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My son started boarding at a new school in September and althought he is enjoying the school very much, making friends, playing sport and been very sociable when he is there, he is finding contact with me very hard.
He is now in his 5/6 th week and the thought of me coming to see him makes him feel very nauseaous and when given the option of coming over to see him and he will say yes the day before but on the morning of the visit, he will text and say that he is sicky and please, could I cancel my visit.
I have been very conforting and supportive up to now and he is been looked after by the most wonderful matron who I kow is also a qualified counsellor and must of us would love to have as a mother (!),who feels he is improving etc and reassures me that at school he is very happy and doing well.
I have spoken to him and reassured him that if he does not enjoy it , I will not of course persue the boarding side with him and we will change him to a day boy buy he does not want to that at this stage. Just says he is finding it hard not to see me every day and he is ok if kept busy and has no contact with me.
We live close to the school and I could see him 2 or 3 times a week easily and I am now feeling worried that instead of confronting this, he is just bottling it up.
He goes through stages of feeling sicky every morning leading up to exeat or half term because he worries about coming home and how hard it will be to leave again.
Do you have any suggestions??
We have been to see his GP and I am reassured that his nausea is caused by anxiety only but of course, I now desperately want to help him get over it but I am at a loss. Should I be firmer and tell him to get a grip and just turn up at school when he is not expecting me so he has to confront this OR, should I carry on been led by what he is asking me to do which basically is to stay away untill he is ready??
The best recommendation in this situation would be to elicit the help of his counselor. She is there with him and seems that she may exert some influence. I would voice your concerns as you have here and ask her to help you become more involved in this program and become more engaged in his activities.
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