new gf has hpv - oral sex, etc?

[Bryan92122]

I know this subject has been covered ad nauseum, but I hope you understand that sometimes you just need to hear the facts about your specific situation.

I am divorced and recently I started dating a younger girl in her 20's  and she has notified me that she has HPV, but she has been regularly seeing her gyno for the past 18 months and getting regular pap smears. Her last few have been "beautiful" whatever that means. She says she has been told it is "dormant" but that the DNA remains still.

Everything I read on the internet (and there is a lot to seemingly freak out about) seems to deal with women contracting it from men.  

I mention my marital status because I was in a monagomous relationship for almost 15 years so I know my possibility of having it is low....but not out of the question.

Regardless.....I like this girl but I want to know what sexual activity keeps me from becoming a "loaded gun" for any other females I may have sexual contact with in the future after her.

There has been some kissing......some digital stimulation by me on her......she has performed unprotected oral on me twice.

I understand that a condom will be absolutely necessary for any vaginal, etc. intercourse........but that even that is not 100% effective.

I want to perform unprotected oral on her.

Is it ok for me to perform unprotected oral sex on her? her on me?

I just want to know what the rules are here for sex with her.   Given my past relationship history....I don't believe I will ever be in a long term monogamous relationship again, but I only plan to have one regular partner at a time, "socially monogamous" if you will.

I just don't want to get myself in a situation where I have to worry about future females I may have sex with after my current gf and I part ways.

Thanks.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your question.  I'll try to help.  However, questions about risk of exposure, or of infection if exposed, and about the potential future health problems of a particular STD -- which is the case here -- are always more or less identical.  If you have reviewed other HPV related questions on this forum, most likely you can predict my response.

Believe it or not, your new partnership, and your partner's current or past HPV infection, make little or no difference in your risk of catching HPV, either genitally or orally, or in the chance you'll ever have an HPV-related health problem.

Your comments don't make it clear whether or not your partner still has a positive test for HPV, or of cellular changes caused by HPV (detected by pap smear), or neither of these.  Since HPV DNA may persist forever in all infected patients, that may be all her doctor means by telling her that "DNA remains".  Anyway, persistent DNA does not in itself mean HPV can still be transmitted.  Usually it cannot, once the cellular changes (the abnormal pap smear) have cleared up -- which is probably what your partner and her doctor means by "beautiful" results.  So I am inclined to doubt your partner's (past?) HPV can still be transmitted to you.

And even if it were, what would it mean?  Probably nothing.  The vast majority of HPV infections, especially in men, never cause symptoms, do not lead to cancer or anything else, and clear up entirely within months or a couple of years.  In other words, even if your partner were known to have an active, transmissible HPV infection at this time, I would advise that there is no need to take any precautions agasint it.

So all things considered, I would not advise you to limit your sexual expression with your partner.  All practices should be fair game, including vaginal or anal sex, oral sex (in both directions), or anything else as long as you mutually enjoy it.  (Of course this assumes neither of you has any other STDs aside from HPV.)  This doesn't guarantee you won't get HPV, because I have no way of knowing for sure about the status of your partner's past infection.  And of course she could have other HPV infections in addition to the one detected by pap smear.  Most sexually active people have multiple HPV infections over time.

Having said all that, I understand your desire not to acquire HPV if it can be avoided by reasonable precautions; it's just that I don't think avoiding intercourse or oral sex are "reasonable" in this situation.  You could use condoms consistently for vaginal or anal sex, which would reduce but not eliminate the risk of transmission.  And you could consider HPV vaccination.  Although officially approved only for people under 26 years old, it sounds like you have been at lower risk than many men, and might still be susceptible to one or more of the HPV types covered by the vaccine.

The bottom line is that nobody should HPV stand in the way of romance, commitment, and rewarding sex.  The risks simply aren't high enough to let an impersonal bit of DNA -- which happened to evolve to exploit human intimacy for its own propagation -- have an important impact on life.

For further reading, here are some past threads that deal further with some of these issues.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1522088
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1711835
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/1222683

I hope this has been helpful.  Good luck--  HHH, MD

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

1) Read the other threads whose links I provided!  And my reply above; I already told you there is no reason not to perform oral on your partner.

2) Age reduces risk because a) with rising age, there usually is less exposure than in younger men -- i.e. fewer partners, and older partners who are themselves less likely to have HPV, and b) the older someone is, the more likely he has already been infected with the HPV common types and therefore immune to new infections with them.  However, neither of these applies to you, because you have apparently had only a few partners in your life, and you're dating a younger woman.

Thanks for the thanks.  But that should wind up this thread.  Take care, and try not to worry about HPV so much.  It really isn't as big a deal as you are making it.

[Bryan92122]

and (sorry) two other  final, final question.........

1, there is no definitive (other than you i hope) word on performing oral sex on a woman and the chances of contracting HPV.  The web is all over the place.  I get that I should not hold back........but what is the skinny?

2. Does my age help me (I'm 36)?  I read on the other post that after 26 your chances of contracting drop.

Thanks again!

Wonderful non-judgmental service that you provide!

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

I suppose this means her doctor is still testing her for HPV DNA and the results have remained positive despite improvement of the pap smear abnormalities themselves.  That would suggest there may still be some potential for transmission.  (Most doctors stop testing for HPV once the abnormal cells have cleared -- so even knowing this is atypical.)  But as I said -- and as discussed in the other threads (which you may not yet have read) -- even that shouldn't dissuade you from pusuing a fully satisfying sexual relationship.  If I were in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate!

[Bryan92122]

thank you.  I asked her straight up what the status of the infection was - this is how it was characterized to me:

that by a "beautiful pap" it meant the virus was not manipulating her squamous cells to become cancerous. The virus lives on her cerivix. She was told she would definitely clear the virus and most people do.

As for the status: HPV. Clean for all other STD. Normal Pap. She will return in June for another.

Does this provide claritiy??

I will then move on with my life.

Thanks again.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

HPV and oral cancer are covered in one or more of the links I provided above.  As you will learn, it's a rare problem and nobody should avoid oral sex for fear of throeat cancer.

[Bryan92122]

one other comment - she told me that when she spoke to her physician about these same questions.....she was told very little. The doctor could not say no chance of throat cancer because the strain is in her cervix which 1 out of 2 people have..........so I'm taking that info with a huge grain of salt and wonder what effect it might have on the response.

Thank you.