I pretty much have every symptom of schizoid personality disorder but I'm absolutely not cold or emotionless at all!! I have an overwhelming desire to be "human" on top but my subconscious feels so disconnected. All I do is live in my daydream world,can't deal with social interaction (it's like I'm in shock after speaking to some people and I blush uncontrollably),can't have a relationship with the opposite sex(when it gets past innocent flirting I feel dirty,wrong,like I'm a child and I don't trust they truly look at me as if I'm a sexual being ) but have a very dirty mind...literally the only thing I don't have is coldness. I'm buddhist and have an immense love for people but as if I'm an alien looking from the outside... I have genius iq as does my father. My parents are both drs and they are both are/where not affectionate. There is a strong family history of mental disorders (father has multiple diagnosis of schizophrenia and OCD). I never saw my parents kiss or touch each other. I do feel as if I'm being watched and have trouble even walking past people. I have trouble maintaining friendships(ie hanging out on a regular basis,going to parties) but do have a small group of friends I am comfortable around... Mostly my biggest issue is I can't have sex and I don't live in reality...I do have the desire to be "normal". Now as I child I was very sexual(masturbation at a young age) and when my mother caught me,I'd get spanked....is this why I'm like this or am I schizoid??
Yes that's complex. Some aspects of what you are describing (such as concerns of people watching you) may be psychiatric. However only a psychiatrist could provide a specific diagnosis. Some of the difficulty you have relating to people (such as relationship issues) may be psychological so the best thing to do would be to see a psychologist and they could see if a further referral was needed. It would be important to explain to them your family history of mental illness and when these concerns started and if they have changed over the years and if so when. Also if they come and go or are present at all times or if that has changed as well.
Ive been diagnosed with schizophrenia for 32 years (Im 54 now). Empathise about the sexual problems-I was a Vicars daughter and sex was never mentioned and Ive been messed up about it all my life. Also religion big problem for me all my life and Dad at Cambridge. Wish I could help a bit but all I can advise is try to look after your physical health, Ive never really got better but my good physical health is a bit of compensation,
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