A few months ago my grandfather died. He had intestinal issues and was no longer able to absorb anything. When he came home we were told he was at the end by his hospice nurse. At some point he became agitated and would try to get out of bed. We tried everything to keep him there, as he was barely able to walk, but he kept trying. So we looked to the hospice kit for help and gave him haldol. The very next day he was extremely restless, screaming out so I looked to the kit again and called my mother and asked if the anxiety drug would work better. So then we gave him Ativan. After awhile he became unresponsive and died two days after. I know he was at the end, but my mother didn't believe the hospice nurse and I can't help but feel like the combo of the drugs killed him. I feel to blame and I can't help but feel like I caused such great hurt to my family. Like if we had not administered the drugs so close in hours, he would've lived longer and my mothers final days with him would not have been the way it was. Any clarification anyone can provide can help me come to terms with this even if I am partially to blame. The hospice never explained the drugs and only later told us to never give them together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. May your grandfather rest in peace. it sounds like you did what you believed was best for him to ease his pain. I don't believe you should blame yourself for what transpired. His time was near.
Have you considered speaking to a religious/spiritual leader or a therapist regarding your feelings? I believe they could help comfort you during this time.
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