It seems you are overreacting. However, I don't know what you mean by "have struggled with an HPV diagnosis" for 10 years. But your closing comment suggests that you're actually talking about a "prior" diagnosis (warts?). If you haven't had visible evidence of warts or a professional HPV diagnosis for 10 years, it is long past time to forget it.
Although definitive data are not available on the frequency of oral HPV infection from performing oral sex, the available information suggests low risk. Among young women followed to determine the frequency of new HPV infection, only about 5% of those who acquired genital HPV also had positive oral tests for the virus, even though most performed oral sex on the partners from whom they acquired their genital infections. Second, almost all oral HPV infections are asymptomatic and undoubtedly the large majority clear up spontaneously -- that is, they aren't an important health issue. Although the frequency of oral cancer is rising, not all cases (around 60-70%) are associated with HPV -- and even for those, it isn't clear that HPV is the main cause. Smoking and heavy drinking may remain more important triggers. In any case, if you compare the overall frequency of oral cancers (I have heard figures ranging from only 15,000 to 30,000 per year in the entire US) with the overall frequency of genital HPV and of oral sex, obviously the risk is trivial.
With that as background, my replies to your specific questions are:
1) People with known (i.e., currently active) genital HPV infection, such as warts or abnormal pap smear, should inform their partners, either for genital or oral sex. But once the infection has cleared up -- and especially once a 3-6 months have passed without recurrence of warts or pap smear abnormalities -- in my opinion nobody has an ethical obligation to inform their partners, regardless of what sexual practices are likely. Some disagree with this and would suggest that all people have an indefinite obligation to inform partners. But most STD experts don't feel that way and I certainly do not.
2) As I said above, if your prior HPV infection was more than a few months ago and you have no visible evidence of continuing warts or other problem, you can consider yourself cured. There is no reason to mention it, regardless of condom use or whether the contact is vaginal, anal, or oral.
Thanks for the thanks about the forum. Best wishes-- HHH, MD