Your risk of acquiring HIV by oral exposure to guys' penises is low, with or without ejaculation. But it isn't zero, and you are right that exposure when you have an oral ulcer probably raises the risk. But if you double a teensy risk, the actual chance of infection remains teensy. And presumably you don't have any particular suspicion that your partners are HIV positive; obviously the risk is higher if the guy is bisexual, an injection drug user, etc. Presumably the risk of disease is slightly (but only slightly) higher if there is overt exposure to semen.
Most ulcers inside the mouth are canker sores which, as far as we know, aren't due to an infection and can't be transmitted. Still, you should avoid oral sex when you have such lesions. My concern is less for your health than your partner's: if your oral lesion actually were herpes or syphilis, you put him at risk.
So yes, you're probably over-reacting a little bit. On balance, remember that oral sex indeed is safer than genital intercourse, both respect to STD/HIV risk and, of course, pregnancy.