How do I get peace in my own home?

I am trying desperately to cope with my husband's paranoid behavior. I have been married to him for nearly 22 years and have tried to be supportive and understanding through his bouts of mental illness that include schizoid, antisocial, obsessive/compulsive and narcissistic behaviors -even when he focuses it on me. He has tried multiple medications, counseling, therapies -and nothing seems to work very well for very long. I am tired of being constantly verbally attacked and on-guard, and having no peace in my own home. I keep asking myself if I can endure this the rest of my life and I find myself secretly wishing he'd just die so I and my teenage daughter can have peace in our lives. I do not think that just leaving him would work as he can be very volatile and vindictive when he feels he is "wronged". He has never physically hurt me, but he has purposely broken things of mine in fits of rage. He thinks I am the source of all his issues yet he freaked out when I considered leaving him and threatened to throw my possessions in the yard and burn them if I did. Why do I stay? Marriage vows -"In sickness and in health", guilt because he depends on me financially, and fear of what he might do...Anyone else in this boat? If so, how do you recapture peace in your home?

[drifter0213]

set up boundaries for him and take your stand against him i have schizophrenia and i never act like that

[medicmommy]

Thank you. I know others that also have schizophrenia and they do not behave this way either. I believe he has more than one personality disorder but, depending on who he is evaluated by, the diagnosis varies. I really appreciate your input.

[drifter0213]

i have a cousin with BPD she goes through phases too

[UnrealOne]

Maybe get Him to do more activities during the day, like a computer assignment. He gets to do something and you get some well needed time alone.

[drifter0213]

that's a good suggestion unrealone like recieving simple tasks to perform

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Sounds like you aren't in love with him anymore with a couple of things you wrote, but I could be wrong.  I've been told before it's better to have no relationship than to have a bad one.

[medicmommy]

That's just it. It would be easier if I didn't love him and care about him -I wouldn't have stayed with him for the last 25 years if this was not the case. There are definitely times that I do not LIKE him very much and I feel the need to escape his frequent barrages of verbal abuse and anger. The thought of dealing with this the rest of my life is exhausting and it makes me wonder if it would be worth leaving despite the heartache it would cause.  There is a part of me that knows he can't help all of his behavior, but there is another part that argues my sanity and happiness is important too.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Yes, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else, after all.

[drifter0213]

that's true paranoid i wish i could take care of someone

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Same here, I have a lot of trouble doing as much even for myself.