Hi i am 18 and im gettin ready to head to college an hour away from home and my bf's house. my bf is 24 and i pretty much live with him. i spend the night at his house every night. my bf is a farmer and he has a one year old boy. which he doesnt have his kid all the time. we have been dating for 10 months
my bf never wants to go out and do anything fun. he would rather stay at home and watch tv. he use to always hug me kiss me hold me and make me laugh. now it is like we are married. we never do anything fun. i cant remember the last time we even went on a date. he never appreicates me or anything i do such as clean his house, dishes, and laundry. so i quit cleaning and it seemed we would get into fight every night.
how can i make him go out and do something with me. i asked him to go to concerts, water park, the county fair, rodeos, movies, shopping, dancing at clubs, parties, you name it ive pretty much asked him to go. but the answer is always "NO" "im to tired" "im to old" "im not young anymore" "ive got to work tomorrow" he always has an excuse for everything.
dont get me wrong i love him to death so thats why i cant break up with him but im going crazy. i cant be in the house all the time.
do you have any iteas what i should do?
Anything i could do to get him up and out of the house?
my relationship is on thin ice just because he never wants to do anything. its not like im asking to so something every day just at least once in a while.
Ah. The Couch Potato Syndrome. I would suggest that you discuss with him why he seems to be uninterested in you. If he shuts down again and makes up excuses, show him what he is missing. Go out! Find some friends to go clubbing with and GO! Reverse psychology is your friend. Seeing how much fun you're having when you go out will make him curious to find out what is going on. If he's dull and doesn't want to have fun, doesn't mean you're his property and he controls you. YOU can go wherever you please and do whatever you want. If you still feel like he's dull and just sits there, I would leave. I know you say you love him to death, but it seems to me that the love is only going one way. Constant arguements and tension might mean that he's closing off to you. Who starts the fights and what are the fights about?
You say that you are getting "ready to head to college an hour away from home and my bf's house". Does this mean that you will be living an hour away in a dormitory or apartment while you attend college? Or will you be commuting the two hours a day from where you stay now? Either way, you are entering into a new life phase due to college and being away from your boyfriend for much of the day. He sounds at least somewhat depressed if he is saying that he is too old or too tired. Of course, the work of a farmer is not easy, and he may very well be tired. Everyday living can be tiring. It might be worth him having a checkup with his physician to see if anything medically is in need of remedy.
Usually i start the fights bc i will start saying things like "you never go out" "you never appreciate me" just things like that i and he gets mad then i get mad but all im trying to do is tell him how i feel but he gets so upset.
I do go out with my friends when he has his kid over night so those two can have their father son time. when i go out with my friends all i can think is what he is doing. i love when he is with me. when i get to his house after a long night and a lil tipsy he gets mad and says i never drink with him like we use to back in the day. i could try a lil harder acting like im havin a lot of fun when i go out with my friends. but how would i do that? which i guess he also said that summer is when is most busy for a farmer. so maybe when winter comes he wont be so tired and we will go places. should i wait till winter?
No man likes to get nagged. Try talking to him, but don't raise your voice. Start with the "We need to talk..." line and it'll shut him up for sure. Don't accuse him of being lazy or anything. Ask him what's bothering him and if there is anything that he can think of that is relaxing and that you can do as a couple. Talk to him. That's the best advice I can give you.
well last night i was texting him while he was at work around 8:30pm and then all of a sudden he quits texting so i call and call. no answer i had his friends call and i texted him. so i thought he was hurt. my friend finally was tired of seeing me worry so she took me out to the farm where he works to see if he was hurt. 11:40pm he finally calls and says he was at a friends house and his phone was charging in the truck. we were right behind him on the way home on the high way so i knew he wasnt lying. why would he make me worried like that. i was shaking and when he finally called i started crying bc i knew he was ok. then he got mad bc i went out lookin for him and he told me that i dont trust him.
I think that is a HUGE neon sign telling you something. If he gets mad because you're worried about him, that's not good. Explain to him that you didn't think he was cheating, you were worried that he was hurt. It seems to me that he is dwelling on all of the problems you have in your relationship. Everything you're told me is screaming to me that he's pulling away. Give him some room and see if he keeps pulling away. If he is spending less and less time with you, it might mean that he wants to end your relationship. He was out hanging with friends, why didn't you go? Become acquainted with his friends and hang with him more. It's the male persona (no offence to you or anything) to show off what he has. He should be proud of you and want to show you off! I admit, he should have called to let you know where he was, but men...they rarely think...hahaha. He was gone for 3 hours. He should have told you that he was leaving his phone in his truck. If you do think he's cheating, create a timeline. How long does it take him to respond to your texts? When did he leave work? How far is the friend's house from his work? Are there any gaps in the timeline?
Do that and you might be able to find out what's going on. If you don't think he's cheating, just explain to him that you were worried. If he still puts up a fight about that, I think it might be time to move on.
Thanks for your advice. i do hang out with him and his friens all the time...im like one of the guys with them. even one of his best friends tried taking me away from my bf. thats one reason why he prob doesnt want me to hang out with all his friends anymore. im not a gf that nags, calls non stop or texts, yell at him, i always let things slide with him. which is kinda weird bc i never let nobody boss me around.
Yes i do keep a timeline in my head. i usually know what hes doing by the gaps in the texts. I prob do need to give him some more room bc the only time we are apart is when we are both a work.
Lastnight after my friend and pulled into town behind him we turned off and i stayed at my sisters house without telling him. i havent heard from him since he called last night at 11:40pm it seems to me like he doesnt really care where i am or what i am doing. we are both very stubborn so that doesnt help out our relationship at all.
Yeah. I would say stay away for a few days. If he doesn't begin to wonder where you are, he is not interested in you, and you should probably break it off. You care so much about where he is, but if he doesn't care where you are, it's not a good relationship. (Like I said before that it seems that the love is only going one way...)
What do you mean one of his friends is trying to push you away? Is he trying to seduce you, or trying to get you to leave your boyfriend?
Whoa. It's like the classic movie! Guy tries to get guy friend to talk to a girl for him..the only thing is guy friend falls in love with girl! You never know, he might be telling the truth. Does he raise his voice and use his arms and hands a lot when he's telling you you're boyfriend is cheating? If so, usually that means he's frustrated and it might acutally be true.
You posted this yesterday, how did it go?
Yea it is like a classic movie. i never thought of that! my bf's friend doesnt raise his voice he just seems like he is joking. bc he will say my bf is not right for me bc i need to be with him and then he will smile. so i think he just trying to fill my head with all these lies. and i think he is just jealous. he quit talking with me bc he said it was to hard too see me with my bf and not him.
Yesterday we talked about taking a break from each other and he thinks it will help our relationship in the long run. we both know we need a break but it kills us being apart. so we decided if we get into another huge fight we are going to take a break for sure no matter what. which was kinda a good thing bc he is being so sweet and caring bc he know if we get in a fight we are gonna be on a break. i just hope it works out. he said that "relationship always have their lil fight but we can work on not having as many."
That's good. Just be careful. I remember an old boyfriend of mine asked for us to have a break. We never got back together. I found out he was sleeping with my best friend. HIS name is Joe. How wonderful for me! I'm sure that wont happen to you....Ha ha ha. At least you didn't get in a fight about not having fights.
You boyfriend's friend is jelous. If you do take a break from your boyfriend, be very very careful around his friend.
If your boyfriend's friend really can't stand to see you and your boyfriend together, tell you boyfriend if he becomes to naggy. Tell your boyfriend that he's telling you that he;s cheating.
Do you have names I can work with? Even an alias for your boyfriend and you boyfriend's friend can help so I don't have to keep writing "boyfriend and you boyfriend's friend ". Ha ha ha...
lol yea my Bf's name is Kendal and my his friend is Jason.
Kendal knew that jason likes me and that he was trying to get with me and break us up so they are not friends anymore. but jason still texts me every once in while to see if we are broke up yet.
im the one who brought up havin a break. he doesnt really want a break but he says it might be for the best. but we are just gonna hold back on havin a break. for now!
i met kendal a year ago last april and he had a girl prego and he cheated on her with me but i never knew at the time he had a prego gf. so they broke up bc he wanted to be with me. but i always question kendal why he hasnt cheated on me and he said bc im different and more fun. which he use to lie a lot a couple months ago. but he quit that real fast when i broke up with him for a week!
So you're taking a break for a week?
I'm sorry but Kendel sounds like an arrogant ***. Why did he dump his pregnant girlfriend? That's really uncool. If someone did that to me (left their prego girlfriend for me) I would tell him to go back to his girlfriend and child! Someone who has a history of cheating will most likely repeat the offence. It true about criminals,addicts, and most of all....boyfriends. Do you want to chat somewhere more....uhh...less public? Message me and I'll give you my e-mail and IM screen name if you'd like.
I agree with Becca89. But thought I would chip in too. I have to say, do me (and you) a favour ok? Stay well clear of that Kendal guy ok? I'm a guy, I know all the guy secrets :P Kendal is a very bad guy to be with. I've been kinda "naughty" sometimes in my life, but he has done at least three important things that I have never done and would never do, and they are bad things. One of them though, is extremely bad... I won't go into it or this post will be massive, but I hope you can appreciate what I say and just steer clear of him. You don't need someone like that in your life, ever, seriously..
As for you and your guy, I personally would suggest what Becca said, and steer clear of him. If he comes looking for you then you know he at least cares, otherwise, you need to be ready to accept that it might be time to move on, and you need to be able to read the signal too.. I don't know if there is any rule here or what... but personally, if I was the guy, and 2 days had passed... I would be freaking out. If not, then something is wrong.
It's hard to judge stuff like this, because I don't know you, him, or your relationship, but I had three thoughts when reading the posts, so I'll say them all in case it helps at all. You needn't reply by the way, I just hope it gives you something to ponder. First off, are you sure you aren't being too clingy with him? Is he getting enough space? When you go out with your friends and leave him in peace, is that like once or twice a week - or once every few months? Do you usually let him do his work during the day without calling or texting him? If not, do you think maybe he would prefer that, or does he like it? Does he "light up" all happy when you call him/text him meet him? It's hard to judge from afar, because we all have different relationships and they have different levels of intensity. So for some guys he may not be getting enough space. But for other guys they want a girl who wants to be with them every hour of the day.
The other thing I wondered, is if maybe he is just a bit depressed, and sometimes guys need a helping hand and a hug and a pat on the back etc.. We are emotional fragile little creatures, even the ones with big muscles and stuff.. So maybe he is moping because he is scared you are going to find another guy when you go to college? Maybe he convinced himself of that and in his own weird way, he is kind of rejecting you first to reduce the inevitable pain. It wouldn't be the first time that kind of thing happened, that's for sure. If that was true, all you would need to do to fix it is tell him you absolutely swear 100% that you will never cheat, and you will be completely honest always, and that would likely fix the problem.
The third and final thing I thought, is the hardest one to say... Be gentle with me :P I believe that a lot of people are in relationships that aren't right for them, and there is something to be said for working at a relationship and making it work. We all have to put at least some effort into a relationship. But sometimes, it just isn't meant to be and both people would be better off with someone else, as hard as that may be to accept or to achieve.
Personally, as a guy, I can say that guys can be pretty clueless sometimes, especially when they are young. Even when they are old I guess. We can sometimes miss "signs" completely, and sometimes see the signs but it doesn't sink in...So personally, I would want you to say, "Hey boyfriend, I love you but, I don't like you sitting on your behind all the time and not taking me out, and giving me more loving care and attention at home. I am with you because I CHOOSE to be with you, and I WANT to be with you, so you need to have the confidence to know that I am here by choice! But if you aren't going to value me enough to do these things, then I will have to move on".
That would be my perfect girl right there :P
Other people may disagree, but personally I think there is no better way to deal with relationships, than like that. Complete 100% honesty and being completely up front. It saves time, it reduces heartache in the long run, it avoids someone mis reading signs etc.. but most importantly, it's important that you do what is right for YOU first and foremost. Yeah he is important, and you have to be thoughtful of people's feelings, but if you think about it, and deep down you think that your life would be better off if you just moved on, then you HAVE to do that. It would be selfish of HIM to not let you do that. You aren't married and don't have kids with him (right?), so you aren't obliged to be with him. You need to do what is right for you. You are about 19? You are about to go to college? People that age and going college is THE ultimate party enjoyment time, and the best time to have the most fun possible. Try to come out of it with a good education yeah.. hehe.. but come on. Life gets pretty serious, pretty fast. Once you have a full on career, and maybe kids! your freedom to be wild can really shrink. However you look at it, college is the ONE time most people have in their lives, to be around a massive bunch of "open" people. You just don't get opportunities like that again. You end up working in an office or something with the same limited group of people, and your little group of friends rarely (or never) has no people come into it. Basically, you can't underestimate the value of the social importance of college. So to be brutally honest, I have to be a bit bold and say that unless this guy is the guy you will most likely marry, I personally would call it off and move on.
It can be hard to do that when you are so young. It's hard for both people, but seriously, a few weeks later and all the pain is gone and you have all the freedom in the world, and that is the most important thing of all. Life is too short to put up with things that aren't right for you. As harsh as it sounds, you may love him (do you?), but there are plenty of other guys who you would fall in love with too. You should try to make it work if possible, but bear in mind that you can't change people completely. You could maybe improve things, but if you would be happier with a lively outgoing guy that dotes on you and wants to be with you all the time and take you out all the time, then there are plenty of guys out there just like that, and it's not fair on you to not let you have that. And college is an important time to explore people and get a taste of what you like and what you can have etc.. So don't miss that chance unless he really is seriously special.
I hope to do that wasn't the worst advice in the world, but I know a girl who had a similar situation. She had a high school love, and they were together quite seriously, and then it was time to go to college, and they had to go to different colleges, but she stayed faithful to him. A few years later, they split up, and she had massive regrets about what should could have done at college if only she realised things sooner. Regret is a pretty painful thing. I wish you the best anyway.
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