Aa
Yes, I Know What I Did Was Stupid.
You'll probably lump me under "HIV Anxiety" but I really would like your expert advice. The CDC Hotline was no help and you seem to be the smartest man concerning this issue who'll actually take questions on the internet.
In fall 2002, I had a stupid encounter with another man for the first time. I met him via the internet. He claimed that he was HIV negative, that my meeting with him was his first time with a guy (although he said he cheated on his wife with women a lot) and that as an EMS he would get tested every six months and was clean.
I performed unprotected oral on him for about three or four minutes including some deep throating. Then, he penetrated my anus twice before it hurt & I made him stop. That was our only contact. I saw him twice after that incident and both times he swears that not only was it his first time with a guy but after what happened he wasn't doing it again.
A few days after the incident, I started to get a cold. I came down with a severe sore throat. My doctor said it was a fungal infection, it was common and gave me some kind of anti-fungal. It went away after two weeks. It lasted after the cold (or flu?) ended.
I had two HIV tests done...one at 8 weeks (a saliva test done for an insurance company) and a 9 1/2 week ELISA test that was negative. The nurse at the clinic said my risk was low and that the 9 1/2 should be definitive but to come back at 6 months to be sure.
About three months after that last test, I had a week where I worked 18 hours a day including two days of non-stop work. That Friday night I almost fainted. Then I went home and had chills, fever and sweating. Could that have been delayed ARC?
Then the following summer I got swollen glands in my neck, the back of my head and one leg (I think.) I had a fever, I would have hot flashes and night sweats and felt tired. My doctor asked if I was bitten by a tick (and I was) and said it was a tick fever. He gave me medication, it went away in about two weeks. It was only one lymph node on the back of my head that inflamed badly. But ever since, I get a node behind my left ear that seems to flame up at random.
I had no sex from that 2002 incident until September of this year. I was living my life long dream of being a woman. I was a straight bar and met a guy. We went back to his place and I started to give unprotected oral like a girl does. After about 30 seconds, it didn't feel right to me so I stopped.
Then two weeks later I was out again and I went to an adult bookstore. I was in a booth when a man came in and tried to force me. I was able to talk him into a handjob. He came all over my hand. I had a cut on my knuckle..a scrape from the night before...and I don't know if semen made contact. I washed my hands right after and then saw the cut on my hand seemed inflamed.
What is my risk? I'm so worried I can't sleep well. I met a great girl and we're talking marriage but I'm scared. Should I run out for a test now?
In fall 2002, I had a stupid encounter with another man for the first time. I met him via the internet. He claimed that he was HIV negative, that my meeting with him was his first time with a guy (although he said he cheated on his wife with women a lot) and that as an EMS he would get tested every six months and was clean.
I performed unprotected oral on him for about three or four minutes including some deep throating. Then, he penetrated my anus twice before it hurt & I made him stop. That was our only contact. I saw him twice after that incident and both times he swears that not only was it his first time with a guy but after what happened he wasn't doing it again.
A few days after the incident, I started to get a cold. I came down with a severe sore throat. My doctor said it was a fungal infection, it was common and gave me some kind of anti-fungal. It went away after two weeks. It lasted after the cold (or flu?) ended.
I had two HIV tests done...one at 8 weeks (a saliva test done for an insurance company) and a 9 1/2 week ELISA test that was negative. The nurse at the clinic said my risk was low and that the 9 1/2 should be definitive but to come back at 6 months to be sure.
About three months after that last test, I had a week where I worked 18 hours a day including two days of non-stop work. That Friday night I almost fainted. Then I went home and had chills, fever and sweating. Could that have been delayed ARC?
Then the following summer I got swollen glands in my neck, the back of my head and one leg (I think.) I had a fever, I would have hot flashes and night sweats and felt tired. My doctor asked if I was bitten by a tick (and I was) and said it was a tick fever. He gave me medication, it went away in about two weeks. It was only one lymph node on the back of my head that inflamed badly. But ever since, I get a node behind my left ear that seems to flame up at random.
I had no sex from that 2002 incident until September of this year. I was living my life long dream of being a woman. I was a straight bar and met a guy. We went back to his place and I started to give unprotected oral like a girl does. After about 30 seconds, it didn't feel right to me so I stopped.
Then two weeks later I was out again and I went to an adult bookstore. I was in a booth when a man came in and tried to force me. I was able to talk him into a handjob. He came all over my hand. I had a cut on my knuckle..a scrape from the night before...and I don't know if semen made contact. I washed my hands right after and then saw the cut on my hand seemed inflamed.
What is my risk? I'm so worried I can't sleep well. I met a great girl and we're talking marriage but I'm scared. Should I run out for a test now?
I actually don't think it's a good idea to sacrifice yourself for your kids. You deserve a fulfilling and happy life - both for your own good, and for theirs. Kids are adaptable - far more than you probably think. So what about the situation is preventing you from being who you are? Is it a custody issue, your community, or just thinking that they won't understand? Does your gf know how you feel?
In any case, I do agree that counseling is an excellent idea. Make sure you see someone who is well versed in gender identity issues, who can help you come to some level of self acceptance and happiness in life. There are also lots and lots of support groups out there, both in person and online. I wish you all the best.
In any case, I do agree that counseling is an excellent idea. Make sure you see someone who is well versed in gender identity issues, who can help you come to some level of self acceptance and happiness in life. There are also lots and lots of support groups out there, both in person and online. I wish you all the best.
Bravo! You are right to focus on your children, and put their needs ahead of your need for self-exploration and expression. In the meantime, please, please, get help from a counselor who is willing to help you stay in your marriage, help you maintain you on the road to self and situation acceptance, and help you to keep your family together. I wish you well.
Stupid Worried Guy,
Let me express my sympathy and support to your situation. I'm a bi guy who went through a lot of male-male experiences, many of which sent me into the panic you seem to feel. If it makes you feel better, I did manage to overcome my fears and am in a stable relationship with a woman. I have not had sex outside our relationship since May, which makes it close to 9 months and counting.
Now, about your risk:
--Four years have passed, so get one more test to put the whole issue to rest. The chances are slim, and once you get that negative test you'll be fine.
--Semen on your hand is a non-issue. You're stressing out because you feel guilty that you lapsed into an old behavior. Your concern with that is all mental.
--What was your dream of being a woman?
--Men in your (our) situation need to avoid being online too much. This website can give you great information and the doctor is very smart, but your particular sexual situation is difficult for most HIV experts to understand. Little valid research has been published on bisexuals, and you're likely to get advice geared toward gay men whose situation is extremely different from yours.
--Be realistic with yourself about whether you can stop doing this male-male behavior. I would suggest talking to your female partner and getting her permission for phone sex, porno on the side, or other forms of release that don't bring health issues into the equation. If you don't have options like that, carry condoms with you all the time just in case you get propositioned in a moment of weakness.
--AVOID ADULT BOOKSTORES! That was where I got into trouble, because it's so easy to go in there thinking "I won't do anything risky" and then suddenly you're on your knees having a good time and HIV looms over you!!
--If you ever have any other questions and want to talk to someone in a similar situation, feel free to email me: ***@**** .
Ciao,
J
Let me express my sympathy and support to your situation. I'm a bi guy who went through a lot of male-male experiences, many of which sent me into the panic you seem to feel. If it makes you feel better, I did manage to overcome my fears and am in a stable relationship with a woman. I have not had sex outside our relationship since May, which makes it close to 9 months and counting.
Now, about your risk:
--Four years have passed, so get one more test to put the whole issue to rest. The chances are slim, and once you get that negative test you'll be fine.
--Semen on your hand is a non-issue. You're stressing out because you feel guilty that you lapsed into an old behavior. Your concern with that is all mental.
--What was your dream of being a woman?
--Men in your (our) situation need to avoid being online too much. This website can give you great information and the doctor is very smart, but your particular sexual situation is difficult for most HIV experts to understand. Little valid research has been published on bisexuals, and you're likely to get advice geared toward gay men whose situation is extremely different from yours.
--Be realistic with yourself about whether you can stop doing this male-male behavior. I would suggest talking to your female partner and getting her permission for phone sex, porno on the side, or other forms of release that don't bring health issues into the equation. If you don't have options like that, carry condoms with you all the time just in case you get propositioned in a moment of weakness.
--AVOID ADULT BOOKSTORES! That was where I got into trouble, because it's so easy to go in there thinking "I won't do anything risky" and then suddenly you're on your knees having a good time and HIV looms over you!!
--If you ever have any other questions and want to talk to someone in a similar situation, feel free to email me: ***@**** .
Ciao,
J
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
As others already responded (below), assuming you have no other risks for HIV, there is no realistic chance you have HIV that was missed by the tests you describe. Symptoms never are a reliable indicator of HIV compard with lab tests. And nobody ever caught HIV by hand to genital contact, with or without cuts on their hands. But because of your anxiety, I agree with one of the respondents below: have another test now, then there will be no doubt in your mind. In the meantime, relax; the result will be negative.
This is an STD information site and I don't generally get involved in broader areas of sexual behavior and sexual psychology. But I simply do not believe you were somehow incapable of fending off your bookstore contact's advances and had to "settle" on a hand job. Clearly are sexually attracted to men. Presumably you have considered this in your decision to marry. But if you are as conflicted about your sexuality as I suspect, and have not had counseling about it, you should consider doing so.
Good luck--- HHH, MD
This is an STD information site and I don't generally get involved in broader areas of sexual behavior and sexual psychology. But I simply do not believe you were somehow incapable of fending off your bookstore contact's advances and had to "settle" on a hand job. Clearly are sexually attracted to men. Presumably you have considered this in your decision to marry. But if you are as conflicted about your sexuality as I suspect, and have not had counseling about it, you should consider doing so.
Good luck--- HHH, MD
I agree. For the first case, the anal part is a little concerning but you said it was very brief so I am sure there was no semen (you did not mention a condom so I assume there wasn't one). Receptive oral is very low risk. The chance you got HIV from this complete first encounter years ago should be basically zero anyway since you tested neg. at 9.5 weeks.
For the last 2 situations: No pre-semen/semen in the mouth=no risk, and very low risk even if there was. And the cut on hand with semen has never to my knowledge been proven to have transmitted the virus, and should be a very low risk even if it could happen. I have researched this kind of transmission a good bit.
It has been long enough since the last encounter you could get a test done and be completely sure you don't have anything if it is negative. But I really doubt you have anything anyway, and the Dr. may even say testing is not warranted if these really are your only encounters. He will tell you those symptoms don't mean anything.
For the last 2 situations: No pre-semen/semen in the mouth=no risk, and very low risk even if there was. And the cut on hand with semen has never to my knowledge been proven to have transmitted the virus, and should be a very low risk even if it could happen. I have researched this kind of transmission a good bit.
It has been long enough since the last encounter you could get a test done and be completely sure you don't have anything if it is negative. But I really doubt you have anything anyway, and the Dr. may even say testing is not warranted if these really are your only encounters. He will tell you those symptoms don't mean anything.
Thank you doctor. I feel a complete sense of relief now.
You are also very right although I'm not conflicted...I just know I can't live as who I am. I want to be a woman. I have no doubts about it. However, I have two children and I just cannot put them through the pain that will happen if dad suddenly isn't a man anymore. It's not fair to them and I won't put them in that situation.
My experiences going out as a woman were the high points of my life but I realized that I can't do that and still be there for my children. Maybe when they're much older I can go down this path but right now I can't do both without risking harm to them (socially or mentally.)
I have to put the kids first right now. Sometimes in life you just can't have what you want because of the needs of others.
You are also very right although I'm not conflicted...I just know I can't live as who I am. I want to be a woman. I have no doubts about it. However, I have two children and I just cannot put them through the pain that will happen if dad suddenly isn't a man anymore. It's not fair to them and I won't put them in that situation.
My experiences going out as a woman were the high points of my life but I realized that I can't do that and still be there for my children. Maybe when they're much older I can go down this path but right now I can't do both without risking harm to them (socially or mentally.)
I have to put the kids first right now. Sometimes in life you just can't have what you want because of the needs of others.
You fellas should be practicing safe sex, seeing you are conducting homosexual activites behind your female partner's backs.
I read your post and wanted to comment that I did the same thing with male/male oral sex last april (05) and experienced similiar problems (sore throat afterward, swollen glands, fever)and now have a persistent glob of white/yellow mucous daily. Went to the doctor and have recieved several antibiotics that havent seemed to work....have you recieved any further treatment and what did you learn about your initial infection??
Thanks
Thanks
Sorry...I forgot to mention when I had the throat infection I had been on the Atkins diet for about six months (and had lost about 50 lbs.) I don't know if that's a factor.
Your negative tests prove you don't get HIV from the breif anal sex 4 years ago. It would be extremely unlikely to get HIV from the semen on you hand, if not impossible. I guess in theory it COULD happen if the cut were very fresh and the the semen had a HUGE amount of virus, but I doubt that it has ever been transimtted that way in the history or the virus.
The Doc will answer, but I think he will tell you you have nothing to worry about in terms of HIV or any STDs.
The Doc will answer, but I think he will tell you you have nothing to worry about in terms of HIV or any STDs.
You are reading content posted in the STDs Forum
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
