This forum is for questions and support regarding tips and techniques to help people begin to take accountability and responsibility for their general well-being and move towards improvement in all areas of their life: work, home, and relationships.
My husband and I are drifting apart and every time we're together, all we do is argue. We've been married 7 years. The only way I seem to get his attention these days is when he's arguing with me. Otherwise, it seems like I don't exist. What can I do to spark his interest again? He used to think I was cute.
What you are experiencing is very common and natural. What many couples and many relationships experience is that the romance, the glamour, the passion, seems to fade when the reality of day to day living occurs. It’s so much easier when you are in the courtship or honeymoon phase. Yes, the truth is that your perception at that time is so different than after you’ve spent time or years together. The next thing I’m going to say may sound funny or strange. The secret to keeping a relationship alive, or rejuvenating one is starting a love affair with you. A lot of individuals come into relationships expecting that the other person meet their needs. After the illusion or the honeymoon phase wears off, and now you’re irritated by the way they seal the toothpaste tube, or leave socks tumbled all over the house, etc., you start seeing the reality that was always there. But now, your perception of the situation has changed. Disillusionment occurs when expectations aren’t met. Ask yourself, were these expectations realistic? Can this person meet all your needs? If you realize that no one will ever be able to meet your needs completely, this is the beginning of a whole new way of being.
So, let’s take a moment to explore what it would be like if you felt cute? If you knew exactly what you needed and how to get what you need? And you just wanted to spend time with your husband to enjoy his company? If you’re ready for this new adventure and to spark his interest, try this.
1) Conduct a review of your talents, your strengths, and your gifts, what you like about yourself. Individuals and society does a great job of telling us are weaknesses. But what about what’s really great about you? What is it that attracted your husband to you? What did you express that maybe has been put into a closet?
2) As you continue to explore your needs and take accountability for meeting your needs, you can start to identify what you need most. For example, I am not happy unless I am constantly learning something new. I have totally embraced my needs and realize it is perfectly fine for me to constantly be reading, doing research, completing certifications, and going back to graduate school for more classes. What makes you happy? What do you need most? Once you discover it, you can then ask for it and communicate it to your husband.
3) Feeling cute is a state of mind. For instance, every time you go to the hairdresser, it feels good. Maybe you need a new haircut, or a new set of clothes? Is it time to give your image a new facelift?
4) Start courting your husband again. Yes, you’re right. You can’t completely start over, but what about scheduling 1 date a week to rekindle the spark? Take in a movie, a play, and dinner to discuss the movie? It’s about getting back to enjoying each other’s company away from home, in neutral territory.
5) If these tips don’t work, seek a professional marriage counselor to help support both of you, to rediscover what brought you together 7 years ago or at the very least, seek a professional to start discovering the real you!
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