Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Self-Improvement Coaching (Expert Forum)
Post-BPD relationship Advice Please??
Answered by
DreamVolition, LLC
Redwood City - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding tips and techniques to help people begin to take accountability and responsibility for their general well-being and move towards improvement in all areas of their life: work, home, and relationships.
Post-BPD relationship Advice Please??
by Joseph1977, Nov 15, 2007 05:02PM
I dated someone long-distance for a few years who I now know has borderline personality disorder. We broke up over a year ago when I finally shut down completely and she could no longer manipulate and control me.
I started having panic and anxiety attacks whenever I started feeling "trapped" again and so I've done a lot of research on the topic since then, seen a therapist, read a ton of books including "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and am still having issues.
My concern is that I just don't "feel" anymore where girls are concerned. I don't get to feel horny, I don't get to feel "crush" feelings when I meet a cute new girl, I don't feel much of anything when it comes to girls. And if things start to feel serious I start to freak out.
Any advice?
I started having panic and anxiety attacks whenever I started feeling "trapped" again and so I've done a lot of research on the topic since then, seen a therapist, read a ton of books including "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and am still having issues.
My concern is that I just don't "feel" anymore where girls are concerned. I don't get to feel horny, I don't get to feel "crush" feelings when I meet a cute new girl, I don't feel much of anything when it comes to girls. And if things start to feel serious I start to freak out.
Any advice?
Doctor's Answer
by Wanda Ropa, MPEC, Nov 17, 2007 02:29PM
, Nov 17, 2007 02:29PMTo: Joseph1977
From what you have explained, I'm glad that you sought professional therapy. However, it sounds like you have put up armor against being so vulnerable and this shield is keeping you safe. It also explains why you are no longer experiencing many of your previous natural sensations.
So, it is obvious that you will need to take it very, very slowly. One book that I would recommend that talks about taking little baby steps to help you move forward is: "One Small Step Can Change Your Life" by Robert Maurer, Ph.D. It is a very simple book to read and will explain why it is so difficult to make big changes, even if you are motivated. It also provides case studies of individuals that were able to make changes using very small baby steps. It sounds like you still need support and I would urge you to continue to seek professional assistance, possibly consider somatic therapy (which helps you experience more within your body) while you give yourself permission to take little steps.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Your forum coach Wanda
So, it is obvious that you will need to take it very, very slowly. One book that I would recommend that talks about taking little baby steps to help you move forward is: "One Small Step Can Change Your Life" by Robert Maurer, Ph.D. It is a very simple book to read and will explain why it is so difficult to make big changes, even if you are motivated. It also provides case studies of individuals that were able to make changes using very small baby steps. It sounds like you still need support and I would urge you to continue to seek professional assistance, possibly consider somatic therapy (which helps you experience more within your body) while you give yourself permission to take little steps.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Your forum coach Wanda
