I don't know how to stop the cycles and make myself a happy person. I tend to jump from one relationship into another, some emotionally abusive, others where I am seeking consolation in the company of the person, but knowing I am not fully interested in them. I have the history of family abuse and alchoholism and I do have an addictive personality as well.
I depend on friends and family for advice too much, I can't make up my own mind, and my sense of identity seems to depend on others. It doesn't come from the inside. This is making me depressed and unhappy all the time. I have a really hard time being alone, and friends disappear from my life, or relatinoships end and I am devastated more and more. It feels like I won't get better and will always be this way. This has been going on for as long as I can remember, it's not a recent phenomenon.
I really urge you to seek the assistance of a counselor or therapist. During different times in our lives, all individuals experience stress and anxiety. However, when these patterns are constantly repeated, this is a good indication that you need additional support from a professional. There are many options available. If you work full-time, many employers have EAP (employee assistance) programs as part of the benefits package. They usually provide a few free sessions. If this is available, it might be an easy way to seek out some professional help.
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