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Debate: is watching porn cheating?
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Debate: is watching porn cheating?

I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think.  Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other?  Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
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Avatar_m_tn
i dont believe its cheating but if your significant other doesn't like it i think its still wrong to lie and you should respect their wishes, but no i dont believe its cheeting so long as you are still sexual with that significant other
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177641_tn?1189759437
I think it's cheating when confiding your sexual needs - even to random images or videos - takes priority over confiding to your partner. Plus it really depends on the people in the relationship. I think if you still prefer to be sexual with your partner, then it's probably not a big deal. It seems to boil down to how much you believe your partner's desire to look at porn is a reflection of how they feel about you. I can certainly understand why, in relationships where two people have drifted apart, adding pornography into the mix can be so threatening - it can really reinforce the message that *you* no longer meet my needs.
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332074_tn?1229564125
I think that if it take priority over sex with your partner then it is a bad thing. However, if you can do it and still maintain and active sex life then I see no problem with it.
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202436_tn?1326477933
I think it's a form of betrayal...when you are with someone you should be with them mind, body and soul.  You shouldn't have a need to see any other person naked.

I've been dealing with a type of sexual addiction with my husband.  It's degrading to the other person.  It can make them feel insignificant, not good enough, ugly, betrayed...and so on.

Some people have no problems with pornography but like another post said, if your partner has a problem with it then it shouldn't be done.  

There is also the the fact that the other person may begin to feel that their partner is "envisioning" other people during their own sexual activity.  

Sorry, this is a very touchy subject for me.  
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Avatar_n_tn
I agree with jml1986.  If you can still provide the same level of sexual pleasure for your partner than it's completley fine.  I've never even heard the debate of masturbating being a form of cheating though.  The only way it would be wrong i suppose, is if your partner is hurt by it.  Just be truthful with him/her and see how they feel about it.
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Avatar_m_tn
So many ways to look at the porn situation, I have been a person that has purchased porn movies a few times over many years, to me they are a waste of time, I can say that after watching and masturbating to porn I feel that I have done something wrong and finish up whacking the DVD or Video Tape with a hammer and chucking it in a trash can.

I do believe there are relationships where one partner or the other has a much stronger sex  drive than the other, in such cases porn and masturbation can be of some benifit but only if a person does just that and does not stray into a real life sex relationship, of course that can ruin everything.

I am now 64 yrs old and have been married three times, I have had sexual relationships with nine different women, I have never had a one night stand, two of the women I had a sexual relationship were very very hot sexed, I thought I was in heaven, funny I would not have married either of them, the other seven would be what I would regard as being normal, sadly though my previous two wives came on strong for a few months and then my sex life started to dwindle to the point where I looked at porn, I have masturbated since I was 12 and at no time have I ever stopped, mainly because I did not have a decent sexual relationship with my partner, problems being eg, making an appointment for love making on Sundays after the late night movie on TV when I had to get up for work at 4.30am, no wonder I masturbated.

My current wife who I love dearly and have been with for over 20 years had a wonderful sexual relationship for many years, she now 66 years old and not feeling as sexy as she used to encourages me to look at internet porn and masturbate, this I do about 3 times per week, she is happy that I dont keep on at her about sex and I am happy because I feel good because I am not cheating on her or being a general pain in the backside.

As far as a partner feeling cheated by a spouse masturbating while watching porn this can be male or female, do husbands feel cheated because a wife is watching a porn star with a penis like a hammer handle having sex with a woman?, IMO people that feel as though their spouse is cheating on them are insecure about the relationship in the first place, there is an old saying " Where there is no trust there is no love and where there is no love there is no trust".

Having said all this because of my faith I do have a personal fight within myself, it is as though there are two people, one the guy that loves nature and its creator the other a sexual being that needs to be satisfied sexualy, its not easy.
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Avatar_m_tn
Me and my wife both masturbate and still keep a very good sex life. We each do it because the other is not around or it helps to releive our stress of the day. Its just another sexual outlet that each of us agrees that its ok.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think of it is an odd form of cheating- just more plainly disrespectful. I do not watch porn, neither does my boyfriend.  We're ok with masturbating without each other, but we do it without looking at other people.  We watched it once together but realized it was just plain odd to be looking at other naked people.
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298817_tn?1229893582
Porn is not my thing . But what about play boy books , thinking about hot movie stars when you masturbate  Where  would you draw the line for cheating ? If your partner is not OK with it then I think it"s disrespectful , but not cheating . I think alot of guys would try and stop if their partners / wife would give them a satisfying sex life .
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228936_tn?1249097848
Watching porn can be destructive. I've know drug addicts that relapsed on drugs after watching porn and others that commited rapes and other crimes after watching porn. Have real sex, not virtual sex.
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Avatar_m_tn
To much of anything isn't good for you, that's a fore-gone-conclusion, But on the other hand if the porn if shared together,  it can help  induce some spice into a dull relationship. Most men and women" Masturbate" and as long as both gender serve each others sexual needs,wht's the gig deal on how we go about it?
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246464_tn?1249455747
Cheating is doing something emotional or sexual behind the back of your partner, or agaist the wishes of your partner. That is what i have come to believe.

Porn is a gray area as it is being a sexual voyeur, not an active participant other than possible masturbation.

If it is an area you have discussed and he still is actively persuing porn? You guys need to seek therapy to get it figured out.
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Avatar_n_tn
Yes...it invites and includes other parties into what should be an exclusive, intimate relationship...sounds like cheating to me.
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Avatar_n_tn
"Cheating" is a relative term.  Is it cheating if your partner willingly and eagerly let's you have sex with other people?  No.  So whether or not it's okay to watch porn depends on how your partner feels about it.  
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228936_tn?1249097848
it just symantics weather it's cheating or not. Porn is bad and comes from abused people and nothing good comes from it.
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Avatar_m_tn
In a perfect world, there would be no pornography, including Playboy.  Everyone is different.  Male or female, some are more sexual than others.  Many (most?) men think they want sex 24 hours a day.  Porn can provide an outlet for singles, depending upon one's moral views.  For those that are married, it is a different issue.  The feeling I get from some married men is that once the couple has a child, sex goes by the wayside.  Some feel that sex goes down in level from before marriage even without kids, as the wife does not have the interest as before.  Those that are married, know that marriage takes work, and often it takes work to keep sex at the forefront.  I know that porn can actually increase sexual relations between partners, as it increases interest or motivates the one watching it, usually the male, as long as it is not bad porn, as there are many types.  I would say that if a couple is having frequent enough sexual encounters and these encounters are interesting to both parties then porn would mostly not be necessary, since no other outlet would be needed.  Communication is prime.  Some men would rather view porn on the sly than be forthright with their wives and say that they want a blowjob or want to perform analingus and so on.
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228936_tn?1249097848
analingus? doesn't sound too apetizing. Porn is made by criminals for suckers!
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Avatar_m_tn
Umm...is everyone here crazy?  How the heck is watching porn cheating?  Regardless if your partner knows about it or not, you can watch porn all you want and masturbate, and it's not considered cheating.  You're not physically involved with another person, and you're not in love with the porn star...you're simply using the visuals to help you climax.  I know one thing girls have a hard time understanding is that guys get off on visuals while girls get off on emotional stuff.  Just because a guy watches another girl have sex and gets off on it doesn't mean that's cheating, and anyone who thinks so will never be happy in their lives, because MOST GUYS WATCH PORN, whether they tell their significant others or not.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so sick of sexually weird men, it seems to come with middle age whereupon guys act like teenage boys and it is really a turn off.  I work with so many guys and find the older ( than me) ones are the sickest.  The young attractive guys seem to be able to pull lots of women for sex rather than sit sadly in a dark corner playing around with themselves to images on the computer.  I have a dilemma here in that I am often asked out by good looking young guys, I know its just sexual, whereas my partner has this odd porn secret.  This year I found out the extent of his problem by checking the computers yet some stuff is shelled or has extensions I can't open. If I do open them or find links it just makes me cry and feel suicidal. Should I have sex with better looking young guys to compenstate? I feel like dragging home some lads for some real live action sometimes, its hard to keep saying no when I feel so betrayed.

Why do middle aged men turn into such freaks? It makes me cringe and the exploitation of women in the porn industry is truly awful in the 21st century. We can't evolve as a race whilst this absolute animalism continues without protest from women all over the world.

I love the internet for the free information it brings, but the on line porn world is a great threat to all women. My life has been so messed up by the discovery that my partner is in fact a sick liar and I can trust or look after him anymore.

If I find anything to do with youngsters ( under 14/15) this will go straight to the police - I'd see him locked up for any underage images.  

Yet I loved him so much before this - now I am on guard and suspicious and it is making my life hell.  After all our years together I now might have to destroy my partner to survive with my head held up. I've loved and supported him for too long.

So think on old men - you are destroying those you are supposed to love. If there is any justice in this world you'll end up dying on your own in a one bed flat and not one on line female porn victim will care.  Your long suffering wives long gone due to your lies and sickness.

Can't wait to see his face when I bring home a real life good looker - do "it" on his PC table most probably.  I just have to say "yes" to better quality young guys.

So screwed up with this on line porn I am all over the place.
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568812_tn?1379169394
I don't think porn is cheating at all. Neither does my boyfriend. I watch porn now and again and my bf knows I do and isn't at all bothered by it. He doesn't watch it cause he finds it repetitive (why watch two hours or so of people doing the same thing? He says lol) cheating is personally getting involved with someone else in a way that should only be allowed with your partner etc.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think watching porn is fine! ... and i'm a girl. I watch porn and invite my boyfriend too. Sometimes we watch it together and i sometimes offer to let him watch porn while I give him a **, but he always refuses. I think porn gives us new ideas for our own sex lives and helps us to be open minded - but that's just our relationship!
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1060231_tn?1338393735
no its not a for of cheating,your only doing it for one reason and thats to get off.your not fanticising obout being with that person.your just using it as a tool.its what their doing that your interested in not the person themselves.i'm sure your boyfriend watches porn also for the same reason.once you satify yourself what do you do ?you shut it down and forget about it.s your fine doing that and don't feel guilty because you have done nothing wrong.i hope i have been of some help to you
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686059_tn?1293837427
Porn is addictive, inmoral and destructive to the very core of a healthy relationship and family values. If you are married and masterbating (masturbating) to porn, yes, it's not only cheating, but adultery, because you are sexually pleasing yourself with an image that is not of your wife, so it is not only cheating, but adultery...if married!
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539549_tn?1315985262
I don't think porn is cheating,...
alot of women think it is but their views about sex are off
because most guys will watch regaurdless of wether or not your okay with it
I watch pretty much everynight and I see it as a useful tool
however,....
when its getting to the point where you feel you don't want or need your partner sexauly
then its a problem
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1089063_tn?1256989803
My boyfriend and i watch it together. So to us no.
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Avatar_m_tn
Well.... How would you feel if your wife/girlfriend was doing it looking at man porn? I think it is fantasy but yea a form of cheating.

Why not take porn photos of your wife/girlfriend and use them. Just don't put those photos on a computer. Then your not cheating... :)
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Avatar_m_tn
I say not on a computer so they can't be copied...!
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1097249_tn?1257381227
I am so upset over my boyfriends behavior since we got the computer  I decided I will leave him if he keeps it up.
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1097249_tn?1257381227
I will tolerate men and porn because females are rascals.  Every Female i thought was a friend has back-stabbed me and been so competitive with me.  Porn or no porn I like men better.  Women are way to competitive.  I have cared about and tried to help so many gals.  No more.  Give me a porn using man for a friend or boyfriend over any female.
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1101311_tn?1257781406
when i go on my boyfriends laptop and there is still windows with porn open it only offends me if the women dont look like me at all. i am small blonde and very pale (my boyfriends housemates calls me a vampire) and when i see thats he's been having fun watching a video with 3 or 4 asian girls i do feel a bit like "hey! does he really prefer girls that look like that?" but then i gotta remember that maybe thats the only video he found interesting enough to masturbate over or whatever. i did tell him that i felt upset cos he enjoying woman that look nothing like me at all and he understood, cos he doesn't want to loose me (not that it was gonna damage our relationship anyway)
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1101690_tn?1268503239
My opinion - if his partners refuses him sexually, it is just natural that he uses porn. Or if he has some desires which his partner does not want to satisfy (e.g. oral sex...) or if the partner has negative attitude to sex and nudity in general and if she is very shy and does not let him see her body etc, then it is quite natural that this guy uses porn (he probably wants to see naked women ejnoying sex - and if his partner does not enjoy sex, he can look for it in this virtual substitute).
My personal attitude - I have not used any porn materials since I started a relationship with my current girlfriend (more than 2 years) who is compatible with my sexuality. In case of my unwilling ex-partners or in my single periods, it was different...
Other cases - if someone has some deviation (sm, fetish, etc...) and is afraid of sharing his fantasies with his partner, then his use of porn is understandable, but I understand also the frustration of his partner.
Comparison: I think that there is no big difference between masturbation to porn (visual stimulation with images of other people) and masturbation to sexual fantasies with other people (images in your mind). Where is the difference if my partner just thinks about some actor and she masturbates to this idea or if I see the picture of some actress (because I have poor imagination, I need visual aids:). OK, I am joking now, but I really don´t think that fantasies with other guys is OK and porn with other girls is cheating.
Of course, porn and fantasies are a form of mental cheating, but it is a different form of cheating than real-life sex with the third person (it is different for the guy, for the "object" of his desire and for his partner as well as for possible consequences in real life...The porn star will not try to call me and make me live with her, but my extramarital lover can do so...)
Having said that, I must add that I really understand all the feelings of pain and frustration of partners who find out that their boyfriend uses porn. It would hurt me very much if I found out that my girlfriend masturbates to some images of some alpha-males, too,,, (whether because of natural jealousy or other fears or reasons, the frustration is completely understandable...)
The real problem starts when someone uses porn INSTEAD OF sex with his partner (not just as an addition), then it is not probably real cheating, but it can be even worse- it is a tragedy for this relationship.
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Avatar_n_tn
My boyfriend will jack off to porn 1x a day and refuse to have sex with me for almost a week at a time (I'd prefer it daily).  He says porn is less of a "hassle" than having sex with me.  That hurts.  

I get tired of the constant rejection.  I used to feel attractive but not so much anymore. :(  

Some mornings he practically runs out of bed to go look at porn, while I am lying naked next to him, unfulfilled. He obviously is not physically attracted to me, but he lies and says he is so that he can have the other benefits of having a girlfriend.

I asked him once does he ever think about how the women he is giving his sexual attention to (instead of choosing to give it to me) are real people?  He said no, they are just there as a visual aid for his masturbation. :/  

I said, then you'd be okay with me posting naked pictures of myself all over the internet for other guys to jack off to?  He said no, that would be cheating.  But for him to expend his sexual energies at images of other women when he has a perfectly good, willing, and available girlfriend right here, that is okay?

I think he is a hypocrite, and as soon as I get enough money together to do it, I'm leaving.  

I have no problem with people masturbating and looking at porn as part of a healthy relationship, but when one can use it and one can't, or you are using it in place of a normal sexual relationship, or simply if you have to lie about it and hide it, there is a problem.  

I know I can't change him. I'd rather be alone than with someone who knowingly hurts me every time he rejects me and chooses porn instead of me.
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Avatar_m_tn
I DON'T THINK UR BOYFRIEND RESPECTS UR FEELINGS, OTHERWISE HE MIGHT NOT DO ANYTHING TATS OFFENDS U OR UPSETS U.
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1101690_tn?1268503239
If I were you, I´d leave him as soon as you can. If he ignores your sexual needs, if he watches porn instead of having sex with you, if he ignores you completely, then there is no point in staying and suffering in this unfair and meaningless relationship. By the way, if he ignores your sexual needs, then he has no right to demand your sexual faithfulness (fidelity) to him, if he doesn´t care about your needs, then why does he care about the way how you satisfy your needs (which he is not interested in). Even if you had lovers or if you masturbated to some porn or if you put your pictures on the Internet, he should just shut up and not to condemn you - it would be just your natural and logical reaction to his stupid and inconsiderate opinion. Just an experiment - how would he react if you started to watch some porn with well-endowed guys and if you masturbated to these pictures...(you can try it right in front of him).
I wish you would meet a much better guy in near future.
Best of luck
severin76
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Avatar_m_tn
It's not cheating.  What about if the guy watches porn with his girl, are the both cheating?  Does the world explode?

Guys: We seriously need to come together on this.  I don't know when or how, but suddenly our primary biological function/instinct, our sex drive, is being made out to be evil.  You are being told to be ashamed for having a higher sex drive than your female counterpart.  YOU ARE BIOLOGICALLY DESIGNED THIS WAY.  There is nothing wrong with it, it is natural, and one of the things that makes you a man.

If your fantasies do not include anything illegal, don't worry about it.  Talk to your wife about what you're into, and make sure you let her know how amazing she is if she gives it a shot.  Be open and honest with each other.  Do you really want to spend an entire life with someone, unsatisfied, because you were afraid of:

A) Embarrassmemt
or
B) Being without her

Hey if you're not sexually satisfied I'm sorry that's ground for dismissal.  It's a two way street don't get me wrong, but if she's got you locked in a box drowning in your own shame that is NOT a healthy relationship.  If guys would be more open about this women couldn't use it as control mechanism.  You want to talk about insecurity?  Who's really the insecure one, the person doing what comes natural to them or the person suffering from jealousy and feelings of inadequacy over a FANTASY IN AN ELECTRIC BOX.

Big waste of my time this was, but at least I feel better.  I'm off to watch some porn.
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Avatar_m_tn
I just had to respond to this because it was to good.

First, those young guys you think are so great and aren't pervs are jerking off too.  Ask any guy, old or young, the old ones were young once to you know.  It's just hey, the internet's not really that old, you women only just recently got your union broken.  Competition's a *****, just work harder and you'll be fine.

Second, sounds to me like you've got some pretty good porn ideas yourself (or might need to watch some).  That's sexual frustration if I ever saw it.  Hey maybe he'll be into you bringing another guy home.  You could always tape it and start your own site.  You know what they say: If ya can't beat em, join em!
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1101690_tn?1268503239
1.Watching porn can be acceptable in a relationship unless your partner uses porn INSTEAD OF having sex with you. In my opinion, porn is closer to fantasy and masturbation than to cheating. Reason: no other person is sharing my sexual arousal with me, none of the porn actresses knows that I exist, it  is impossible to share emotions with a movie... It is closer to fantasy, when somebody masturbates to a private fantasy in his/her mind it  is similar to the case when somebody uses visual stimulation via porn to make his imagination / fanstasy work... Imagine, if some unknown man made a photo of you and masturbated while looking at this photo – would you feel guilty? And if he slept with you in a real life, would you feel different? Your answers can illustrate the difference between porn and cheating. Another example – imagine that I have an extremely strong emotional reaction while watching some romantic film, does it mean that I have fallen in love with the actress in reality? Have I been emotionally unfaithful if my eyes are full of tears while watching Titanic movie?

2.Porn can be related to specific fantasies, but those fantasies do not mean that the person wants to act according to those fantasies also in real world. Many heterosexual women have lesbian fantasies or rape fantasies but in reality they would not like such sexual encounters. The same can be said about porn and the fantasies which it creates / inspires.

3.The best way how to accept porn (or secret erotic fantasies or dreams etc) is not to know about them too much. I´d recommend your boyfriend to keep his fantasies or porn „top secret“ without letting them disturb or hurt you. Of course, if I were you I would not try to discover the complete truth about his fantasies if he does not feel the need to reveal them.

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Avatar_f_tn
I totally agree with Judy246
Especially with my situation, I believe that porn is a form of cheating your looking at other images to please yourself and honestly you should be content and satisfied with your wife...I'm so against watching especially now, since my husband just recently revealed to me he cheated on me... I have expressed my feelings about him watching porn; that it make's me feel uncomfortable and it make me feel that I'm not good enough for him... but I feel like a broken record just repeating the same thing over and over... He's made feel so insecure about myself now more then ever...  What is he searching for that he needs to watch porn, I give him everything and every which way he wants it... I don't understand and I'm still coping from the hurt of him cheating on me... I am a good woman I don't deserve any of this... But this porn business has to go because its messing up on us rebuilding our marriage...
                                                                                                  A struggling wife
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Avatar_f_tn
I totally agree with Judy246
Especially with my situation, I believe that porn is a form of cheating your looking at other images to please yourself and honestly you should be content and satisfied with your wife...I'm so against watching especially now, since my husband just recently revealed to me he cheated on me... I have expressed my feelings about him watching porn; that it make's me feel uncomfortable and it make me feel that I'm not good enough for him... but I feel like a broken record just repeating the same thing over and over... He's made feel so insecure about myself now more then ever...  What is he searching for that he needs to watch porn, I give him everything and every which way he wants it... I don't understand and I'm still coping from the hurt of him cheating on me... I am a good woman I don't deserve any of this... But this porn business has to go because its messing up on us rebuilding our marriage...
                                                                                                  A struggling wife
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Avatar_m_tn
it is in no way cheating. just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to stop having time to yourself. most men are horny 24hrs a day, and i would say that by masturbating it keeps us from cheating. i look at porn and masturbate everyday. i am married. i still think my wife is the hottest woman on the planet, and enjoy each and everyday. our sex life is great, 4-5 times a week. i would never stop her from wathcing porn and touching herself, nor would she stop me!
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Avatar_f_tn
I totally agree with you 110% WELL SAID!!
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Avatar_m_tn
No!  Is it cheating when a woman reads her steamy sex novel and then masturbates to what she read.  I find it a double standard.  Women feel it is ok to fantasize about sex but god for bid you actually watch it.   Reading it is ok but god for bid if you watch it!  It is only cheating when you are actually having sex with another person.  Another example.  Guy checking out hot girl in bikini. Most girls think that is wrong.  But on the other hand it is ok for that same girl to check out the Hot 20 something guy in his business suit walking down the side walk to lunch.  I just don't understand the double standard.  I could care less if my wife did all these things I mentioned as long as she does not have sex with someone else.  But I know she would have a break down if she knew I watched porn.
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Avatar_f_tn
I myself am struggling with this. Like a earlier post, Im torn between two sides of me. Im 50 years old and I only started watching porn this year after my BF and I started to dabble with some bondage stuff. I mostly started to look at it to get ideals and see what things I thought I might like and THOUGHT that was what he was doing also. But now, 19 months into the relationship Im finding this is not the case. All theses months he had told me I was so erotic and hott and he was so lucky to have me and I satified him in every way. But, now he openly tells me he veiws porn often when Im not there, often the girl on girl stuff ( which Im totally not in to ), and I think he veiws it some early mornings and then comes back to bed to do me. So, if Im so hott and have willingly tryed all theses things that are on the porn sites ( and enjoyed them )..... Why does he still seek them out so much ?  And... He has a hard time getting off and I cant help but think hes doing himself too much.  Really... I am now so diastaught to think that I actually thought that my man could only have eyes for me....that just my flesh and sexual acts would be enought. And on top of this he recently revealed that he feels its perfectly OK for committed men to go to clubs and get lap dances....that its not sexual, just a plesant distraction. He says he wont go.....but just knowing that he dosent see the breach of loyalty, the wedge it puts in the bonding......just weights heavy on my heart now. He said " Thats my problem ". IDK..... I just wanted it all this time, Heart, Body, Soul, Mind. I mean really..... Where does it ever end ?  So...yea, Im thinking the porn is probably a bit damaging.
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1877434_tn?1320520188
Is not cheating in the strict sense of the word, but it is a form of betrayal to most women. A couple years back I ended a long term relationship due in part to my boyfriend's addiction to Internet porn which made me feel totally inadequate as both his lover and his mate. I was so hurt that I'm only now getting back into the dating scene and they even volunteer for a company that produces Internet usage software that helps women find out if there significant other is using their PC to look at porn when they're not around.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think porn is cheating especially when your spouse hides it from you than when u find it and confront them they deny it!!!! I had a relationship where ma boyfriend of two yrs packed his things and fought me called me all kinds of names because i told him it made me feel unwanted n this was on two different occasions i asked him y he have to look at porn n he told me cuz he like lookin at naked women no matter what when he never even lay eyes on me yet even touch me! !! So yea i think its cheating its just thats tha easy way of let u know that there interested in someone else n he googled specifics like hoodrats n etc jus show u what hes interested in ( hoodrats)
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Avatar_m_tn
This is a difficult subject to me, but I would appreciate some other people's opinions. My partner is shy and has a very low sex drive (she also has some issues about sex) while I have a very high sex drive. Sadly we rarely have sex, but we love each other very much. I masterbate to porn due to my high drive, but I would much rather have sex with my parter, even to the point of thinking about her during climax. For me, the visuals are just an aid and there is no emotional attachment in the pornography or the women involved whatsoever. I would never, ever want to be with anyone else physically or emotionally, but I haven't told my partner about me watching porn. She can be quite sensitive and I haven't told her because I don't want her to feel I'm unattracted to her or that it's the women involved that interest me. Would this situation count as cheating? It is something I am very worried about :(
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Avatar_f_tn
The only diffrance between porn and cheating is one is pretending you are actually sticking it somewhere and one actually is!! But that is just my opinion.
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Avatar_m_tn
If porn is cheating, then so are R rated movies with nudity. Cmon people.
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Avatar_f_tn
Scot, you make it out like it's always women that don't "put out". However, in my relationship, I have a much higher sex drive. I masturbate but my partner has no issue with it. Also, I don't watch porn. I'd rather think of our sex life. We have sex every two or three days. He doesn't masturbate  because I'm up for sex whenever. I only generally so when he's at work. In regards to the porn thing, I didn't appreciate him watching it because I'm very insecure and I didn't feel I was enough. This stopped straight after confrontation so it is no longer an issue
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been dating this guy for 2 yrs. To summerize everything I had changed my life by moving 2000 miles from home. Before the move I had told him how I felt that porn was a form of cheating. He said he never does it. Well recently I have been finding it and feeling hurt and betrayed cuz he lies about it. Worst of all he promises to never do it again cuz he sees how bad it hurts me and he still does it. I feel like I gave up everything to be with him and he can't even give up one thing. I told him it is getting inbetween us... And Idk what to do anymore. I feel like he doesn't care because he sees it hurts me and the broken promises .. I feel he does not respect how I feel. Any thoughts?
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Avatar_m_tn
You... you need help. Your husband watches porn, so your reaction is "Maybe I should cheat on him." You need to talk to your husband, and get more sexual with him. Porn can be either something to spice up your life, or an outlet for frustration. My fiancee and I watch porn fairly frequently, either together or apart when we masturbate. When we're together, we have great fun critiquing the actors and the scenes while we settle on a good one to watch and it's a wonderful bonding experience. Your husband sounds like he isn't getting what he needs at home, and considering his wife is too much of a coward to talk to him about it, I'm assuming she's also a prude and he needs the outlet.
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Avatar_m_tn
It's not cheating per say, but it's very disrespectful. There is no one way to have a relationship, everyone is different, some people enjoy open relationships, some enjoy watching porn together. But it's something that must be discussed properly and agreed upon. Personally I do not feel the need to, I also like that I don't since it's a way of being more devoted to her. I know I wouldn't enjoy knowing she get's off watching other guys. Communication is key, and if you are not there together to please each others needs as often as you would like to then ask her for an arousing picture, so you have your visual aid. Just my two scents.
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Avatar_f_tn
I see this is an old post, but I want to put in my 2 cents..

I don't care for porn.. I think it can be degrading (and sad) to both men and women. I don't believe it is cheating. I think, in a committed relationship, honesty is key! Lying to your significant other about it is wrong and would cause that person to question the lying party's integrity.
I think communication is so important in a relationship. If you feel like you need to view porn because your bf\gf isn't fulfilling your sexual needs, speak up! I would be a little upset if my bf watched porn.. but he would be honest about it. He watched a lot of it when he was a teen, and he said he felt gross when he finished masterbating (masturbating).
I don't see anything wrong with masterbation (masturbation)... its natural. Lying about porn and making excuses is not. Its especially wrong when they can't be intimate with their partner.
Porn can be so destructive in peoples lives.. it is really sad how many lives have been devestated because of it. Anyways, again... I don't believe it is cheating if you watch porn.. I don't like it, but we like what we like. And guys, if your girl isn't fulfilling your needs, speak up.. and girls, if its gone to the point where your man chooses porn over having sex with you... it is seriously time to re-evaluate your relationship...

Best wishes to everyone!

I have chiari malformation and less than a month ago had brain surgery.. if I sound all over the place or repeatative, that is why lol.

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Avatar_n_tn
I really liked your comment to the debate and I agree with you in so many ways.
My partner (male) used to watch a lot of porn before we became a couple and afterwards as well. When we started dating it didn't bother me, actually we were watching porn together. I have never really watched porn so I thought it was quite interesting and it turned me on.
But suddenly it started to bother me...we have sex 1-3 a day since we meet each other a year ago. So loads of sex. He is a guy with a big sex drive but luckily for both of us so have I.
I guess I thought his need for porn would be = zero with the amount of sex we have and I have a hart time understanding why he still need to watch porn....
I really understand guys who watch porn because their partner doesn't  have the same sex drive as the other and they have a need
but this is nok the case! We couldnt have more sex, (on less we made a business out of it:)
I told him how I feel about it. I didn't ask him to stop but he said himself that he wouldn't do it anymore if it hurt my feelings and it was only because he wasn't aware it was such a big deal for me. and he said sorry for hurting me and it wasn't a big deal to stop as it was just an old habit to jump on the porn side once in a while.........
But then I find out the other day that he still watch porn which really made me upset.
1. That he was watching porn in secret even though he knows it makes me feel sad
2. But the worst thing is that he lied to me about that he didn't had the need but just a habit. I never told him to stop it ( but because I was really happy when he said that he would and it wasn't a big deal) and then he does it anyway .....aw!
I compare myself to the girls all the time (I am a attractive girl with small breast though) I have no doubt that my partner finds me attractive (otherwise we wouldn't do it 1-3 daily) but I know he likes big breasts and I can't stop thinking and compare myself to the big **** that pops into his face when he watch porn and it is something I don't have....

I'm going to confront him with it no doubt but I just want your opinion on this and maybe some reasons for why he still wants to watch porn even though our sex life is great?

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Avatar_m_tn
My husband is a porn addict, a sex addict and a sexual anorexic. All his life he's thought it was fine to stare at attractive women in public and sexualize and objectify them. Then came online porn. What an insane trip this has been.

Even though I told him repeatedly that I didn't like his secret online porn life, that I wanted to watch porn with him (I actually do enjoy a lot of it) and that I wanted him to stop sneaking and lying, he did it again. And again and again and again. So then I had to face the reality that his online porn activity was more important to him than my feelings. Meanwhile, he's still staring at women who catch his eye in public. And I mean STARING, obsessively, to the point that I was humiliated, first for myself, secondly for the women he stared at.

All the while, over 16 years, we'd have a little sex, then no sex. Four months, six months, finally 18 months and no sex at all. When I went out of town for two weeks, I found porn all over his computer. The list of URLs is outrageous. He spent about 12 hours a day for the first three days, then a little less as the days went on. Of course, he ended up masturbating for two days in a row just before I came home. The whole scene: He crammed in as much porn as he would and satisfied himself sexually before I came back because my presence interferes with his opportunities. That's what I thought...

I printed his URLs and confronted him in black and white. As the truth slowly came out, he was watching online porn when I was in the shower, when I was at the grocery store buying food to make us dinner, while I was at the doctor's office, the dentist's office, the hair salon...anywhere and everywhere. And there's little or no sex for me. But he's had a blast.

If two people agree that they enjoy porn and can use it together, I have no problem. If one person in a relationship is using porn after the partner has expressed that s/he doesn't like it, it's time to stop or get out of the relationship out of respect for the other individual. If porn takes up hours out of a user's day, if he can't say he did one productive thing all day and night, if s/he doesn't want sex with the partner, there's a serious problem. Porn is just the tip of the iceberg. It's all the betrayal, deceit and manipulation that comes with it that makes this so devastating.

My message to anyone reading this is: Get real. Be honest. Be respectful of your partner. Take an online test to determine if you have a sex addiction, porn addiction or any other sort of sexual disorder.

Women: Don't let these men destroy your self-esteem or create body issues for you. We are deserving of the fullness of this life, despite the selfish actions of those who place their sexual fulfillment ahead of your relationship. If your partner is negatively impacting your sexual self-esteem and refuses to stop, be prepared to end the partnership.
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Avatar_m_tn
i know this has been a couple years since you posted but i agree with you. i am going thru this right now...it hurts so bad. i really dont know where to turn. to end it, and to believe him a second time that it wont happen....i dont know how we are going to have sex ever again...before this, i pursued him EVERY night, sometimes he didnt even want to have sex every night...and its still not enough?
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Avatar_m_tn
im curious where do you draw the line ? is it ok to watch a movie that has nudity ? how about a love scene ? how about a movie like 9 1/2 weeks ? how could it be cheating when you are by your self ? that just doesnt even remotely make sense .  watching porn is like any other form of stimulation for either self or mutual pleasure . all men masturbate . when we do we tend to visualize something sexually desireable . and im sorry to say 99% of the times it is not our wives . while our wives are sexually desireable we have you in the flesh and in action . our fantasies are fantasies . if you do not like watching porn then by all means do not watch it . but there is nothing wrong with someone else likeing it . we should all respect our spouses opinions , and we should more importantly respect their needs .
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Avatar_m_tn
how is it disrespectful ? is reading a romance novel disrespectful ? how about a movie with nudity and love scenes ?  if you masturbate thinking of your boyfriend i can assure you that you are in the .000000001 % of people who do . and i can also guarantee you that if your boyfriend is a guy he doesnt masturbate thinking of you . masturbation is a normal and healthy part of our sexuality . so is fantasizing . they are called fantasies because they are not our reality .
i love my wife more than life itself . i am more turned on by her now after 16 years than i was when i was 25 . my fantasies still revolve around which ever super hot starlet or sexy model or porn star that is not my reality .  
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Avatar_m_tn
pretty much everything in excess is destructive . i know a guy who was so focused on getting his business to make a million dollars that he totally neglected his family and lost his wife and kids .
porn is no different than sexual movies , or graphic nudity , or romance novels . they are all intended to stimulate and arouse . masturbation is normal and healthy . i for one like to have either something to watch or something i have seen to fantasize about while doing it .
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Avatar_m_tn
you just said that you feel you are not good enough for your husband because of something he watches on tv or the computer . you also said that your husband cheated on you and that porn is stoping you from rebuilding your relationship . did he cheat on you with a porn movie ? did he take the porn movie to a seedy motel and have degrading sex with the porn movie ? no !

obviously you dont give your husband the one thing he needs most from you ..... a divorce !

if you choose to stay with a man who disrespects your commitment to each other than i am sorry to inform you that YES you do deserve to be cheated on . no one deserves anything more than they are willing to accept . you think you are not good enough because he watches porn .... reality is you are not good enough because you think you are not good enough for a man who cheats on you . it doesnt matter what anyone else in the world thinks of you . if you do not think you are better than a husband that cheats on then you are not .

i worship my wife . she makes me a better man than i ever thought i could be . she has given me a more satisfying sex life than i thought posible . but unless she can give my my harem of rhianna , ciara , the old jenna jameson , and britney spears i will have to continue to fantasize and use porn during my masturbation sessions.
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Avatar_m_tn
how do you mean competitive ? they tried to sleep with your man ? if that is the case you need to do a better job of selecting your friends . if your man cheated than i say good riddence to them both and they did you a favor .
i assume every guy she meets is going to try to sleep with my wife .i want her intensely so why wouldnt others ?  but that has nothing to do with my wife . my wife assumes the same thing of women .
porn is not an alternative to women or sex with your wife . porn is stroking material . fantasy ideas . the excitement of dreaming of sex with women we know we will never have . but it is not reality .  there is no competition .

and really , if your husband prefers to watch porn over sex with you isnt that a big hint that he is no longer attracted to you and its time to move on ?
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That's so wrong it is a lie, to the relationship if it were just masturbating then that's normal behavior but when you need to look at other woman other than your partner to get off sexually and do it on the sly or even if she knows about it that's a road to disaster and its not  being very loyal to your partner. the 2 of you should be the only sexual arousers in your sex life together.
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Avatar_f_tn
i know its cheating..my bf is addicted to it and its ruining our relationship big time...i dont know why he thinks its ok but its not. it really *****. i think and believe that when u r in love with someone that u shouldnt even have the desire to look at other women and jack off to them...i know i do everything right..but im not even comfortable with having sex with him cause of this form of cheating...
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i,m trying to control my porn addcition and i,ve been doing well and everytime i try not to think about it,i always get a urge to do it and i have a gf and stuff and how does porn effect that? and i think about my gf everytime and its like when i watch porn i think of my gf and how did you control your porn problem?
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3137132_tn?1342726544
how did you overcome your porn addiction?
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Avatar_m_tn
It's been proven over and over that most actions weather good or bad originate in the mind.
As a Christian, I believe this even more so as I witness all the events going on throughout the world. Jesus said it best when He said in Matthew 5:27-32 You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'
But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Though I'm not perfect, I do my best to follow the way that will lead to peace and also help whoever my wife would be to also strive to be better and we support each other with God's love which is far beyond what any human can provide thus avoiding all the pitfalls that come with looking at porn and other addictions, weather people admit them or not.
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Avatar_m_tn
Finally someone with common sense! listen people cheating is having sex with another partner, having a relationship with another person, or being intimate with another partner away from the one ur in a relationship with. Porn is a videotape! You dont know them they dont know you. And if you masturbate to it..Its you doing it idc wat you people think its my body i can do wat i want to it. And all you people saying its a sin honestly get a life. 79% of people have sex b4 marridge. 12% of men hav cheated on ther wives. If its all the same to you, nowadays wer all going to hell. You only live life once. ENJOY IT!
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Avatar_m_tn
I agree with those who have said that they don't consider it cheating but believe that it's not healthy when your partner would rather masturbate to porn than have sex with their significant other.  I also don't think it's very healthy to masturbate to sex every.single.day because then you'll come to associate sex with images found in porn primarily.

I've been with my partner for 7 months. I consider myself to be a pretty sexual person and am up for sex just about any time of day. I also please him orally at least once a day (because I enjoy and I know I'm good at it haha).  Well, when we first started dating, he told me (without being asked at all) several times (he would just bring it up out of the blue many times) that he doesn't masturbate (i didn't really believe that part) and doesn't what porn.  I told him i didn't think there was anything wrong with masturbating and told him i masturbate.  i didn't have a strong opinion about porn so didn't really comment on that. He kept telling me things like, "My roommate must watch porn on my computer" (which makes no sense cause his roommate has his own computer) and "My friends are always telling me to check out certain porn videos but i don't need to watch other people have sex to get off" ....again, I was usually just like, "Ooook, whatever?" not really understanding why he would bring this up. Then i checked the history on his computer (not snooping, was looking for a site i used) and noticed porn one day. Ok, whatever. I thought he must just watch it once in a while. Then i started finding it more and more. Looking back, he would always want to stay up later than me at night, no matter how tired he was, and want to stay out in the living room to watch tv. now i know it's because he wanted to watch porn. I would sometimes find used tissues next to the computer even.  One night, i was pretty much begging him to stay in the bedroom and have sex with me but he didn't... he said he wanted to finish watching something on tv. next morning, i find porn on his computer.  he still denies watching porn ever, to this day. so i confronted him that night and told him i thought it was pathetic that he wanted to watch some gross chick have sex instead of having sex with me. still denied it. after that, the porn stopped showing up on his computer but i'd still find used tissues in the living room the next day. last night, i caught him browsing a porn site on his cell phone.  now i'm beginning to think that he said all that stuff about not watching porn because he's actually very addicted to it.  it's making me wonder what else he's lying about too.  i know he's not cheating and i don't think porn is cheating, but it's the outright lying that bothers me. I could see if i had asked him outright, "do you watch porn?" and he lied then, but he would make a point of bringing it up himself quite often even though i never indicated that i thought masturbating or watching porn is wrong.
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Avatar_m_tn
Is Internet Pornography Cheating?

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:

It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.

Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.

Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.

Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.

You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:

Would you do it with your partner standing right there?

Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.

Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?

Does it intrude on your relationship?

Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?
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Avatar_m_tn
I am a woman who hates porn but only because I am very open to the idea of pleasing my husband in any way and I am not sexually shy or inhibited and his need for porn totally perplexes me, esp because the girls are all the ages of my own daughter..
You made a sincere post here, and I appreciate it.
The thing is, you've got to talk to her in a way that is non threatening about your needs, and see if she can come to the conclusion that porn might be a solution to your (mutual) problem. If she isn't okay with it, you need to come up with a solution that solves both of your problems. Otherwise, it is cheating.
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Avatar_f_tn
I've gotten into a few arguments with my then bf now hubby about it. I feel betrayed and it seems super disrespectful to ur partner. It just made me feel that I wasn't good enough for him. He says he doesn't watch it anymore and I just have to trust him but he spends so much time on the computer that it always crosses my mind.
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Avatar_f_tn
i just want to say this i had a major crush on my best friend for 5 years i wanted him so badly. he is so sweet caring generous and kind like always makes a major effort to help people, really devoted to his family and hates it if you put him down.He will help everyone in any way he can n.he is always really good in a crisis to calm me down. He's done more 4 me than ne 1 (well apart from mum) he is a alpha male but underneath i can c he is very sensitive.i  dont understand he care so much if i get hurt by ne thing but when it comes to porno it dosnt matter at all to him. n eway we started dating it was all going soooo well then i found he always watches pornos n its so hard for me not that hes seing other people naked but i get deeply hurt he wants to see strangers performing private sexual acts.the noises the visual its right there. i know its normal n im not angry im hurt. i jus want  2 be the only girl he heaars sees naked.  n i think he says oh im sick or need 2 go home so he can watch it.We are best of friends but it was better before we went out no jelousy no fighting EVER and really fun times always flirting n couldnt wait 2 c each other ,would always talk on the phone dont want to know all these things i know about him now coz hes turning from ledgend to a person thats hurting me.... what is the diffrerence between friends n spouse sex thats y it hurts so much its the one special thing u can share that deines your relationship status so its messing with my head so not cool. advice please
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Avatar_m_tn
So your saying that they are not satisfied with their sex life, and that's why they turn to porn?
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Avatar_f_tn
Its a touchy subject for me too. My huband as well has an addiction to porn. He goes behind my back and jacks off to porn and their has been other incodents of him thinking about my best friend. This issue has gone on for 3 years in our marriage he always says he is sorry. But o feel degrated I feel like I am not good enough sexually for him. I am to fat from having 3 kids. I feel like I just ain't worth being with. And yes he has thought of other girls naked while we were having sex and that hurts me a lot because that just makes me feel even more insacure about myself! Idk if I should stay with someone like this or call it quits at this point in timeq
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Avatar_f_tn
If your open, honest and considerate of your partners feelings in regards to masturbating to/watching porn then there shouldn't be an issue. Problems arise when the activity is being hidden. Emotional, not to mention intimacy, issues will arise on both sides which will negatively affect any relationship. I agree with LosingMyMindInGA, if the activity, any activity for that matter, is hidden from your significant other then there is a betrayal of trust and respect.
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Avatar_m_tn
I agree with u miss Alex, my personal expereince, that most of girls like pron whil geintg sex with her partner, this is the pleasurable way, to improve the orla sex, my wife also like and enjoy it with me, so its not cheating to watch porn with ur partner and do the same thing at this time
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4290390_tn?1368429942
Totally agree. It is my body and if I want to have fun with myself, who is there to stop me? You only live once and it does not harm your body. In fact I think masturbating to porn is the saviour of a 21st century relationship (for my own conscience admittedly - as long as I still have some sex with my partner). Sex is everywhere.. better learn to adapt and live with it than live in ignorance
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Avatar_m_tn
I feel looking at porn is cheating....Matthew 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery'".  Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  According to the Bible, it is adultery and therefore cheating.  Which is why I cannot stand my husband looking at porn.  It is disrespectful, degrading, and just plain wrong and does not belong in our marriage.  Many people think it is normal...it is not.  It goes against God's word!
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Avatar_f_tn
to me it's pretty much cheating when you rather look at porn on a daily basis than have sex with your partner .You are emotionally cheating. You are thinking of being with some else other than the person you are really with. it's the same thing. people just don't want to admit that because they end up feeling guilty. Especially when you have to lie about it or say I'll never do it again then as soon as he/she leaves you Still do it or when you do it and your partner is laying on the bed right next to you sleeping! What else do/could you lie about? Your partner has needs too and they need you to put it down  every once in a while. If you're too busy masturbating all the damn time then how are you gonna give your best performance!? They don't want sloppy seconds because, that's what it feels like they are getting lol. if you don't do that they will start to feel insecure with themselves and go looking for some one who will meet their needs.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ok, all you lame excuse making men...watching porn is self indulgent, self centered and self pleasing. When in a committed relationship, it is no longer all about you...shocker, right? I am really sick of hearing that you (men) have a higher sex drive (I have yet to find a man to keep up with me). Y'all are just plain lazy and whiny snotty nosed brats who want to have your cake and eat it too and then try to pass it off a "natural"...oh, brother.

I have given my husband everything...I mean EVERYTHING. I initiate kinky and adventurous sex. I make naughty videos and pictures...even wearing costumes and wigs. I tolerate and am kind to his lame family. I am an awesome cook. I play like a kid and can be elegant and sophisticated as well. I am an artist and I love myself. And I just caught my husband using Internet porn...I am so not cool with that. I mean, how would he feel if I posted one of my "for his eyes only" videos for other men to see? How would any of you men feel about your woman being a masturbation tool for other men? I mean, I am not technically doing anything "wrong" (not engaging in actual sex) according to your (men) way of looking at it...how about if it was your mother...your daughter?

If you wouldn't be proud to show pornographic pictures of people you love to a bachelor party...then it isn't right. Sex is awesome, I love it...but I have respect for myself and for others. So don't be giving me these lines of malarkey that it is ok, even "normal".

I believe in living a noble exuberant life...and I will remain true to myself and encourage others to aim for higher moral ground. I am not sure on what the future holds for my husband being a part of my life, but he is in deep sh*t.
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4573237_tn?1356669727
I definitely do not consider watching porn cheating. I am okay with my guy watching porn in moderation, as I watch it as well. You can look, but not touch.
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4806352_tn?1359416616
I dont think porn is wrong or even masterbating (masturbating) to it...unless youre single. He/she - if in a relationship -watching porn is watching and being turned on/wanking off to a naked person doing sexual acts who isnt their partner. You are mentually and physically cheating. Imagine if some naked people were having sex in front of you with no contact at all but you were getting off on it, wouldnt that be wrong? Why isnt it wrong through a screen? The only difference is they arent physically in the room. I am not a prude and I do alot of different sexual acts. I want sex more than my bf but still he watches porn.
Ive told him it hurts me and when I try and talk a about it he gets angry. Once he promised he wouldnt do it again and for months I believed him until I found him doing it. I felt like an idiot anddc betrayed. Then we watched it together and found it weird. Then I found him doing it again while we were in an argument- who does that? Im always scared ill catch him and it hurts too much knowing other women are turning him on. Its different looking at someone on tv or in the street thinking theyre pretty but actually getting off on another woman whoisnt your partner just seems like a betrayal imo.  
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Avatar_m_tn
People get around this issue because of the way we ask the question.  Is it Cheating??  Not really, that is if you define cheating as the act of sexual physical contact with someone other than your significant other.  If you define cheating as something more broad, than it is certainly cheating.  
Interestingly, pornography affects us all very similarly.  Pornography drives a wedge in your relationship and your relationship will never, NEVER, be what it can if you are into pornography.  I challenge you not with the question of if it is cheating, but whether or not it is HELPING your relationship.  
In my personal and professional opinion, pornography is never helpful in a relationship.  It does something to most of us that we don’t quite understand. Anyway, it would take a lot more explaining than people would want to read.  If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.  I have the feeling you just want someone to tell you it is OK.
I will say this.  A couple people said men needed to masturbate and we need to have sex.  Sex is procreation and it is super fun.  However, I have never read nor heard anyone dying from going without.  I am not saying sexual activity is not a powerful and driving force in our world.  But necessity???  Think about that one.
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4878267_tn?1360414191
It may not be cheating in a physical form,but let me put it in another way.If I was thinking of another man,when I was having sex with my partner is that a form of cheating.???..I really don't think,my boyfriend would appreciate or feel manly,if while having sex with him, I was thinking of another guy, I saw on the street and found attractive or an actor,I find sexy and the orgasm,he thinks he just gave me,comes from the fantasy,I just created in my head.Woman have to feel,sexy and attractive to have a good sex life and that comes from,how they feel with their partners,but men on the other hands are visual creatures, and need to be visually stimulated to be sexually aroused,so if my partner is viewing other women and masturbating to them,when I'm not around and not using porn as a form of sexual stimil with me, and done with respect,it is a form of cheating,maybe a safe form and but it's done in secret, and lying is involved and the other person feels, hurt and it affects how they feel,in their relationship with their partner,then it is a form of cheating.,It all about a Trust issue and when that is broken,it's hard to rebuilt.

When the both of you are comfortable with it and have no issues with it.then it is fine,it will not affect your relationship,trust or your sex life,because you respected your partners feelings.When you care about someone, you should always ask yourself,how would they feel and what harm could it do,if they found out,
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Avatar_f_tn
Logically, I will demonstrate how it is a violation of the romantic relationship contract.

Now, people will say, "if I merely fantasize about killing someone, should I go to jail for it" - no, you did not commit the murder. Then they compare sexual fantasy, but look at it this way:

If your friend wants to kill you, fantasizes about it, but doesn't actually do it, do you still want to remain in that kind of relationship? Probably not, because the trust is violated within that type of relationship contract. A friendly relationship is built on basic trust. Now, a romantic relationship is built on something a little more complicated: Sexual and romantic loyalty. How can one violate the foundation of that, with their thoughts and feelings:

Well, a romantic relationship is not a government. There are not merely rules to follow and little loopholes, and thats 'ok;' you can screw up emotionally with merely your thoughts and it damages the other person. When someone is fantasizing about people who are not you, it does hurt, just like it would hurt to find out your friend thinks of killing you.

Your partner is living out an infidelity in their mind.

Furthermore, their dopamine reward system doesn't know its not real sex -- and they will begin to associate the people in porn, with orgasm, and that starts the brain's chemical cocktail swirling around in their head, making them feel not only sexual desire, but a general affinity for porn. Their brain chemistry "falls in love" the way they did with you, but now they have created this bond with something new.

Everyone knows thats the quickest way to end romance in your relationship, fall for someone else -- well, it may only be a fantasy girl, but your brain chemistry does not know the difference.

There was a study done where men would rate their partners appearance, and even intelligence, before, and after indulging in porn for a while. The man rated their partner's lower, after using porn. Their brains become rewired to associate women in porn, with orgasm; thats where their interest is now placed.

An article on that study:

http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/

Hopefully those who naively think porn isn't cheating, can glean some knowledge from this, and for those who know its cheating; well, perhaps show all of this to your porn addicted partner. You can find loads of research to back this up if you google it.

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Avatar_f_tn
I sympathize.

I also relate. For the first year and a half, he lied, said that he didn't need it now that he had me. I also gave him naked photos of myself, and I have never once in the years we have been together turned him down for sex. I am not exaggerating. Never. Once. In. All. Those. Years.

He told me that he has a very low sex-drive, and thats why we don't have sex but a few times a month. ********. He is in his early 20s. I am an hourglass, in great shape, more than average attractive by far and men stare at me constantly when I'm out. I am also really skilled in bed. I have no problem getting the guy I want, never have, and they all tell me I'm one of the best, if not the best lays they have ever had.

Here is what happened. Porn addiction. And no, he doesn't hole up and wank for hours on end, he has simply hard-wired himself to prefer it over sex, and he was willing to lose me over porn.

When I met him, he was a virgin. At first, sex was something new and novel to him but then he got lazy and apathetic and went back to what he knows best - jerking off to airbrushed images of women.

We hadn't had sex in a month, and when I even bring it up he will shut down, or RAGE at me. He finally admitted during that month that we hadn't had sex, he had been using porn the whole time.

Low sex drive? Yeah, for -real- sex.

So here I am, in a sexless relationship, while hes pouring his libido into images of other women.

And people say porn isn't a problem.
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Avatar_m_tn
I just got out of a relationship that was destroyed by porn. He would watch it all the time, and even though I begged him to stop he never did. I felt so ugly and worthless. Like, what was wrong with me? I'm a very sexual person and would never turn him down. EVER.

He could never maintain an erection during sex, I'd say by the end he only reached orgasm about 40% of the time. I even forced him to stop watching porn for a week and, surprise, he came many times and we had much better sex. He wasn't wasting himself on his computer so he was able to enjoy me fully. He started watching again though, and we went right back to not being able to complete intercourse. I guess I wasn't worth it?

It broke my heart to see so much porn on his computer, and to know that he didn't want to have sex with me, he wanted those other women more :( I was a fool for staying with him as long as I did, hoping he would change. One time I spent almost $200 on sex toys in an effort to spice things up and be more adventurous, but that didn't do it for him.

I hate that I didn't get as much attention from him as those ******, I hate that I wasn't good enough... how was I, one woman, supposed to compete against the thousands upon thousands of women on his computer??? HOW?!!? It's not fair!

I realize now that I deserve much better. I deserve a man for whom I am enough. One day I'll meet a man who loves me and desires me, and would forget about all other women in the world because I'm everything to him. I still cry myself to sleep at night because my self-esteem hasn't fully recovered. I still cringe when I hear the word "porn" or other related topics because it brings back the awful memories. I don't want the sex industry butting into my relationship again.
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Avatar_m_tn
Porn is kinda like cheating. I'm admiring another womans body, sounds, features, looks... Why do I want to look at porn? Because it's the quickest, easiest way to get off. Constant stimulation of that part of my brain. Always fresh, new, and exciting... I am telling the person that I'm with, "You don't please me enough. You do ok, we have sex sometimes... But I want porn too. Not just you."  What if I had to choose between porn and my future spouse. What would I choose?

The hardest thing for a porn addict to do is give it up. I will be the first MAN to admit porn DOES affect relationships. And it affects my significant other's sexual feelings towards me. Porn is your infinite, forever-satisfying, digital sex world that no single woman can compete with. I don't think it's healthy for a man and his porn to continue into a relationship with another woman. Just my point of view...
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Avatar_f_tn
I think it depends on the relationship.. personally no its not cheating if you are still capable of having desire for your partner
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5532132_tn?1369349470
Viewing porn with the intent to masturbate when you have a partner who is willing to satisfy your needs IS cheating!
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Avatar_m_tn
it is a very good discussion , if a partner wants to masturbate when he/she is not with the partner then what is wrong in using porn to get in the mood , however using porn for sexual gratification when the partner is available maybe wrong.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ok, so I've been with my bf for 8yrs now and I use to love to sit down with him and watch a movie with him, now I cant even sit down and watch one with him knowing hes getting more pleasure from that then being with me. Now its to the point that every time I left the house he would break out the porn and jerk off. So I explain to  him how much it hurts me that he does that without me. He promised not to bring the trash into our home again needless to say hes not doing a very good job respecting my wishes.

So very recently I went on a 7 day family vacation with my grand kids and due to bad weather we returned 3 days sooner. I didn't tell him that I was coming home I wanted to surprise him. But I got the surprise when I walked in to my living room that looked like a sex shop I mean there were toys, movies, mirrors, lotions ect..all over the place. I never felt so hurt and betrayed by what I saw and he had the nerve to turn it around and  say that it was my fault because I didnt tell him I was coming home, that I was a liar and that I betrayed his trust. Whats up with that? So hes saying that hiding it from me is ok as long as I dont see it...wrong!

Im not saying that masterbating (masturbating) is a bad thing or he cant do it, but when you have to watch other people having sex while masterbating (masturbating) is wrong.  I masterbate 2 but I dont need to watch someone else having sex to get off ,I think about my partner. Am I over reacting?
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Avatar_f_tn
Why are you making your life a living hell by watching on what he doea. Its kind of like your waiting on him to do somthing besides. Porn is very addictive and even though its not right people are born with fettishes. They cannot help who they like no matter if its animality, incest, pettite young girls or even rape. If my girl likes torture or wants me to act like im raping her on some foreplay **** imma do so. And guess who go to for info porn. I respect if she doesent want m to look at it but if she wants m to do somthing i never did before im going straight to the enternet
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Avatar_f_tn
I dont count it as cheating at all as long as it isnt interferring with your relationship.
Men (just in my opinion) tend to be more drawn to visual stimulation, women are more mental, so where as a woman might run through the "highlights reel" in her head while masturbating a man might get the same satifaction from watching porn. That being said I know plenty of women (myself included) who enjoy porn occassionally, watching it with my partner is even better.....
each to their own, as long as it isnt becoming a problem in your life and relationship then whats the harm?
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Avatar_m_tn
The website given for the goodmenproject.com was VERY informative.  There is no way that a deep feeling of betrayal and hurt just pops up for nothing otherwise so many humans out there wouldn't feel it as often as it exists.  There is a reason for it and people just make up this horse crap to make their actions okay in their heads.  I caught my guy 3 days ago for the second time (we've been together for 13 years) after I told him the first time how it made me feel (about beginning of this year).  He never once came off as that kind of guy and always downplays other guys for doing that stuff or disrespecting women in general.  He had no comment when I confronted him the first time and I think that should have said something to me then.  The 2nd time he had the audacity to say that his "new" computer already had it on there and was wondering what the mystery file was (whatever; it was clearly a website).  I mean, REALLY?!  I've been contemplating in my head on whether or not it's best to let him be to do his thing and just end the relationship.  I KNOW this is not for me and I won't put up with it.  I'm sick of crying over it in private too.  I know in my heart it's been going on WAY more than just twice.  And from reading other comments that probably explains why he has trouble getting off when we have sex.  I'm not sure how I'm going to confront and talk about this in a loving way because I do love him but I know this will destroy us. No one deserve to feel this kind of hurt throughout their lives.
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Avatar_m_tn
You can masturbate to porn, but only if your partner is okay with it. If you carry on and don't care, it will make them feel insecure and trapped. You also should let your partner know that they are better than anything you've seen on the screen, and that participating in sexual activities with them is what you'd much rather do. I am a guy and I think that it is easier than it is made out to be to avoid masturbating -but that's just me-. If you are doing something your partner is uncomfortable with then you should stop, because it is a sacrifice you should make for their happiness.

You can debate for a long time about how it is cheating or how it is right and wrong to watch porn. But at the end of the day we're debating that because some relationships are fine with it and some aren't. But this is your relationship. If you prioritise porn over your partners comfort then it is natural they will have a problem with it.

And it is true, masturbating will happen, especially in a long term relationship. But if it makes your partner happy then my advice is you just do something with her over webcam, use pictures of eachother and masturbate without porn and your partner in mind when you start to feel the need for it.

Often people that masturbate over porn act like it is impossible to give up porn for the sake of anyone. But it is not impossible, because I can easily manage without it and just use the thought of my partner instead. If it really is impossible for you, then you may be in love with the person on the screen and not your partner.

Your relationship is what you make it to be. Every relationship is different, but you need to make sure that both of you are comfortable with the things that the other person is doing. Otherwise one of you begins to suffer.



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Avatar_m_tn
Long distance* is what i meant to say
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Avatar_f_tn
When my boyfriend watches porn, he imagines doing all that stuff to me. He is disgusted by hookers, sluts, and porn stars, so I highly doubt he plans on running away with any of the women he sees. He just wants to see some boobs, you know? So no, I don't consider it cheating. It's just an outlet, and inlet, I suppose, for sexual fantasies.
Besides, if porn is cheating for men then women watching their chick flicks should be cheating as well, since most of those films have at least one sex or implied sex scene and half the reason women always watch them is to admire and pine after the guys in them. It's basically porn, womanized. And it isn't cheating either.
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm confused. Are you watching porn by yourself? Or another guy? Or with your wife or girlfriend?  Sometimes a couple needs a little "kick start" or help with intercourse, nothing wrong with that. But 2 guys watching porn or sitting by yourself watching it seems a little strange.
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Avatar_m_tn
I've been married for 12 years, and waited until two years ago to have children because my husband kept looking at porn. I thought he finally saw the light and stopped, but a couple of weeks ago, I found out he was still doing it. Now I have a two year old and am facing a serious dilemma over what to do because I know for sure now that he is never going to stop, but I don't want to raise a child alone. Just so many emotions going on right now. Sorry you're going through this too. It's awful.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes, porn can destroy a marriage. But if you talk it out as a couple it can be used as a sex tool.. We watched it occasionally together before lovemaking and it really enhanced the moment for both of us.  Over time though, my wife realized deep down that it wasn't right. We still have great sex even though I still watch porn and masturbate.  Sometimes one just needs a release when your partner isn't "in the mood".  Remember, guys are different than girls. So, I guess your at the point that my wife was at. Talk it out. Is it interfering with your sex life? If so, porn is not a good idea. It should never take the place of lovemaking. In my case, I could have sex every day, so my masturbating to porn once or twice a week is not going to hurt our lovemaking.  Hope this helps.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm in the same situation very touchy object for me it's really a turn off I've told my husband times he stops for a little bit but it all starts all over again as a woman I don't like it's disrespectful he's not respecting my feelings for its a turn off and I don't understand why he keeps doing it disregarding my feelings. I don't know what to do anymore. It's a very touchy topic for me and I know exactly how you feel:(
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139792_tn?1299416777
If one is satisfied sexually he will not find other sources like porno.There are number of website, which can help to learn technique of good sexual activity for male and female. Male and female dear exercises are good beginning. one can kege each other.One can pick up some technique from kundalini yoga. One can try different postures. Research different methods and try. .
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Avatar_m_tn
To masturbate in a relationship isn't wrong or cheating, in fact it could be quite the opposite. It could be the key to more sexual desire and more thrilling sex. It is only in the male nature to take every opportunity to feel pressure, so if she thinks that it is cheating, she turns into the bad guy for trying to withhold you from pleasure. If it is good a religious reason, than don't argue about that, but it isn't cheating. If you want more information, visit http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200906/okay-so-he-enjoys-masturbating
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Avatar_f_tn
I think Porn is a very complicated issue.
Many married and single men will say it's normal and harmless.
I view it as not that harmless, when it is done in a way that married men hide to watch porn.
And is it really that healthy when it's watched together as a couple?
For me, if my husband needs to look at other women to masturbate when I am not around, and hiding it from me, that is not OK. Confident or not about my looks, it just doesn't seem OK to me. It's cowardly to me, morally disrespectful.
Which ever way you slice it, I can't look at it as healthy. Why would women have to deal with their husbands looking at other women and being ok with it? What's the point of marriage? Why choosing one woman if you have to still look at all of them? That sounds like torture to me. And that sounds like bringing a spouse into a shaky marriage and a lot of trouble down the road.
Some married men already can't help looking at other women when walking down the street, with or without being with their wives. And so wives should let their husband masturbate to other women online?
To me, looking at porn/ other women online is not wanting to admit you are not in your relationship 100%. it's not wanting to address what you need and maybe not addressing some issues in your life. It's looking for something that isn't there already... meaning there is something else you need!...
Why isn't anyone telling men that just because so many of them watch porn and hide it from their spouses, it doesn't make it OK?
Why are these men marrying anyone if they can't help looking at other women and masturbating to them?
Why can't they stay single and be honest with themselves and others?
I have not needed to masturbate to any other guy, in my marriage. I haven't needed to get emotionally involved with someone else either. I've put my mind to my family. The day I feel shaky about my sexual relationship, if ever, I'll tell my husband. I won't hide away and do other things just because I can.
Why are some of these men exempt from that?
Why is morality so flexible?
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