Worried I have contracted a STD

Hi there I am a male and had unprotected sex with a girl I didnt know both penetration and simulatious oral I feel very ashamed of this as I have a wife and dont want to hurt her physically or emotionally, I have since had unprotected oral sex with my wife, The girl I had the mistake with told me that she was clean but I have no way to check this as it was a one night stand. This event took place 7 days ago and i am getting very paranoid as to if I have a STD as I am now getting flu like symtoms (symptoms), sore throat, slight burning whilst urinating and have lost my appatitie although not sure if this is related to the worry I am having regarding this, I work away from home on a ship and have mentioned this to the ship medical advisor and she has told me that there is no point getting tested till at least 10 - 14 days following the event??? also she thought that my syptoms (symptoms) may be being brought on by guilt is this possible??? I am also extreamly worried that i may have infected my wife and not sure if i should wait till I have been tested before telling her and causing heartache for her which would be unnessesary if I was in fact clean, please advise thanks

[mike808800]

Hey Scot...I am going through the same sitatuion as you are if you read my recent posting on my current situation. I too had an incident about a week ago and paranoid about it because I have a commited girlfriend who I had intercourse with since the incident and afraid of giving her STD's. The girl I had a one nightstand with had been tested recently and everything came back negative and thats the difference, but the girl told you, you have nothing to worry about. I decided not to tell my girlfriend and test myself to make sure that im ok. I dont want to cause stress for her and knowing that it will put a strain on our relationship when everything could be ok. All I can say is that you should get tested. It takes 48hrs to test for chlamydia and gonorrhea. 3-4 weeks for syphilis, and 6 wks for hiv to be reliable but 3 months to be certain. My opinion is to test 3-4 weeks after the incident to get a base, 2 months for a follow up and 3 months to be certain. I know I made a big mistake and dont want to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. But you need to make sure first that everything is ok and get tested to make sure you fine for you and your wife. And I too feel really guilty and thats a big factor thats playing tricks on my mind. I hope this helps. Goodluck!

[69scot69]

Mike

Thanks for getting back to me I feel really guity for what I have done and wasnt sure if I should tell my wife as I couldnt live with the fact that I have infected her, If you havent told your girl how are you managing not to have sexual contact with her during this period?? I get off the ship in 12 days time will I be leaving it too late to get tested for the best if any medical treatment can be administrated?? If I leave it 3 months to tell her am I not increasing the risk to her if anything is wrong??

Nice to talk to someone going through the same thing I feel so guilty and its tearing me apart, I havent eaten for 3 days now:-(

[69scot69]

Hi there i notice you have given alot of good advice on here to people would you be able to give me some please

thanks

Scot

[mike808800]

I know how you feel, as you know im going through the same thing. I wake up every morning feeling guilty and worried that I may have given an STD to my girlfriend. But knowing the fact that the girl I had been with was tested a week prior to the incident does put my mind at ease to a certain extent. I have been tested recently and telling my doctor bout the situation and getting comments and feedback from this forum from people is making me feel somewhat better about the situation. What it comes down to is that it really is up to you whether you want to tell your wife or not. I cant tell you what to do, its a personal decision. But it is very important to to get tested regardless you dedcide to tell your wife or not. I would get tested now just to get a baseline, a month or two after to follow up and three months from now to be sure. I am guilty for what I did, but it doesnt make me a bad person. But I made the personal decision to not say anything to my girlfriend because I dont want to put a strain on our relationship when everything could be fine. But I am taking the right measures to test myself when appropriate to make sure I am ok for me and my girlfriend. Im trying to not let it bother me because whats done it done and I cant take back what I did. Worrying bout it is just gonna eat me up and drive me crazy. You really cant do anything except wait and get tested when its the right time.  Goodluck! like you mentioned its nice to hear from someone going through the same situation.

[69scot69]

Mike

Thanks again, I will wait till i get off the ship and get tested initially how long will it take for the urine results to come back??

Scot

[mike808800]

Test usually takes about 3-7 working days to get results back...Like I said I only have some general knowledge about STD's and it takes 48hrs or more for gonorrhea and chlamydia (urine and swab test), 3-4wks for syphilis (blood test), 6wks for hiv to be reliable but 3 months to be certain (blood test). For herpes usually symptoms could appear 1 wk to 3 wks or longer and if symptoms do show up then they could culture "swab" it or you could take a blood test for herpes. These time frames are from my general knowledge that I know are reliable time frames as to when to get tested. I hope this helps and goodluck!

[Vance2335]

Here is my advice...test for gonorrhea and chlymida 1 week post exposure. syphilis is rare in developed countries. HIV is possible and would recommend testing at 8 weeks. herpes is low possibility but if you want to test then do so at 4 months.

most pople don't lie about there status, but possible she does not have symptoms of a STD. overall i would say the risk is low, but testing is probably best idea.

[69scot69]

Thanks for your comments and help much appreciated, I am paniking so much that I have something that I think I am thinking of every little thing being a symptom, I am off my food and feeling weak but hoping that this is the cause for that, I dont have any pain when going to the toilet or notice anything else I will be getting tested though as a precaution, I couldnt live with myself if I have passed anything onto my wife, But feel so so guilty do you think I should come clean and tell her???

[Vance2335]

That is a decision that only you can make. I can tell you that I was once told by someone that people often confess cheating because of guilt and not because they think it is the right thing to do. Confession to the spouce often helps the guilt go away. I have also been told that confession is often selfish to remove the guilt.

But that is what I have been told by someone and again it is you decision.