Wife with symptoms-terrified

Over the course of 2005 I have had unprotected oral sex with a transexual and a man both giving and receiving and then one episode or receiving oral only from a man.  3 events in all. I never had any noticable seminal fluid in mouth as the events were brief 30 secs or so.  For the past 8 weeks my wife has had a reoccuring sore throat, a dry scratchy cough and three scabs, one on her ear, neck and back.  The each show up at different times but remain for 2 or 3 weeks before clearing up. I am deathly afraid that I have infected her with something.  I have looked at the studies on the low risk of oral but I am concerned.  On jan 13th I noticed my armpit gland swelling and a few days later my other armpit and my groin lymph nodes are swollen.  Feels like the size of a peanut.  When I sit down, my leg goes numb from the swollen gland on the right side just below my waist band for my pants.  They still remain swollen today.  I can't feel any in my neck but it feels stiff. I think I may have geographic tongue as well.   I have been married for 7 yrs and these only my only possible exposures.  I have a few questions:

1.  Do you think I need to be tested for HIV?
2.  Do HIV sores show up as rashes or single scabs at a time?
3.  Do my gland symptoms sound familiar to those you have seen with HIV?
4.  Would full blown AIds (lesion) show up only 12months after initial exposure?
5.  I dont see many posts on scabs/lesions on here, are they uncommon for HIV?

Thanks for any insight ....relief you can provide.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Your risk for HIV from only 3 exposures is low, and neither your symptoms nor your wife's sound particularly suggestive of HIV.  There are very many possible causes of the same symptoms, all of which are much more common than HIV.  Conceivably you could have been unlucky and acquired HIV - but if so, it has nothing to do with your symptoms or your wife's.

1) "Need" is a relative term.  I suggest you get tested, not because I am highly suspicous you have it, but for the peace of mind from a negative result.

2) Sores/scabs like you describe do not suggest HIV.

3) Persons' own assessment of their own lymph nodes is exceedingly unreliable.  I do not consider that you have any enlarged lymph nodes unless/until that is confirmed by a health care provider.

4) Overt AIDS can develop within a year, but it's uncommon.

5) No; see above.

Bottom line:  See a health care provider about your symptoms.  Be 100% honest about your sexual lifestyle, then follow his/her advice about diagnosis, testing, etc.  If you are not confident in your doctor's knowledge in this area, or his/her sensitivity to your sex life, etc, visit the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association website (www.glma.org), through which you probably can identify a suitable provider near you.  GLMA is a great resource for health care advice for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons.

Good luck-- HHH, MD

[unluckyoral]

Just to clarify your answer to question 5.  Scabs are uncommon or they are common sign of early HIV?  Her scabs are about 5mm in diameter and round.  They have been showing up one at a time.  Are you saying those are not indicative of HIV in your experience.

Can you clarify, what symptoms I mentioned dont match HIV.

My sexual experimental days are over.  This has scared me to death. According to the CDC report oral with an infected party is 1 in 10,000 chance to contracting and insertive is .5 in 10,000.  So my odds are 2.5 in 30,000 if all 3 were HIV+.  Although all 3 said they were clean but they could be lying.  Do you conquer with those odds?  I'm too terrified to take the test.

Thanks for your help.  This has helped me.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

No scabbed skin lesions of any kind suggest HIV or a complication of HIV.

You cannot reliably take general odds like you describe to calculate an individual person's risk; too much is unknown about whether your partners were infected or, if so, the stage of their infection, whether they were on antiviral therapy, etc.  But it is unlikely that all 3 of your partners were infected; the risk of transmission by oral sex is less than you cite; and your symptoms do not suggest HIV.  I suspect the chance you have HIV is much less than the chance you will die in the next week of some accident or non-HIV illness.

Refusal to be tested, terrified or not, is irrational and irresponsible.  I will answer no further questions from you until you indicate you have been tested.  Just do it.

HHH, MD

[unluckyoral]

You are right. Getting tested today.  Last question.

You mentioned my symptoms and my wifes did not seem like HIV.  Is the 8 week on again off again sore throat and dry cough not typical for HIV?  Thanks.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Those symptoms are not typical or even suggestive of early HIV infection.

HHH, MD

[unluckyoral]

Results back soon.  Health Dept. takes two weeks and its driving me crazy.  Would the odds you gave me of contracting HIV change in my case if indeed my armpits, groin and neck glands were indeed swollen?  Its been 3 month since my last oral exposure and 10 months since the first.  Thanks for the help Dr. H.

[ajgirl81]

A related discussion, i have been experiencing these signs for long was started.