Very scared and regretful

[vs7829]

Dear Doctor,

On Saturday morning I went to a strip club in Las Vegas. To make a long story short she invited me to her home. Before any activity occurred I asked if she had any diseases. She said no. I ended up having unprotected oral sex on her and protected vaginal sex. She did say she had just finished her period the day before but I did not see any blood. My concern is that after I had ejaculated I slipped out of the condom and it remained inside her and my unprotected penis could have come in contact with her fluids. I am pretty sure (but not positive) that the condom remained on until I ejaculated becuase my fluids were all over my penis. All in all I was probably in her about 1-3 minutes.

I am so petrified that I have caught HIV or some other disease whilst withdrawing. I have a wife and child on the way and I am so scared. I do not want to pass anything to her and if there is a chance I have contracted something I will tell her even though it will be the end of my marriage. This has taught me a huge lesson and to be thankful of what I have.

After the activity I did notice that she had some whitish dried discharge on her vagina but I did not perform oral sex there. I was so pertired of the experirence that I was a wreck the next day. I do know where the girl lives and I have called her since to please confirm to me that she does not have any diseases. She called back and told me she did not know of anything and that she was tested 5 months ago and was negative. She said I am freaking out way too much. I want to believe her but considering her profession I have a difficult time doing so. Would someone be so heartless to lie about this? I just want to make sure that if I did potentailly be exposed to something I can tell my wife.

Please help doctor - your board is reassuring but what is the likihood I caught something from this encounter. Since Sunday I have been experirenceing a constant need to pee and the pee is very yellow. No burning but when I focus there I always feel there is a tingle and a need to pee. Did I get a tract infection from her. If so, does that mean I was exposed to HIV too? I am so pertified right now. Is there anything else I caould have caught and when can I get tested for those.

I hear I have to wait three months for a HIV test but can I get a pcr test in 4 weeks - I hear that there is a likelihood of a false positive. I read that you say a 6 week test is definitive. I hope so - what about after 4 weeks - I cant wait to get tested as I am so scared that I may lose everthing so dear to me - my wife and my unborn chid.

Please help. I am losing my mind and very anxious. Please give me your honest assessment doctor. I very much appreciate your response.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

See many other threads about the low risk of acquiring HIV from a single episode of vaginal sex. You were protected by the condom, even if she were infected--which she almost certainly was not; penile skin contact with vaginal secretions isn't a risk, nor is oral sex.  The urinary symptoms you describe do not sound like any STD,  certainly not HIV.

You do not need HIV PCR testing; it will be a waste of money.  Have a routine HIV blood test 3-4 weeks after exposure.  Search through the many threads with search term "time to positive HIV test"; most infected people have poritive results by 4 weeks.  A second test at 3 months is optional (but formally recommended by most experts).

The escort is right about you "freaking out way too much".  It's understandable, perhaps, but unwarranted.  Your wife and baby are not at risk.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[Imdumb]

This is pretty common I am finding out.  Husband loses his mind for a short period of time...realizes he has risked everthing he holds dear..and focuses every waking momemnt on the possibility of giving his wife HIV.  Anxiety causes "symptoms" but nothing realy concrete..a sore throat here, a slight sting after urination, dull testicle ache..etc.

The fact is you wore a condom and there is no chnace you got HIV from this.  There are only very slight 1 in a million type chnaces you caught anything.  If you don't have any discharge or sores by day 10 you do not have an STD.  And I can say that you will not have those symptoms.  Many of us though work ourselves up to the point only a negative test will do.  I was in your shoes and finally realized I either needed to tell my wife or get tested myself.  I took the "get tested myself approach" and tested negative for HIV, Syphills, gonnerrea and chlymidia.  No herpes test but since I had no sore I didn't bother nor am I worried about it because of lack of symptoms.  If you tell your wife and then find out you are negative of anything, you will regret telling her.  Just either forget it or get tested, whatever you need to do.  If you buck the 1 in several million chnace you have something, then of coarse tell her.  But beleive me, you don't have anything and you best coarse for everyone to have a happy and healthly life is to leave it in Vegas.  (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, remember?)

The next thing you HAVE TO DO, is figure our for yourself why you did it and how you are going to keep from doing it again.  Counceling and knowledge of sexual addiction might help.

[vs7829]

Doctor and imdumb,

Thankyou very much for you comments - doc - you are legend - you have definitly relived my anxiety concerns to a degree where I can believe I have not contracted anything. I will definitly get tested in 4 weeks and a retest in 6 weeks.

One thought though - I know you say that becuase I wore a condom that I am at a very low risk - but what if the condom fell off during sex without me noticing - i'm not sure if i have a urinary tract infection but if I got it from her, could i not have got HIV too potentially. How would your conclusion change based on this. I'm pretty sure the condom was on when I came but can't be sure as it wasn't on when i came out. I guess from your comments I will be OK - I hope so doc - please confirm.

Your site is excellent - thankyou for your time in answering my questions - your comments are reassuring and it will get me to my test in 3-4 weeks time - thanks! I hope i am ok - i would hate to think i could give me wife something.

[bluebird05]

Like the Doc. said, you are clear.  It's very hard for a man to get HIV from a woman during normal vaginal or oral sex even without a condom.  Let this be a learning experience...forget that it happened and move on.  Don't tell your wife, it's not worth losing your marriage and child over this....just don't do it again.