or stay in one piece and as long as it is most of the way down and does not slip off you are ok. Well I was a little drunk so if it was a little hole I would not have noticed, if they really fall apart like that I would have noticed when I took it off. At this point I am lost, I feel there are overwhelming symptoms pointing to HIV and nothing else. I can not figure out where and how I went wrong.

[joeworried]

As I'm sure you've read in other threads, symptoms are a poor way of determining your hiv status.  The only sure way is to get the appropriate tests.

If you insist on checking into this further, suggest going to google and typing in "patients uptodate."  You need to navigate a bit through the website, but you will come across an article written by two Harvard Medical School doctors.  This is the best article I have seen on acute hiv infection.  

As the article states, the first sympton is typically a fever ranging from 38 to 40 degrees Celsius.  If you do the conversion, this translates to 100.4 to 104 degrees Fahrenheit.  The other symptoms come a few days after the fever.  So unless you have a temperature well over 100 degrees, you don't have ARS.

Best of luck.

[JohnnyV]

Worriedtodeath: Nothing you do right now can change the basic facts of HIV. The facts are that your chances of being infected are extremely low. The facts are also that nothing but an HIV test will confirm that your chances are zero. The facts are also that, in order for the HIV test to give you that confirmation, you have to be past a window period of about 6-12 weeks.

So it's unfortunate, but you have to get your mind on other things between now and the HIV test. Reconnect with some of your hobbies. See a doctor about your general health concerns, none of which can be matched to HIV infection. We can all try to relax you, but we can't change the biological realities of the disease and testing...

Do some relaxation exercises, occupy your mind with other things, and consider seeing a counselor. In the meantime, listen to what everyone has said, and trust them enough not to drive yourself crazy thinking that everyone is wrong and somehow your worst fears are right....

Peace,
J

[worriedtodeath]

I get my results from my 5 week test on Wednesday, I pray that you guys were correct. I feel much better which I guess is kind of good yet bad. I am happy to feel better, but can not understand how everything just melted away. Please keep me in your prayers, you guys are awesome.

[JohnnyV]

Worried,

I'll keep you in my prayers and I'm sure everyone here is rooting for you. Best wishes!

J

[worriednstressed2]

2 Worriedtodeath.

I have exactly the same symptoms.  I have had two hiv tests in the last seven months both which are negative.  I am female so I am having female issues that wont go away.  But I have all the other symptoms you have as well.  It is so hard and confusing when all you want to do is feel normal and no one can give you a good answer.  I have started to believe that it is my guilt and my nerves getting the best of me.  I to wake up in the night and the thought of hiv is all that is there.  Why?  I dont know.  My younger brother is hiv positive and has been for years and tells me that cant be it.  I wish I could be of more help and if I ever find out what is wrong with me I will tell you!