Recognition of the problem is always the first step. But you MUST discuss this with your doctor. This is not something you can "overcome" on your own. Good luck.
Thanks doctor , yes you are right I think I need to see a doctor I'm really depressed and Im loosing interest in everything . Thanks a lot Doctor I will do my best to overcome this issue . God bless
Welcome to the forum.
I would like to help, but the problem you describe is entirely emotional. You know some of the key facts about HPV -- it is sexually transmitted, but almost everyone gets it; it is impossible to know when and where a particular infection was acquired; abnormal pap smears often show up many years after the initial infection, so there is no implication your husband has been unfaithful. Anal cancer is rare, even in people with high risk HPV infection -- and in any case, careful examination by your doctor (when you have your routine pap smears) will discover any pre-cancerous lesions or early cancer before it becomes harmful. Anal pap smears are controversial -- perhaps useful in homosexual men, but definitely not recomended in situations like yours. You are wrong that "heterosexual women [are] more likely to have it": anal cancer is 10 times most common in gay men. It's only slightly more common in women than in straight men.
Most of your comment comments like "scared", "can't sleep nights", "emotional roller coaster", "I hate myself", "I feel dirty", "lost interest in everything", "I sit in my room the whole day" show you have a serious mental health problem. Of course I cannot make a diagnosis, but I believe you are seriously depressed. Having HPV or an abnormal pap, and possible anal cancer, are NOT the cause of your feelings. Your mind is focusing on these problems, but not rationally so. Please see your doctor and describe your feelings in detail. Psychiatric care probably will be recommended. I recommend it out of compassion, not criticsm.
There is no additional information about HPV that is going to make you feel better, so I'm not going to reinforce your fears by allowing this discussion to continue. Feel free to report back after you have spoken with your own doctor about it, or when you have started down a path toward proper psychological care.
Good luck-- HHH, MD