Dead to the world
A poor excuse for a gf/daughter/sister etc
Everything is my fault
I should kill myself
I don't deserve happiness, or I'll get it if I do...so and so
I should hurt myself
I should punish myself
Nobody likes me
Everyone thinks bad of me
Everyone is judging me
If I don't do things it says then the big black cloud will get me, kill me, swallow me up and take over my body and ruin my life
I should do bad things
I should hide myself in case I am recognised as then no-one will find me
I shouldn't go outside
People are following me
I shouldn't talk, people will take me away or think bad of me or conspire against me
Nobody loves me, people pretend to get things from me or they're under cover trying to get me 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'
Everyone will leave me
I can't trust people, everyone is out to get me
There is always someone trying to get into the house and attack me
Someone I love is possessed by the black cloud and so I can't trust them...it's not really them they are possessed
Threatens me with bees which it will release into my head if I don't do a certain thing and they will sting my brain and kill me slowly
Tells me that if I don't do what it wants bad things will happen to my friends and family
It's always watching me and checking on me
It leads a team of evil things that could come and get me as they are all possessed i.e. policemen, teachers, strangers in the street. I'm always jumpy or think anyone behind me is following me and so walk really fast. I can't walk on the same side of the road as someone who looks scary/dodgy and avoid walking near anyone else at all.
The voice in my head shows me flashes of what it wants...tries to manipulate and control me 247 e.g. shows me a lot of blood, if I look anywhere it changes the image to something horrible, e.g. a tree = being raped on it or someone watching me behind it about to jump out and get me, a lake = a dead body...and example of what I could be if I don't do what it asks or... An image of me dead in the lake and flashes of me walking into it and letting myself die as I'll look beautiful and that's what I should do. a nail clipper = cutting up my flesh with it and blood everywhere.
This is controlling my life and I keep seeing things everywhere no-one else sees and then they disappear and I am SO paranoid someone is trying to get me.I am always running and being distracted in public talks or just even when I am with my friends and I go against people I love thinking they are possessed a lot...ARRGH what is this? Please Help!!
Well look at the bright side, you have a good memory to be able to recall all of that. I have trouble even remembering three or four things like that, gosh. Voices can be a part of Schizophrenia but they can also be a part of Bipolar Disorder with psychotic features but usually the voices in Bipolar Disorder are only present during the psychotic parts of the illness such as during extreme moods from if I understand correctly. I had something similar happen when I got depressed and suicidal where my voices kept telling me the radio's battery was almost dead like I should be every time the radio at work let out a warning beep that the battery was almost dead. I have Schizophrenia at any rate just so you know for relevance purposes. While I wasn't suicidal however the voices were always trying to steal my soul. I also saw things that just disappeared such as people or shadowy/blurred figured who would walk up and just stand there staring at me, it was so creepy. I've seen plenty of other things too like this. You really should go see a psychiatrist because none of us can diagnose you.
see the good thing is your on medhelp i didnt have a computer in the past i didnt know about schizophrenia .........my vioces turned from good to evil the vioces are bull dont listen to them... my head was the same way......but im on medicine it really helps..........i dont have many voices now ........i tryed to kill myself because the voices told me to.......it said i would go to hell if i didnt.....the voices said they was jesus.....so i did what it told me all the time .just dont hurt your self its really a dumb thing to do go to a doctor..........
To post here was a big step - whether it's a cliche or not.
In Merseyside there are many wonderful psychiatric nurses who will be happy to listen and advise you on where to go from here :)
Look-up in the Phone Book 'Community Mental Health Units', PCTs or Healthcare Trusts and give them a call - just ask if you can speak to a psychiatric nurse for some advice? Be brief, just ask for an appointment. If that doesn't immediately work, ask your GP's secretary for a referral?
I was a psychiatric nurse in UK and I would urge you to find one - there are even Mental Health 'Drop In' Centres where you can start your journey to better mental health :-)
Above all, please remember that life changes - things change and your current symptoms will not always be as they are now :-)
I have those conversations in my head too...when I get ready to go to school...:D
So this is what I do sometimes...
You were possibly very depressed and you must have suffered. But everyone has got there own share of suffering so next time tell the voice- `shut the **** up!! It's my body, my decision and I'm gonna see a doctor. Wats a puny voice like u gonna do to me!!'
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