I'll try to help, but I cannot settle anything with certainty. You have been burning up several community forums for the past 3-4 days with variations on the same questions. I didn't take the time to read all the responses, but on quick scan, some of them gave you accurate advice, although others did not. (It is not true that almost "any bacteria" can cause bacterial vaginosis.)
Most genital symptoms in women are nonspecific. In other words, the identical symptoms can occur with several different infections, including STDs and non-STD infections, and by various non-infectious problems. There often are clues based on odor, itching, and the nature of the vaginal discharge, but these are only clues and don't ever allow definite answers. For this reason, the detailed symptoms usually don't help much in knowing the diagnosis. That you have had more than one sex partner certainly raises the strong possibility of an STD, but seeing a health care provider and being examined and tested is the only way to sort out something like this.
Unfortunately, as you hav found, even professional examination and testing doesn't always give clear answers, at least not right away. Modern gonorrhea and chlamydia tests are very accurate, so you can be pretty sure neither of those is the problem. The common test for trich (just looking under a microscope) misses many infections, so trich remains possible. Herpes is always possible, and your husband's penile pimples, "tears", and scabs make herpes seem a good possibility. On the other hand, most STDs don't cause hematuria in either men or women.
The bottom line is that I cannot explain your symptoms. Herpes seems a definite possibility, however. If that's what you have, it sounds more likely that you caught it from your husband, not from your other partner.
All I can suggest is that you and your husband continue to follow up with your health care providers and work with them. In addition, it would be wise to ask your other partner to be examined. All of you should discuss herpes testing with your respective providers. If any of you have an open genital ulceration or sore, direct testing for the virus can be done; otherwise, blood testing is the way to go.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
Just to be a little more clear, hematuria can be caused by herpes, but not likely other STDs (except maybe chlam/gono but I tested negative, so we can rule those out)?? Is that what you're saying?
If it is herpes, how long can it be before I get any sores? Is it possible to have it and NEVER get any sores/blisters/bumps???
What should I look for with the current symptoms my husband has?
Thank you again.
Many people with herpes don't have overt, easily recognized sores or blisters.
My main message to you is that further speculation is pointless. You may never know for sure what's going on. If a diagnosis becomes clear, it will be through the passage of time (with possible new or changing symptoms) and/or from more complete diagnostic testing of all three involved persons. You're never going to work it out by online searching or through an online expert, no matter how knowledgeable s/he may be.
Your time and responses are much appreciated.
That will have to be the last comment on this thread.