What to tell wife

[Attraction]

Yesterday I was diagnosed with NSU. I was treated and told that I must inform all sexual contacts within the last two months i.e. my wife and a girl I had sex with 5 weeks ago. I have told the girl all about it and told her to go to a clinic. I have told my wife that I have urethritis and told her that she must go to doctor or clinic. I have not told her that it is necessarily sexually transmitted or that I have had sex outside our 22 year marriage. She is going to her GP tomorrow. Will she be told that one of us has been unfaithful?

[mayflowers]

Most likely.......the important thing is that she get treatment as well as yourself.  

[Attraction]

I know that and hope that, in telling her to go to the doctor, I have done the right thing. I accept full responsibility for my actions and realise that I am being selfish again in seeking to keep the source of the infection from her but I have a young family with the eldest just entering the most important stage of his education; I am desperate to safeguard the happy home. I just wonder how long I should keep up the pretense. Further lies are very hard at this stage but the truth might wreck my marriage.

[gracefromHHP]

I doubt your wife's gyn is going to test her for std's unless you give her reason to tell her she needs tested.  I think you'd prefer you were the one talking to your wife about this than her gyn sitting her down and telling her that she should consider that her husband has had an affair don't you?

grace

[Attraction]

I really don't know. It is all pretty scary and I am still not 100% sure about the diagnosis. I had no symptoms for 5 weeks after having extramarital sex and I have read one of the docs on here saying symptoms should appear in 48 hours after infection. What if I have prostatitis and my discharge had nothing to do with an STD? Is that worth wrecking my marriage for?
I guess I am hoping that the GP will test my wife and, on the strength of me having admitted having urethritis, treat her with antibiotics. There is, from the timings, surely a good chance that the infection I have is neither Chlamidiya or Gonorrea (is that how you spell it?) aand is, as diagnosed a 'non-specific' bacteria or, indeed, prostratits.

[Attraction]

Grace. What is 'HHP'? I take it you are a health professional. I spoke to my wife this evening (I'm away from home at present) and she didn't mention a thing. I suspect she didn't go to the doctor today or she would have said something. I realise I am clutching at crazy straws by thinking of things like prostatitis but am I not right in thinking there are some questions still unanswered about my case until the bacteria is typed? I had sex over 5 weeks ago with a casual aquaintance. I didn't have any symptoms until 3 days ago. My wife has been prone to thrush infections for about 2 years and was once given Azithromycin (or something else in single dose that made her nauseous) for a particularly nasty thrush infection combined with cystitis 18 months ago. She had one of these 'thrush' episodes about a week after my extramarital encounter but it cleared up with the usual antifungal treatment. She has also had some intermittent bleeding but that started some time ago when, because of her age (45) her contraceptive pill was changed.
Is it really right for me to confess to infidelity right now with so much uncertainty?
By the way, I am 99% certain she has been faithful and I have no desire to put any blame whatsover on to her but I am NOT going to do it again and,if I can save us the heartache and danger of a break-up, I want to do that.

[Attraction]

Last comment before reply. Promise. My wife is also a genital herpes sufferer but, as far as we are aware, hasn't had an outbreak since before we married. Just a further complication whenever she has any concerns about infection.

[yama1983]

I recently not had sex with my wife for 4 months was abroad for the entire time i caught nsu and have been diagnosed and treated for it but have had sex with my wife before been diagnosed. I was told by the doctor to inform my wife so she can come in for testing . I do not know how to tell her this i am so scared because of the complication that can arise i love my wife dearly and i cannot bear to tell her this i am deeply hurt have not even had sex with her since been treated . there must be another way please advise

[auntiejessi]

I can't advise you to lie.  She will be getting medication - and its very important that she does - so I don't know how you can prevent her finding out.

I don't know if you mean another way to treat her, or not tell her, or what, but I can't advise you to lie.  This is her health we are talking about.

Aj

[Attraction]

I am the guy who started this thread way back in 2007. My NSU infection turned into a nightmare as it didn't respond to treatment for many months and the precise diagnosis was, eventually, very uncertain.
However, the positive side was that I told my wife I had a GU infection and that we had to attend the clinic together. We did and we were both treated without any duiscussion of how I got the infection in the first place. That may just mean that my wife is extremely naive but it does show that you can go to a clinic without there needing to be any enbarassing discussions. The clinicians won't discuss the sexual history of the other partner unless you ask them to.

[auntiejessi]

Yes, your wife must be naive.  I'd be asking everyone, and mostly you, why we were there, and how you could have gotten this infection.

How are you feeling now?  Are symptoms finally gone?

Aj

[Attraction]

It took for ever to clear and there was some suggestion in the end that I may have had a thrush infection. I had every antibiotic under the sun and it kept coming back despite abstaining from sex for months. It was a terrible time. Very depressing.
I agree, my wife must be naive, but the point I was trying to make was that the health professionals will not even discuss relationships and certainly won't apportion 'blame'. THey take a history and ask about all sexual partners but they do not dwell on it or discuss it with your partner.
My case shows that it is not always necessary to confess all before seeking help.