Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
Debate: is watching porn cheating?
I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think.  Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other?  Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
Cancel
127 Answers
Page 7 of 7
Avatar universal
I feel looking at porn is cheating....Matthew 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery'".  Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  According to the Bible, it is adultery and therefore cheating.  Which is why I cannot stand my husband looking at porn.  It is disrespectful, degrading, and just plain wrong and does not belong in our marriage.  Many people think it is normal...it is not.  It goes against God's word!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
to me it's pretty much cheating when you rather look at porn on a daily basis than have sex with your partner .You are emotionally cheating. You are thinking of being with some else other than the person you are really with. it's the same thing. people just don't want to admit that because they end up feeling guilty. Especially when you have to lie about it or say I'll never do it again then as soon as he/she leaves you Still do it or when you do it and your partner is laying on the bed right next to you sleeping! What else do/could you lie about? Your partner has needs too and they need you to put it down  every once in a while. If you're too busy masturbating all the damn time then how are you gonna give your best performance!? They don't want sloppy seconds because, that's what it feels like they are getting lol. if you don't do that they will start to feel insecure with themselves and go looking for some one who will meet their needs.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Ok, all you lame excuse making men...watching porn is self indulgent, self centered and self pleasing. When in a committed relationship, it is no longer all about you...shocker, right? I am really sick of hearing that you (men) have a higher sex drive (I have yet to find a man to keep up with me). Y'all are just plain lazy and whiny snotty nosed brats who want to have your cake and eat it too and then try to pass it off a "natural"...oh, brother.

I have given my husband everything...I mean EVERYTHING. I initiate kinky and adventurous sex. I make naughty videos and pictures...even wearing costumes and wigs. I tolerate and am kind to his lame family. I am an awesome cook. I play like a kid and can be elegant and sophisticated as well. I am an artist and I love myself. And I just caught my husband using Internet porn...I am so not cool with that. I mean, how would he feel if I posted one of my "for his eyes only" videos for other men to see? How would any of you men feel about your woman being a masturbation tool for other men? I mean, I am not technically doing anything "wrong" (not engaging in actual sex) according to your (men) way of looking at it...how about if it was your mother...your daughter?

If you wouldn't be proud to show pornographic pictures of people you love to a bachelor party...then it isn't right. Sex is awesome, I love it...but I have respect for myself and for others. So don't be giving me these lines of malarkey that it is ok, even "normal".

I believe in living a noble exuberant life...and I will remain true to myself and encourage others to aim for higher moral ground. I am not sure on what the future holds for my husband being a part of my life, but he is in deep sh*t.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
4573237 tn?1356669727
I definitely do not consider watching porn cheating. I am okay with my guy watching porn in moderation, as I watch it as well. You can look, but not touch.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
4806352 tn?1359416616
I dont think porn is wrong or even masterbating to it...unless youre single. He/she - if in a relationship -watching porn is watching and being turned on/wanking off to a naked person doing sexual acts who isnt their partner. You are mentually and physically cheating. Imagine if some naked people were having sex in front of you with no contact at all but you were getting off on it, wouldnt that be wrong? Why isnt it wrong through a screen? The only difference is they arent physically in the room. I am not a prude and I do alot of different sexual acts. I want sex more than my bf but still he watches porn.
Ive told him it hurts me and when I try and talk a about it he gets angry. Once he promised he wouldnt do it again and for months I believed him until I found him doing it. I felt like an idiot anddc betrayed. Then we watched it together and found it weird. Then I found him doing it again while we were in an argument- who does that? Im always scared ill catch him and it hurts too much knowing other women are turning him on. Its different looking at someone on tv or in the street thinking theyre pretty but actually getting off on another woman whoisnt your partner just seems like a betrayal imo.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
People get around this issue because of the way we ask the question.  Is it Cheating??  Not really, that is if you define cheating as the act of sexual physical contact with someone other than your significant other.  If you define cheating as something more broad, than it is certainly cheating.  
Interestingly, pornography affects us all very similarly.  Pornography drives a wedge in your relationship and your relationship will never, NEVER, be what it can if you are into pornography.  I challenge you not with the question of if it is cheating, but whether or not it is HELPING your relationship.  
In my personal and professional opinion, pornography is never helpful in a relationship.  It does something to most of us that we don’t quite understand. Anyway, it would take a lot more explaining than people would want to read.  If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.  I have the feeling you just want someone to tell you it is OK.
I will say this.  A couple people said men needed to masturbate and we need to have sex.  Sex is procreation and it is super fun.  However, I have never read nor heard anyone dying from going without.  I am not saying sexual activity is not a powerful and driving force in our world.  But necessity???  Think about that one.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
4878267 tn?1360414191
It may not be cheating in a physical form,but let me put it in another way.If I was thinking of another man,when I was having sex with my partner is that a form of cheating.???..I really don't think,my boyfriend would appreciate or feel manly,if while having sex with him, I was thinking of another guy, I saw on the street and found attractive or an actor,I find sexy and the orgasm,he thinks he just gave me,comes from the fantasy,I just created in my head.Woman have to feel,sexy and attractive to have a good sex life and that comes from,how they feel with their partners,but men on the other hands are visual creatures, and need to be visually stimulated to be sexually aroused,so if my partner is viewing other women and masturbating to them,when I'm not around and not using porn as a form of sexual stimil with me, and done with respect,it is a form of cheating,maybe a safe form and but it's done in secret, and lying is involved and the other person feels, hurt and it affects how they feel,in their relationship with their partner,then it is a form of cheating.,It all about a Trust issue and when that is broken,it's hard to rebuilt.

When the both of you are comfortable with it and have no issues with it.then it is fine,it will not affect your relationship,trust or your sex life,because you respected your partners feelings.When you care about someone, you should always ask yourself,how would they feel and what harm could it do,if they found out,
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Logically, I will demonstrate how it is a violation of the romantic relationship contract.

Now, people will say, "if I merely fantasize about killing someone, should I go to jail for it" - no, you did not commit the murder. Then they compare sexual fantasy, but look at it this way:

If your friend wants to kill you, fantasizes about it, but doesn't actually do it, do you still want to remain in that kind of relationship? Probably not, because the trust is violated within that type of relationship contract. A friendly relationship is built on basic trust. Now, a romantic relationship is built on something a little more complicated: Sexual and romantic loyalty. How can one violate the foundation of that, with their thoughts and feelings:

Well, a romantic relationship is not a government. There are not merely rules to follow and little loopholes, and thats 'ok;' you can screw up emotionally with merely your thoughts and it damages the other person. When someone is fantasizing about people who are not you, it does hurt, just like it would hurt to find out your friend thinks of killing you.

Your partner is living out an infidelity in their mind.

Furthermore, their dopamine reward system doesn't know its not real sex -- and they will begin to associate the people in porn, with orgasm, and that starts the brain's chemical cocktail swirling around in their head, making them feel not only sexual desire, but a general affinity for porn. Their brain chemistry "falls in love" the way they did with you, but now they have created this bond with something new.

Everyone knows thats the quickest way to end romance in your relationship, fall for someone else -- well, it may only be a fantasy girl, but your brain chemistry does not know the difference.

There was a study done where men would rate their partners appearance, and even intelligence, before, and after indulging in porn for a while. The man rated their partner's lower, after using porn. Their brains become rewired to associate women in porn, with orgasm; thats where their interest is now placed.

An article on that study:

http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/

Hopefully those who naively think porn isn't cheating, can glean some knowledge from this, and for those who know its cheating; well, perhaps show all of this to your porn addicted partner. You can find loads of research to back this up if you google it.

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I sympathize.

I also relate. For the first year and a half, he lied, said that he didn't need it now that he had me. I also gave him naked photos of myself, and I have never once in the years we have been together turned him down for sex. I am not exaggerating. Never. Once. In. All. Those. Years.

He told me that he has a very low sex-drive, and thats why we don't have sex but a few times a month. ********. He is in his early 20s. I am an hourglass, in great shape, more than average attractive by far and men stare at me constantly when I'm out. I am also really skilled in bed. I have no problem getting the guy I want, never have, and they all tell me I'm one of the best, if not the best lays they have ever had.

Here is what happened. Porn addiction. And no, he doesn't hole up and wank for hours on end, he has simply hard-wired himself to prefer it over sex, and he was willing to lose me over porn.

When I met him, he was a virgin. At first, sex was something new and novel to him but then he got lazy and apathetic and went back to what he knows best - jerking off to airbrushed images of women.

We hadn't had sex in a month, and when I even bring it up he will shut down, or RAGE at me. He finally admitted during that month that we hadn't had sex, he had been using porn the whole time.

Low sex drive? Yeah, for -real- sex.

So here I am, in a sexless relationship, while hes pouring his libido into images of other women.

And people say porn isn't a problem.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I just got out of a relationship that was destroyed by porn. He would watch it all the time, and even though I begged him to stop he never did. I felt so ugly and worthless. Like, what was wrong with me? I'm a very sexual person and would never turn him down. EVER.

He could never maintain an erection during sex, I'd say by the end he only reached orgasm about 40% of the time. I even forced him to stop watching porn for a week and, surprise, he came many times and we had much better sex. He wasn't wasting himself on his computer so he was able to enjoy me fully. He started watching again though, and we went right back to not being able to complete intercourse. I guess I wasn't worth it?

It broke my heart to see so much porn on his computer, and to know that he didn't want to have sex with me, he wanted those other women more :( I was a fool for staying with him as long as I did, hoping he would change. One time I spent almost $200 on sex toys in an effort to spice things up and be more adventurous, but that didn't do it for him.

I hate that I didn't get as much attention from him as those ******, I hate that I wasn't good enough... how was I, one woman, supposed to compete against the thousands upon thousands of women on his computer??? HOW?!!? It's not fair!

I realize now that I deserve much better. I deserve a man for whom I am enough. One day I'll meet a man who loves me and desires me, and would forget about all other women in the world because I'm everything to him. I still cry myself to sleep at night because my self-esteem hasn't fully recovered. I still cringe when I hear the word "porn" or other related topics because it brings back the awful memories. I don't want the sex industry butting into my relationship again.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Porn is kinda like cheating. I'm admiring another womans body, sounds, features, looks... Why do I want to look at porn? Because it's the quickest, easiest way to get off. Constant stimulation of that part of my brain. Always fresh, new, and exciting... I am telling the person that I'm with, "You don't please me enough. You do ok, we have sex sometimes... But I want porn too. Not just you."  What if I had to choose between porn and my future spouse. What would I choose?

The hardest thing for a porn addict to do is give it up. I will be the first MAN to admit porn DOES affect relationships. And it affects my significant other's sexual feelings towards me. Porn is your infinite, forever-satisfying, digital sex world that no single woman can compete with. I don't think it's healthy for a man and his porn to continue into a relationship with another woman. Just my point of view...
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I think it depends on the relationship.. personally no its not cheating if you are still capable of having desire for your partner
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I agree with ur comment 100%
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
5532132 tn?1369349470
Viewing porn with the intent to masturbate when you have a partner who is willing to satisfy your needs IS cheating!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
it is a very good discussion , if a partner wants to masturbate when he/she is not with the partner then what is wrong in using porn to get in the mood , however using porn for sexual gratification when the partner is available maybe wrong.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Ok, so I've been with my bf for 8yrs now and I use to love to sit down with him and watch a movie with him, now I cant even sit down and watch one with him knowing hes getting more pleasure from that then being with me. Now its to the point that every time I left the house he would break out the porn and jerk off. So I explain to  him how much it hurts me that he does that without me. He promised not to bring the trash into our home again needless to say hes not doing a very good job respecting my wishes.

So very recently I went on a 7 day family vacation with my grand kids and due to bad weather we returned 3 days sooner. I didn't tell him that I was coming home I wanted to surprise him. But I got the surprise when I walked in to my living room that looked like a sex shop I mean there were toys, movies, mirrors, lotions ect..all over the place. I never felt so hurt and betrayed by what I saw and he had the nerve to turn it around and  say that it was my fault because I didnt tell him I was coming home, that I was a liar and that I betrayed his trust. Whats up with that? So hes saying that hiding it from me is ok as long as I dont see it...wrong!

Im not saying that masterbating is a bad thing or he cant do it, but when you have to watch other people having sex while masterbating is wrong.  I masterbate 2 but I dont need to watch someone else having sex to get off ,I think about my partner. Am I over reacting?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Why are you making your life a living hell by watching on what he doea. Its kind of like your waiting on him to do somthing besides. Porn is very addictive and even though its not right people are born with fettishes. They cannot help who they like no matter if its animality, incest, pettite young girls or even rape. If my girl likes torture or wants me to act like im raping her on some foreplay **** imma do so. And guess who go to for info porn. I respect if she doesent want m to look at it but if she wants m to do somthing i never did before im going straight to the enternet
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I dont count it as cheating at all as long as it isnt interferring with your relationship.
Men (just in my opinion) tend to be more drawn to visual stimulation, women are more mental, so where as a woman might run through the "highlights reel" in her head while masturbating a man might get the same satifaction from watching porn. That being said I know plenty of women (myself included) who enjoy porn occassionally, watching it with my partner is even better.....
each to their own, as long as it isnt becoming a problem in your life and relationship then whats the harm?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
The website given for the goodmenproject.com was VERY informative.  There is no way that a deep feeling of betrayal and hurt just pops up for nothing otherwise so many humans out there wouldn't feel it as often as it exists.  There is a reason for it and people just make up this horse crap to make their actions okay in their heads.  I caught my guy 3 days ago for the second time (we've been together for 13 years) after I told him the first time how it made me feel (about beginning of this year).  He never once came off as that kind of guy and always downplays other guys for doing that stuff or disrespecting women in general.  He had no comment when I confronted him the first time and I think that should have said something to me then.  The 2nd time he had the audacity to say that his "new" computer already had it on there and was wondering what the mystery file was (whatever; it was clearly a website).  I mean, REALLY?!  I've been contemplating in my head on whether or not it's best to let him be to do his thing and just end the relationship.  I KNOW this is not for me and I won't put up with it.  I'm sick of crying over it in private too.  I know in my heart it's been going on WAY more than just twice.  And from reading other comments that probably explains why he has trouble getting off when we have sex.  I'm not sure how I'm going to confront and talk about this in a loving way because I do love him but I know this will destroy us. No one deserve to feel this kind of hurt throughout their lives.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
You can masturbate to porn, but only if your partner is okay with it. If you carry on and don't care, it will make them feel insecure and trapped. You also should let your partner know that they are better than anything you've seen on the screen, and that participating in sexual activities with them is what you'd much rather do. I am a guy and I think that it is easier than it is made out to be to avoid masturbating -but that's just me-. If you are doing something your partner is uncomfortable with then you should stop, because it is a sacrifice you should make for their happiness.

You can debate for a long time about how it is cheating or how it is right and wrong to watch porn. But at the end of the day we're debating that because some relationships are fine with it and some aren't. But this is your relationship. If you prioritise porn over your partners comfort then it is natural they will have a problem with it.

And it is true, masturbating will happen, especially in a long term relationship. But if it makes your partner happy then my advice is you just do something with her over webcam, use pictures of eachother and masturbate without porn and your partner in mind when you start to feel the need for it.

Often people that masturbate over porn act like it is impossible to give up porn for the sake of anyone. But it is not impossible, because I can easily manage without it and just use the thought of my partner instead. If it really is impossible for you, then you may be in love with the person on the screen and not your partner.

Your relationship is what you make it to be. Every relationship is different, but you need to make sure that both of you are comfortable with the things that the other person is doing. Otherwise one of you begins to suffer.



Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Long distance* is what i meant to say
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
When my boyfriend watches porn, he imagines doing all that stuff to me. He is disgusted by hookers, sluts, and porn stars, so I highly doubt he plans on running away with any of the women he sees. He just wants to see some boobs, you know? So no, I don't consider it cheating. It's just an outlet, and inlet, I suppose, for sexual fantasies.
Besides, if porn is cheating for men then women watching their chick flicks should be cheating as well, since most of those films have at least one sex or implied sex scene and half the reason women always watch them is to admire and pine after the guys in them. It's basically porn, womanized. And it isn't cheating either.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I'm confused. Are you watching porn by yourself? Or another guy? Or with your wife or girlfriend?  Sometimes a couple needs a little "kick start" or help with intercourse, nothing wrong with that. But 2 guys watching porn or sitting by yourself watching it seems a little strange.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I've been married for 12 years, and waited until two years ago to have children because my husband kept looking at porn. I thought he finally saw the light and stopped, but a couple of weeks ago, I found out he was still doing it. Now I have a two year old and am facing a serious dilemma over what to do because I know for sure now that he is never going to stop, but I don't want to raise a child alone. Just so many emotions going on right now. Sorry you're going through this too. It's awful.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yes, porn can destroy a marriage. But if you talk it out as a couple it can be used as a sex tool.. We watched it occasionally together before lovemaking and it really enhanced the moment for both of us.  Over time though, my wife realized deep down that it wasn't right. We still have great sex even though I still watch porn and masturbate.  Sometimes one just needs a release when your partner isn't "in the mood".  Remember, guys are different than girls. So, I guess your at the point that my wife was at. Talk it out. Is it interfering with your sex life? If so, porn is not a good idea. It should never take the place of lovemaking. In my case, I could have sex every day, so my masturbating to porn once or twice a week is not going to hurt our lovemaking.  Hope this helps.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I'm in the same situation very touchy object for me it's really a turn off I've told my husband times he stops for a little bit but it all starts all over again as a woman I don't like it's disrespectful he's not respecting my feelings for its a turn off and I don't understand why he keeps doing it disregarding my feelings. I don't know what to do anymore. It's a very touchy topic for me and I know exactly how you feel:(
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
139792 tn?1498589250
If one is satisfied sexually he will not find other sources like porno.There are number of website, which can help to learn technique of good sexual activity for male and female. Male and female dear exercises are good beginning. one can kege each other.One can pick up some technique from kundalini yoga. One can try different postures. Research different methods and try. .
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
To masturbate in a relationship isn't wrong or cheating, in fact it could be quite the opposite. It could be the key to more sexual desire and more thrilling sex. It is only in the male nature to take every opportunity to feel pressure, so if she thinks that it is cheating, she turns into the bad guy for trying to withhold you from pleasure. If it is good a religious reason, than don't argue about that, but it isn't cheating. If you want more information, visit http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200906/okay-so-he-enjoys-masturbating
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I think Porn is a very complicated issue.
Many married and single men will say it's normal and harmless.
I view it as not that harmless, when it is done in a way that married men hide to watch porn.
And is it really that healthy when it's watched together as a couple?
For me, if my husband needs to look at other women to masturbate when I am not around, and hiding it from me, that is not OK. Confident or not about my looks, it just doesn't seem OK to me. It's cowardly to me, morally disrespectful.
Which ever way you slice it, I can't look at it as healthy. Why would women have to deal with their husbands looking at other women and being ok with it? What's the point of marriage? Why choosing one woman if you have to still look at all of them? That sounds like torture to me. And that sounds like bringing a spouse into a shaky marriage and a lot of trouble down the road.
Some married men already can't help looking at other women when walking down the street, with or without being with their wives. And so wives should let their husband masturbate to other women online?
To me, looking at porn/ other women online is not wanting to admit you are not in your relationship 100%. it's not wanting to address what you need and maybe not addressing some issues in your life. It's looking for something that isn't there already... meaning there is something else you need!...
Why isn't anyone telling men that just because so many of them watch porn and hide it from their spouses, it doesn't make it OK?
Why are these men marrying anyone if they can't help looking at other women and masturbating to them?
Why can't they stay single and be honest with themselves and others?
I have not needed to masturbate to any other guy, in my marriage. I haven't needed to get emotionally involved with someone else either. I've put my mind to my family. The day I feel shaky about my sexual relationship, if ever, I'll tell my husband. I won't hide away and do other things just because I can.
Why are some of these men exempt from that?
Why is morality so flexible?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
If your relationship is primarily about sex, than I agree, you have a problem. Men, biologically want to spread the seed and can get aroused by a variety of women. It's not that he doesn't like having sex with you, but that he (we) are genetically programmed to be aroused by many different women. To make sure the species doesn't die, we can be (are) attracted by a wide variety. If there is more than sex there, and you should know by the way he treats you (is he kind to you, does he give you his time, his treasure, most of his inner thoughts), than you shouldn't be so insecure. Masturbation, for myself, is a way to keep physically faithful to the woman I love. If he knows that you dislike his habit, don't expect him to be forthcoming about it. It's hard for me to generalize, but for myself, I married my wife because we have the same goals in family, finance, and lifestyle. I am physically faithful to her, even though I have masturbated since I was old enough to realize that I could bring myself off at age 9. If you are looking for a guy who doesn't masturbate, you may have a long wait.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
What is the difference whether or not there are pictures involved? You're okay with him thinking about someone else, but not looking at a picture. I don't understand. What do you think he's thinking about without a picture?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
But in the end, you dumped him. He must have thought that your relationship was more than just sexual, if not, why would he be with you?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
I don't think it's ever a matter of how beautiful you are. You could be Miss America and a man will, (I would) still want to think about other women. It is "think about" and not "act upon those thoughts" that we should be considering. I firmly believe that the male is NOT genetically programmed to be monogamous. In order to create families, we've created laws and norms that necessitate marriage and the monogamous relationship. Think about it. If he didn't want you, why would he be with you? I love my wife dearly, and would never hurt her intentionally, but to deny my animal instinct to procreate with other women, I masturbate. It is easier to please yourself than to please someone else.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
What is a "satisfying" sex life? Can you expect another to "satisfy" your desires? I neither expect my partner to satisfy all of my needs, nor do I think I can satisfy hers.  Masturbation is a tool, not a sign of disrespect. And whether your method of excitation is a Playboy magazine, online porn, or a romance novel, it is not a substitute for a loving, understanding relationship.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
10080829 tn?1407686546
  "Nothing good comes from it?" You must be using it incorrectly.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I agree it is degrading, my husband too is addicted.  I have told him how I feel, he lies about it even when I have placed a recording device in the bedroom while I go to work, and had webwatcher installed on his phone, tablet and computer. He does not have sex with me, he threatens me, calls me all kinds of degrading stuff and still refuses to admit it when he is caught red handed.  he even tried telling me it was a movie he was watching on t.v.. I cant afford to leave and he wont leave.  As long as I keep my f.... pie hole shut I am safe, I am sick and tired of this.  I work full time hours, he's retired he has been doing this our whole marriage but I was too stupid to catch on until 15 years ago, we have been married 30.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I fidn it strange that it has become acceptable to watch peoples lives get ruined and sexually degraded while we touch ourselves and make our partners feel hurt..all for what???
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Would you find it okay for your wife to watch sexy naked men have sex? It's like looking at another ladies bum with your wife by your side in public.Your girlfriend/wife would be angry about that and you would understand but it's different if it is on a phone or computer screen where another lady your man is admiring is fully naked "Honey it's normal for men to do this I'm not cheating I'm just looking at naked woman and having secret desires for them demoralising women and treating them as sex objects". I believe porn is suggesting in order for the man to feel satisfied they need to search "sexy lady porn" more like "find me a sexier woman than my wife". This is how a woman and young girls Feel. I am only 16 yet these are my views. I think porn is just as bad as having intercourse with someone else but your partner because, because watching these videos or looking at these images makes your man think "wow I want to have sex with her" because the sexual pleasure takes over your mind. So why is porn okay if it makes your man feel separated from you for that length of time he is looking at porn? And I understand some women are just as bad but the majority of comments are about men watching porn.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I know that didn't really make much sense but short story cut short porn is cheating it's like looking at someone's bum In th street why would you understand this but if your wife was to be angry at you looking at fully naked women is that okay
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Just because most guys do it doesn't make it right we have our views and I believe porn is cheating because you are making your wife feel like she is not as good as these women in pictures and videos. I see no difference in a man physically sitting there and watching it happen and on a computer screen. The only difference is with it being online you can hide it easier. The man is searching on the Internet for a sexier lady than his own.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Porn is cheating...you. fantasizing and thinking about touching and being with someone else. That's emotionally and mentally cheating. To compare it to a chick flick is stupid. There are not completley naked showing all body parts as in a pornography. They are sometimes doing crazy sexual things. I'm going through something right now as well. I feel like its cheating. He is committed to me. And I to him so why is it ok to look at another woman completey naked touching herself or having sex with someone else. Im not shy in the bedroom either. I'm pretty adventorous so to know that he watched porn upsets me Bc I have a very high sex drive .  Porn is cheating and the people that justify it whatever....if your young and single by all means have a great time. Being in a monogomous and committed relationship is just that!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
What if it is a Long Distance Relationship? Would porn be ok to masturbate? I see alot of replies saying its degrading to masturbate when im not there blahblablah but I dont see anything about long distance relationships.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
MY TAKE: Porn (used secretly) is kind of like cheating in the sense that it is like shopping for another partner. I understand it also kind of not because you don't actually get physical with another person. But...you aren't behaving in a way that typically leads to greater closeness, intimacy, or mutual pleasure.

It is turning away from your partner instead of turning toward them. (I'm not talking about porn that is used together with partners or porn that is used when the other person knows. That's different.) In my view, x-xxx porn used in secret is more like cheating than it is not.

Think of it this way. Imagine I go online to look for some new shoes. I can pick any kind, any style, any size. I customize my search and then pick the pair I want. The website lets me look at them from different angles, zoom in/out, maybe find something similar or the same style in a new material. I could click around all day just looking for new shoes. I think about outfits that different shoes would match. And I definitely think about how they would look and feel on my feet. Maybe I don't even end up actually buying any shoes. I never put them in my cart - or if I do I just don't check out. So my feet never go into that new pair of shoes. But although I didn't go ALL the way through the purchase process, you can be damn sure I was shopping. And when I have to wear my old shoes, I'll definitely wish I had that new, cute pair to wear even though I love the shoes I already have. Since I went shopping around, I know what I'm missing and I resent not being able to have it.

MY STORY: Apparently husband watches porn. We are intimate a lot (I rarely say no. Even during the week that it is not possible for me, it's bl** job week for him.) He doesn't think porn is a big deal. I just found this out quite by accident as he asked for help with his phone. He was with me when I found it. I didn't comment much except to say I was surprised and that it seems a bit like cheating. He said he doesn't equate it to adultery at all.

If it isn't a big deal, then... would it be ok for me to get texts from some guy with pics of his penis? Let's say I don't know the guy at all - I just get pics. No convo or anything back from me. Just all **** pics every day. My husband would be Furious. He would be angry about that. So why should I tolerate him actively seeking out other women to look at.

Maybe that's the trouble I have with it (in my own relationship.  Obviously it is not going to mean the same thing to everyone.) It's that he is shopping around for someone else and I'm supposed to be ok with that even though he would not tolerate the same from me.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
139792 tn?1498589250
Sex is a sacred thing. If a couple is fully satisfied with each other , there will be harmony in a family and this will end up with healthy family with happiness. The moment you start watching porno, your subconscious mind imprints these frames occupying space in your psyche and reduce your source of energy.Watching porno means you are hungry all the time and not satisfied with your partner.If research is done on mind because of porno, I am sure we will find many mental disorders.Real sex, full body orgasm, ans waves of love encircling the couple will make a big difference. This can happen if you are not a watcher.Most of ED patients are porno watchers.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
16643713 tn?1449996536
Thank You!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
16643713 tn?1449996536
In Japan, Most men don't need Porn. For the reason Women submit to their lover, than the women just say no, I don't feel like it tonight as us men JUST DIED INSIDE!! Feel unwanted!!!! You women what us to talk and show emotions as we men get shot down of not now, not tonight honey, not in the mood....so ******* what!!! You had to get things done you had to do and now your lover wants you, submit to his emotional needs or here coming CHEATING that YOU asked for of denying his EMOTIONAL HUMAN NEEDS to be loved by YOU!!!! So Yes 85% of young and old men do it, because women don't play along with men fantasy as you're the fantasy. You want to be wanted it, here you go!!! NO HONEY NOT IN THE MOOD!!! ALL MEN SAY: WTF!!!! I get rejected by my own lover. why? Women body chemicals change having sex, so while you're mood is not there. It w'ill be there when he's pounding you after 5 mins. Female brain will 100% react turning your body chemicals to be turned on and in the moood 100%. This is a fact!!! Remember you reject us loyal men to many times. Well us men will think, I in the mood for a long time as I'm rejected this long. I'm going to get some action as rape is wrong and against the law. So I'm going find someone or look at porn to feel better of the sexual energy build up needs to be released.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Its disrespectful if your partner makes it clear they find it hurtful, dont like it or view it as cheating. Some people may be ok with masturbating over porn on a relationship and aren't bothered , others find it only ok with there partners participation or knowing of it and some people really dislike it and personally feel insecure when their partner looks at photos or videos. Every relationship is different but if your partner is not ok with you watching porn and it would upset them then you shouldn't out of respect
Comment
Cancel
Comment
139792 tn?1498589250
Even if you see a woman exercising or in a particular mode, it gives the impatient as of porno.
There must be a way out to thin of sex in some other way which make it a sacred thing. There are books how to covert sexual energy into mental energy and mental energy into spiritual eneery. Focusing on this aspect can help to reduce sexual disorders. patch work will not work.  
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My husband works on the road and we only see each other a week out of each month. He looks at porn and masturbates to it but is also very open abt it. I'm not mad abt it. I'd rather him do that than actually cheat on me.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
losingmymind,

i totally agree with you, my fiance' has been watching porn almost daily even after i told him it hurt me.  He said he stopped after i told him that but I know he hasn't which hurt me more because I know he's lying to me now.  I also know hes hiding in the bathroom with me home and masturbating.  I am a VERY SEXUAL person who loves every aspect of intimacy and sex. I never turn it down, love snuggling and trying new things. I don;t understand the need if I;m right there and willing.  
He has all the classic symptoms of a Porn Addict (If you haven't read about them look it up) he's withdrawn from me , less sex and touching (with me) its all about HIM and I have to initiate.  
Do I think its cheating YES. Sex and Intimacy should be with your significant other, if you are seeking it elsewhere then why be in a relationship?  Get out instead of hurting someone else!

solostandupset
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I'm in your situation. He tells me he hasn't watched it for ages but know he's lying about it! He rarely touches me anymore and it's always me that's gotta go in for a snuggle or ask for a kiss etc. I wanna scream and shout at him about it but he always turns it on me and says I shouldn't be upset because yes he's with me. but doesn't come to me when he feels the urge and that hurts me massively!
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Two years ago i read a study that watching porn while having sex is a sexual dysfunction that affects many men born in the 1990ies, The reason was simple, they grew up with easy access to internet porn, when they entered adulthood the habit had become second nature so they were not able to have normal sex with real girls, when the porn was missing they were unable to ejaculate and some were unable to achieve and maintain an erection.

Porn is not cheating, those guys do it because its the only way they are able to have sex.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I made a point of making videos WITH my husband so he could use those instead of waching the ****** on the internet. Today I discovered that it doesn't matter. He's going to do it anyway and I'll be honest with you, it feels like cheating.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Sexual Health Community Resources
Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498589250
Blank
Indore, India
Avatar universal
Blank
st. louis, MO
11369760 tn?1449507972
Blank
Southwest , MI