STDs Expert Forum
What is my risk? I'm so nervous! Did I ruin my marriage?
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The STD Forum is intended only for questions and support pertaining to sexually transmitted diseases other than HIV/AIDS, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, human papillomavirus, genital warts, trichomonas, other vaginal infections, nongonoccal urethritis (NGU), cervicitis, molluscum contagiosum, chancroid, and pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). All questions will be answered by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D. or Edward W Hook, MD.

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What is my risk? I'm so nervous! Did I ruin my marriage?

Hello, I have been married and faithful for a while, however I had a moment of weakness and am so scared. This is what happened.

I met a woman on a site that was looking to hook up with another woman (I'm a male). Anyways we talked and I offered her some money for a sexual act. This is what we did.

I performed oral sex on a her for about 20 minutes and also went down on her anus. She did not appear to have any sores/issues down there, but it was sort of dark. Afterwards, we both performed oral on each other. Her mouth was on me for less than 5 minutes but I did ejaculate (not in her mouth). There were no noticeable sores on the outside of her mouth.

I asked her before anything if she was clean and STD free. She said she was, but if she thought people would really be honest about that? I said I had hoped so and she said she really was, but wasn't sure others would be honest.

After the encounter I asked again if she was STD free and HIV negative. She said she was. She said she hasn't had a boyfriend for like 6-8 months so it would be impossible. However, I know that it is quite possible.

This was about 4 days ago. I have no sores or anything on my penis, however I keep checking and over analyze everything. Maybe this is a sore, maybe it is something else, am I feeling an itch, etc.? It looks normal but I'm not sure.

I don't want to ruin my marriage. Please advise. What are my chances of contracting something. Should I just put this is the past and never cheat again? I need to know my risk of HIV, Herpes, and all the other STDs. I don't want to give my wife anything and don't want to lose her if she finds out.

Please help. I am freaking out.
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Welcome to the forum.

You need to try to calm down.  Don't confuse your shame and guilt over a sexual decision you regret with STD risk; they aren't the same.  This was an extremely low risk event for any STD.  You do not need testing and and you can safely continue unprotected sex with your wife without fear of infecting her with anything.  That's what I would do if somehow I found myself in your situation.

First, people who advertise for sex on the internet often have low risks for STD, and mostly post truthful information about their STD/HIV status.  Her verbal assurance probably also is accurate -- and although you are correct that some STDs can persist several months, your partner indeed is at lower risk if she hasn't had other partnerships in the past 6-8 months.

Second, oral sex is safe sex.  It isn't totally risk free, but carries much lower risks than unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse.  Cunnilingus (oral-vaginal) is especially safe; and fellatio (oral-penile) also very low risk for the penile partner.  Specifically, your risk for HIV, hepatitis, and chlamydia was zero; for herpes or gonorrhea well under one chance in many thousand; and for syphilis nearly zero.

So my advice is to stop checking yourself closely -- when anxious people keep looking hard, they often come to notice entirely normal skin anomalies or minor symptoms that are meaningless, just anxiety altering their perceptions.  For sure don't repeatedly squeeze your penis looking for discharge -- you may just create discharge from the resulting irritation.  Many, many men have undergone unnecessary and medical evaluations and self-prolonged anxiety by doing these things.

I hope this has helped.  Best wishes--  HHH, MD
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H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.Blank
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