The mouth symptoms you have cannot be herpes. Just as for genital herpes, oral herpes causes periodic outbreaks, usually 1-2 weeks in duration, followed by complete healing; and then may recur. In other words, if you had oral herpes, whether due to HSV-1 or HSV-2, it would mimic the sort of symptoms you probably have had with your genital herpes. Continuous symptoms for 6 months cannot be herpes. On top of all that, autoinoculation is rare in people with recurrent HSV infections, which you seem to already know. On balance, I am certain your 'gut' is wrong and that herpes does not explain your oral symptoms.
Your primary care provider should be able to handle this issue, or can suggest referral to an appropriate specialist. Or ask your dentist. Alternatively, since you are in a city with sophisticated medical services, consider seeking an oral medicine specialist. Oral medicine is a subspecialty of dentistry, and I'm pretty sure there is an oral medicine department at the UCSF dental school and probably also at Stanford. Or your dentist can refer you to an oral medicine specialist.
In the meantime,
Probably you misunderstood the ophthalmologist; I cannot imagine an opthalmologist actually believing that "sub-clinical" ocular herpes exists or that it could be causing your symptoms.
I never guarantee that anybody isn't infected, but I see no reason you cannot safely kiss your family members.
Loves dogs: You seem very anxious about having herpes, so I'm guessing you're hyper-aware of all genital (and now oral) symptoms. Since it's not herpes, what have your doctors said about them?
So how could your hubby get hsv2 on his facial area later on? The nicks and cuts of shaving can create open portals into the body for the virus to enter. Most of the time it's not an issue and certainly your husband is the exception to the norm but it can happen. Sometimes your body is worn down doing other things and the not supposed to happen does happen. I"ve been online for many years now doing herpes support and education and I still only need 1 hand to count all the folks I"ve heard this happening to. It really is that uncommon. As HHH already pointed out - you don' t have some superstrain of hsv - your husband has badluck is what is boils down to. What is going on in your own body could be many, many things and without culturing and a further work up you won't figure it out easily on your own. I wouldn't count the fact that it appeared to get better when you upped your valtrex dose as meaning much of anything to be honest.
grace
I took Valtrex for almost a year after I was first diagnosed. I Had a huge blistering zit on my lip initially that sent me running to the clinic. That tested negative, but my blood test came back positive. Even the nurses were shocked. The guy I was with was negative. I now know when I caught it and from who. The only thing I can come up with is that I had herpes below and it was transferred about by him. My face was fine while on the Valtrex. Since I've stopped it, wham... not fine anymore. It's never been as bad as the first flare up, but it's obnoxious.
I have been to doctors ranging from general practitioners all the way up to an HIV expert that specializes in Herpes. Many, including the specialist, actually told me I don't even have herpes, I've merely been exposed. Right. I can't imagine ever telling someone, 'Oh so sorry I gave this to you, 'they' said I was merely exposed'.
The best I can say is try a STD clinic. You can find them through your local health department. They will culture anything you are concerned about. For a while I was running there every month or so. Nothing ever came back positive. Sadly, they (at least mine) do not make appointments and waiting around half a day is hardly convenient. Problem with herpes is testing time. So, Do I have it? Do I have it orally? I don't know how/ if I'll ever find out with certainty. Maybe all my symptoms are nothing, maybe they are hormonal or aging related. Wish I could know for sure.
What really peeves me off is the lack of ability to truely know that leaves people like us in an anxious state about even so much as kissing someone. Worse off, I'm convinced I gave it to my son prior to finding out I was infected. Afterall, if type one can be passed by a simple kiss, why not type 2 ?
HSV2 was previously thought to be impossible or at best rare. My opinion is that so many people had type 1 orally and that the two viruses can't reside in the same location, few did actually get it. I never had type 1... at this point, I wish I did at least that is socially acceptable. As far as autoinoculation, I'm confused. "They' say it only happens in the primary infection at best. I had it for 8 months prior to (what I believe) the transfer to my oral area. I've also met people that have actually transferred it to themselves in odd locations as well. So, how much is really certain?
Dr H, MonkeyFlower... I'm pretty sure you both will say I don't or it's unlikely I have it orally. However, Is there any home testing studies that people like us can get involved with? Afterall, HSV2 orally is possible, therefore, wouldn't it be better to know for sure rather than for us to believe that it is so rare it couldnt possibly happen to us and in turn pass it on?!?
Hope this isn't considered thread jumping, as that is not my intention.
Good luck LovesDogs and try the clinics. Know you're not alone!