If you have developed no symptoms of herpes since the sexual exposure, and if none show up in the next couple of weeks, you can be confident you weren't infected. The odds of catching HSV from a single exposure of the sort you describe is zero, for practical purposes. You are immune to HSV-1, so the oral sex wasn't a concern at all; and the brief genital contact you describe carried no measurable risk. You could add to the confidence of no risk if you talk to your partner: if she says she doesn't have herpes, I sgugest you just drop this whole business. It isn't worth the time, energy, and money for testing.
1) Do not request an IgM test. IgM testing is always unreliable (read other threads by using the search link to look for 'IgM' and 'herpes diagnosis'. We have never once ordered an IgM HSV test on a patient in my STD clinic and never will; but we deal every day with people who have false IgM results from other providers.
2) People with HSV are immune, or at least highly resistant, to new infection with the same HSV type, anywhere on the body.
3) HSV-2 isn't a risk based on the exposure you describe. HSV-1 might reduce the risk of HSV-2 if exposed (research has given conflicting results); but if so, it is only a slight reduction in risk.
4) Yes, see above. 5) See above. 6) Yes, asymptomatic herpes is possible. But it's probably uncomm in people as hyper-concerned as you clearly are. Most 'asymptomatic' cases probably have typical herpes lesions, i.e. blister-like lesions that turn to sores, but the symptoms are mild. Believe it or not, most people at risk don't worry about it much, so they aren't paying attention and don't notice the lesions. A hyper-alert person is unlikely to miss the symptoms, however.
You are seriously overreacting. Do you think everybody with a single exposure to new sexual partner needs to automatically go out and get tested for herpes or other STDs? The health care system couldn't handle the load. I say mellow out and drop the whole thing. But if your anxieties prevent that, wait 3 months and have a blood test for HSV-2.
Good luck-- HHH, MD