worried for nothing, maybe?

4 nights ago I met a woman on the internet and then at a bar for the purpose of having sex.  She was not a prostitute, but indicated she had been with many men.  After drinking too much, she came back to my place.  She performed oral sex on me briefly, without a condom.  I performed oral sex on her, also briefly.  We had very brief intercourse, maybe only a minute or two, with a latex condom. The condom never came off during sex. It covered the shaft of my penis completely. We stopped because I could not maintain an erection due to the alcohol and condom. She left.  

For some reason, I am always paranoid about contracting herpes, I think because I know people who have it.  Every time I have sex with someone I don't know, no matter what precautions I take, with even the slightest itch, tenderness or discomfort, I convince myself I've contracted herpes.  (Prior tests  were negative for genital herpes antibodies.) I have done so again after this recent encounter.  Although there are no lesions on my genitals, no sores on or around my mouth, I feel tired and sluggish and have heard flu-like symptoms precede an outbreak.  I also think the area around the base of my penis feels tender, which of course it would be after sex.  Yet,  I cannot stop worrying, and have confined myself to my couch out of fear.  How unfounded are my concerns?  When can I stop worrying? What should I look for in the meantime?

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome to the Forum.  The risk of the exposure you describe is low.  Here are the facts, no matter how many prior sex partners your partner had, the likelihood that she had HSV is less than 50% ( only about 46% of persons with more than 50 sex partners have HSV-2).  Furthermore, most exposures to sex partners with HSV do not result in transmission of infection and the risk is even lower if she did not have lesions and you do not mention that she did so it is unlikely that there were lesions on either her mouth or genitals which were not noticed.  Finally, your vaginal exposure was condom protected and condoms reduce risk of getting HSV, independent of all of the other factors just mentioned, by about 30-50%.  Putting all of this together your risk from this exposure is low.

As for your symptoms and concern about symptoms, the symptoms of newly acuired HSV typically appear between 4 and 10 days following exposure so your earlier symptoms are more likely an indicator of your increased vigilance than anything else.  Sometimes after an exposure that, in retrospect, one wishes they had not had, persons tend to examine themselves and be far more attuned to genital sensations than in periods when they are not concerned.  This in turns leads to noticing what turn out to be normal sensations that might have been not noticed or ignored at other times.  I suspect this was a contributor to your situation. ,

Finally, a question. On one hand you indicate that you are concerned about getting STDs and particularly HSV.  On the other hand, you use the internet to arrange for casual sex with an unknown partner.  I don’t mean to be intrusive but seems to me that there is a serious disconnect here.  I would suggest you reflect on this.

Hope these comments are helpful.  EWH

[mark29401]

Thanks.  The question is fair and the disconnect very real.  I know I need to be either more careful or less paranoid, or both, probably mostly the former.  Thanks

[happyguy12]

hahahahaha OMG I HAVE TO LAUGH MARK Ive had the same problem u have had for a year now. matter of fact i can only perform mutual masterbation (masturbation) now.  Thats how bad my fear is even with a condom. people think im gay because they throw themselves at me and im to scared to have intercourse. i feel what your going threw bro.