Trapped and confused / STD Risks advice

[scott2015]

I have been reading this forum for over a year and have only just pulled the courage together to post my question in HOPE to seek closure on a mistake that I have lived with for over a year. I would like very accurate and professional advice before I go insane!!!

I am married and love my wife more than anything in this world and hope your advice can stop the confusion in my head. I am asking this question because of guilt and because I’ve put the most important person in my life at health risk. Me and my wife are also having fertility issues which is further fuelling this worry. I have read a few stories similar to mine on Medhelp which gives some comfort but I would like closure (if even possible), I CANNOT ask my wife to be tested or tell her about this, she will 100% leave me. I feel like an innocent man in prison, PLEASE HELP ME!

My Story: In December 2013 (yes 15 months ago) I went to a strip club with some colleagues after my Christmas end of year party. The guys hired a few strippers in a private area and after a few shots/drinks we started to play drinking games but this got out of hand like most Christmas nights out. After a few drinks my hands got tied behind my back whilst blindfolded, my trousers were removed and the stripper poured alcohol down my penis area which she removed with her mouth. My penis made contact with her mouth for 10 / 15 seconds as a guess. This was not aimed for sexual pleasure, just a alcohol mistake!

I had sex with my wife after this but did not know that someone’s mouth could pass STD’s until I went on the internet a few weeks after. I have been worried that I could have infected my wife. Through extensive research (on Medhelp via HowardH, Vance, Doc Hook, Life360, Grace, Doc Handsfield) I now understand most STD’s and believe that I had low risks of NGU, Gonorrhoea, Herpes and 1 in million Syphilis.

I couldn’t have caught herpes because I already have the HSV 1 virus, I have had NGU from soap before and know the symptoms (which I didn’t have), she definitely had no chancre sore so Syphilis chance was zero but I have been VERY worried about Gonorrhoea (although I haven’t had symptoms but know it can be asymptomatic). You will see by my questions that I’ve done some research but this has left me confused.

Despite testing negative could someone answer my questions / queries below:

1. My penis did not enter her throat only the front of her mouth for no more than 20 seconds maximum. According to my UK GUM Clinic & reading some information on medhelp that to be at risk she would need to give deep throat oral as any germs would be in the back of her throat? Is this true?

2. She didn’t deep throat, am I still at risk?

3. I have read that most STD’s self-cure through the body’s immune system. Apparently gonorrhoea self-cures after in males on average of 6 weeks?

4. Self-cures after in females on average of 6 months?

5. I have been worried that I may have self-cured after 6 weeks and unknowingly passed infection to my wife and then tested negative. If this did happen, would she have re-infected me over the last 12 months?

6. Since this happened, I have had sex with my wife over 100 times. As I am unable to tell my wife about this situation, I have been tested on a few occasions to allow for re-infection if she had it. I have tested negative after 2 months, 6 months, 9 months. If she had gonorrhoea, would I have definitely been re-infected by now?

7. According to doc handsfield, nobody carries gonorrhoea for over a year. If I did infect my wife would she have self-cured by now?

8. I have NO WAY of asking my wife if she has been infected, its killing me not knowing this. Based on what I have told you, can I 100% move forward?

This whole situation has left me paranoid! I am married and not interested in other relationships, my wife is my world and I have remained faithful since we met. I would like some information clearing up so hopefully I can move on.

Please help me.

[Vance2335]

I would not be concerned about a STD

[apitoxin]

Hi there friend,

I understand completely how you feel, and actually i AM in your position right now. Those feeling of guilt, worries and anxieties really eat you up from inside. I too have been tested and went to the doctors multiple times, i actually getting tested again today. I too have the same advice given to me by doctors and from everyone in this forum to stop worrying and beating yourself up from one mistake of lapse of judgment.

I can't help you much but i could share some information that i got from my doctors (plural) that said that Gonorrhoea in men WILL always cause symptoms as soon as 2 days after exposure which include a VERY painful burning sensation in urinating and  visible discharge from penis if you haven't tried to medicate using antibiotics, if left untreated it would lead to Epididymitis which you would felt the discomfort and pain. The lack of symptoms in your experience would be a good indicator that you didn't get it from your exposure. Let us try to move on from this exposure, we made mistakes, because we are only human.

[alan74]

Hi

You really need to stop beating yourself up over this one mistake which I am sure you regret.  Guilt is your biggest problem here.......not a STD.
I am not a health professional but agree with your comments that doctors have made across the years in the doctor forums.
Insertive oral sex carries a very very low risk for any STD and the fact this was a one time brief episode further reduces the very very low risk to virtually none existent.  Gonorrhoea is present at the back of the throat if it was ever there and would require deep insertion have any risk of transmission.

You have had repeated negative tests which you didn't need.  If I were in your position I would continue to have a sexual relationship with your wife.