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i don't know

ever since i was young i always had a very vivid imagination. when i was about 14/15 i began hearing voices or having thoughts i couldn't identify as my own, they seemed to possess higher knowledge of which i certainly couldn't be capable of comprehending. for days i could sit and write out things over without ever repeating yet they all seemed to string together, in a sort of theory-like pattern. sometimes they were about me talking in third person, other times they were about scientific philosophies and meanings of life. later on these voices began telling me to manipulate people for things, like drugs or alcohol or even affection. Later on i became a paranoid delusional, i stopped going to school because i thought everyone was saying things behind my back and i even lost a lot of friends because of it. i've had some pts in the past years and i think i suppressed something into my subconscious thought patterns. i smoke pot regularly and have been using it to self medicate my depression from what is emotionally scarring me and has been for years. however before i discovered pot, voices seem to control a lot of what did when i was younger and depressed. ei: cutting, the voices still tell me to do it but ever since i started smoking pot regularly i've been strong enough to stop. i know pot is linked to a lot of schizophrenia you find today but i've always thought i was a born schizophrenic however i'm worried. can your subconscious take over if you are conscious of it?
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1288654_tn?1271972901
also does anyone else hear music all the time? i haven't heard this song in years but it sounds like i'm listening to it on headphones all the time. i stopped listening to music because i hear it so much in my head now. does anyone else have psycho killer by the talking heads pounding in your head but only the chorus? also i've stopped listening to the radio because everytime i do i think it's trying to tell me something. i used to believe in synchronicities in life but now i'm just starting to accept the fact that maybe i am schizophrenic. do i seem schizophrenic to you?
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585414_tn?1288944902
The manner and severity in which hallucinations express themselves in schizophrenia can vary and in intensity as well. Marijuana can worsen the onset of schizophrenia and also how severe it is. Schizophrenia can occur with a mood disorder present as well which would generally be classified as schizoaffective disorder such as I have. When that occurs the person needs a mood stabilizer in addition to an antipsychotic. If you are having symptoms you haven't discussed with a psychiatrist before it would be neccessary to update them and make them aware of everything that's going on.
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1288654_tn?1271972901
I've been dealing with this for years, but I never told a doctor I heard voices because I didn't want to go on antipsychotics. They already put me on medication for my emotional outbursts and panic attacks when i was 16 and for my depression. i was on effexor and i think that really messed up my brain. since then and following my accident i've been in a very neutral state of emotion unless i drink or do drugs, besides marijuana. sometimes i laugh hysterically and totally out of context, it's like i'm thinking about the most hilarious thing but it doesnt even make sense when i explain it and i just can't stop laughing i actually start crying from being in so much pain from laughter. i never used to be like that before i took medication. i'm trying to take more b vitamins espeically b12 and 6. when i was younger i used to think i was cyclothymic, now i'm starting to think i am living a schizoaffective disorder. i've been to child psychologists but i just kind of avoided them somehow, i woudl tell them what they wanted to hear because i didnt want to end up in a child psychiatric ward. i almost think i should have and then just gotten all this over with tobegin with. now it seems difficult and i'm almost worried. i don't want to be on medication. i also hate doctors because when i broke my wrist and messed up my back they just gave me pain killers and then i  almost oded on codeine.
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585414_tn?1288944902
If a person has bipolar often an anti-depressent alone especially an SSRI will worsen the symptoms of bipolar or schizoaffective and a full mood stabilizer is what is needed but a psychiatrist would have to make that determination. This is some information on mood disorders and mood stabilizers:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/moodstabilizers.htm
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html
A person can often receive a better response from a psychiatrist if they understand more about their disability. Antipsychotics do have a fair amount of side effects but I did notice a clear difference in how I was able to function when I started them and studies are ongoing for a new generation of antipsychotics in Phase II FDA study which will promote a fuller recovery and have a more favorable side effect profile (I am one of the people in those studies) but even with the antipsychotics that exist now when a person such as myself looks back and can see the improvement it is worth it to obtain stability.I found that from the beginning.
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675718_tn?1321008971
i take anti-psychotic meds, a mood-stablizer and anti-deppressant medicines but not every pill works the same with everyone else you have to find the combination first :)
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Avatar_m_tn
It is possible you have one of the disorders along the potential bipolar/schizophrenia spectrum.  Smoking pot does not cause schizophrenia but it however can trigger it.  I've schizophrenia and the last time I smoked pot I only took a hit and it caused the room to change shape on me and time to freeze so it was definitely was not the right thing for me.  It would be a good idea to tell your doctor you hear voices and such.  In the US they only hospitalize you if you're a danger to yourself or others, can't take care of yourself, are suffering too much to function on the basic level, etc. things like that.  As for why you laugh out of context and such it depends on why you are laughing.  You could of been thrown into mania without a mood stabilizer like ILADVOCATE said.  Schizophrenia also eventually blunts the mood of the sufferer after making the emotions exaggerated, if it even affects the emotions to begin with (although I am told and have read this is more common than generally thought) and it can cause you to laugh when you feel sad or cry when you're not feeling sad or depressed, for no reason.
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