ashamed and obsessed

In the last three months I lost my mind and visited a massage parlor on two separate occasions.  The first encounter occurred @ three months ago and involved unprotected oral sex with ejaculation in mouth.  The secound encounter occurred on April 10 and involved vaginal sex with condom (no break).  Neither encounter lasted more than 3 minutes.  After the second encounter I became very worried about possible std's and the possibility of transmitting an std to my wife and/or toddler.  I became incredibly ashamed and depressed.  This condition was exacerbated when 3 days after my second encounter I began having an itching sensation in my anus, perianal, and scrotum. Also, entire scrotum red. I began looking things up on the internet which made matters worse because I started to believe I possibly was having prodromal herpetic symptoms.  I was fatigued had one episode of diarhhea and one night of night sweats.  Thank goodness for your website!  I was (and in some ways still am) paralyzed with guilt when I found it.  By reading entries and responses, I realized that these symptoms could be caused by my anxiety and guilt or were possibly just unrelated.  I am an active guy and often get jock itch.  After two weeks pretty constant itching I purchased Lamisil and 4-5 days later no more itching.  Unfortunately, a day after the itching subsided I began noticing bilateral testicular pain and problems with urination (frequency no pain).  No discharge of any kind, however testicles at times really hurt and I have had some back/kidney pain.  I immediatley thought I must have contracted chlamydia and/or gonerrhea.  I went to a walk in clinic today and was swabbed for these two std's and treated for both in case of infection.  It is important to note that I have been palpating my testicles/scrotum 3-4 times a day for @ four weeks looking for anything that might resemble a herpes blister and have found none.  
I have had sex with my wife twice since this all began but not in two and a half weeks. I would probably think this was all in my head but after the second time (rough sex) she said she felt itching and burning of genitals the next day.  She purchased some vaginal anti-itch cream and never said another thing about it.  I saw a couple of days ago though that she had "spotted" (don't worry I wasn't looking through dirty clothes hamper).  She just recently got off of birth control.  
I am incredibly concerned and have the following questions:
1.  Based on this history, what is your opinion on possible herpes infection?
2.  Can zithromax cure both chlamydia and gonerrhea?
3.  Can herpes be transmitted to toddler while changing diapers?
4.  Can you have symptoms of epididimitus from constant palpating of testicles and scrotum?
5.  Can getting off birth control cause a woman to "spot" and/or have some form of discharge?
Thank you so much for this website it is a wonderful service.  Sorry about the lengthy inquiry.  I guess it is obvious I am obsessing

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

1) There is nothing in your story--either the sexual exposures themselves (which were very low risk) or your symptoms--that suggests herpes or any other STD.

2) The chance you had gonorrhea or chlamydia is about zero. But if you did, azithromycin (Zithromax) would have cured or prevented them.

3) No, not genital herpes.  In theory, maybe oral herpes, but even that would be very rare.

4) Your symptoms don't suggest epididymitis.  It cannot be caused by constant palpation, but palpation certainly could cause testicular pain.

5) Yes.

I strongly suggest you see a health care provider to discuss your fears, anxiety, and compulsive behaviors and search for symptoms you don't have; almost certainly you would benefit from professional mental health care.  I suggest it out of compassion, not criticism.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

[t1234]

I wouldn't get "too crazy" about this encounter.  We've all
been there at one time or another.

If it's been two weeks since the massage parlor visit why
don't you just go to a doc and get tested for chlamydia,
gonorrhea, and syphilis.  If you're negative, for practical
purposes you're home free.

If it's been 30 days, you could get a PCR test for HIV, but the
changes of getting it are very remote.

If you've not had any outbreaks (ulcerated sores) I wouldn't worry about herpes. Even if you got a Herpes Select Test
and even if it did come out positive; it would just raise more issues than it resolved.  It won't tell you when you got it, or if your wife already had it.

At any rate that's my opinion. I'm not recommending going to message parlors, and I wouldn't do it again, but we're all human.

[obsessed]

One other thing.  My wife has had a daily discharge for the past week and she complained today of experiencing "ovary pain".  Does this make it more likely that she could have an std, namely chlamydia/gonorrhea?  Or is it more likely again, that she just is experiencing this due to getting off of birth control?  By the way, she believes the ovary pain is due to her stopping birth control.

[matthew78]

I would encourage your wife to go to a gynecologist just to check that everything is allright. You don't have to mention your cheating. This way you can get her treated if she has something.

I have recently been in your situation. I was told by doctors that I was fine, but my girlfriend has had symptoms of an infection, and possibly PID. I relied on the experts and decided not to tell my girlfriend about my one-time slip, and now I am afraid I have made her infertile. But now it is too late.

I think that on this site the risks of contracting non-gonoccocal infections from oral sex are underestimated. Especially with professionals like you and I visited, I believe the risks are moderate, and not minimal.

The good news is that if it's not chlamydia or gonohrrea, most clinics cannot find out exactly which bacteria is causing the infection, which means you may not have to confess the cheating.

Good luck, I wish you the best!

[Cheryl23]

I have been a member of MedHelp.org for some time now, and I must say that some of these posts really annoy me. I think that ANYTIME you have a sexual encounter that holds some risk, no matter how small, you need to get it checked out. Why would you put an innocent person (your wife) at risk rather than be absolutely certain you are free and clear of any and all disease??

I am a bit put off by the comments made about not telling your wife that you cheated, we've all been there, etc. etc. Honesty is the foundation of your marriage and she deserves to know. I have been in relationships where I've been cheated on and it's my RIGHT to know of my partners infidelity. Your wife's health is at risk and she has every right in the world to know.

The doctor is also very nonchalant in his answers and tells practically everyone that they have no need for concern. This is an internet posting site, not a medical office. The only true way to know is to GET CHECKED!! And you shouldn't touch your wife until you know for sure everything is okay.

[jezzie]

I am female also and I really don't think it is the place of the doctor or anyone else to give moral advice.  This site is "medhelp.org".  It is designed to give guidance to individuals that have been exposted to or have put themselves at risk for STI's or just want to educate themselves.  I was diagnosted with an STI several years ago and my doctor told me nothing about it, how to prevent it or how I got it.  Without this site, I would have no idea how to protect myself or others.  Yes, my STI was a result of being cheated on but that is life.  Don't fool yourself into thinking that infidelity doesn't exist.  It does and will continue to.  I think that it is absolutely necessary to have sites like this forum to provide accurate information to educate and help people make safe decisions.  It is not our place to pass judgment.  I wonder how many STI's have been prevented as a result of education/information from this site..something to think about. I compliment the doctor for this valuable service!!!