Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Debate: is watching porn cheating?

I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think.  Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other?  Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
129 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Its disrespectful if your partner makes it clear they find it hurtful, dont like it or view it as cheating. Some people may be ok with masturbating over porn on a relationship and aren't bothered , others find it only ok with there partners participation or knowing of it and some people really dislike it and personally feel insecure when their partner looks at photos or videos. Every relationship is different but if your partner is not ok with you watching porn and it would upset them then you shouldn't out of respect
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Even if you see a woman exercising or in a particular mode, it gives the impatient as of porno.
There must be a way out to thin of sex in some other way which make it a sacred thing. There are books how to covert sexual energy into mental energy and mental energy into spiritual eneery. Focusing on this aspect can help to reduce sexual disorders. patch work will not work.  
Avatar universal
You can masturbate to porn, but only if your partner is okay with it. If you carry on and don't care, it will make them feel insecure and trapped. You also should let your partner know that they are better than anything you've seen on the screen, and that participating in sexual activities with them is what you'd much rather do. I am a guy and I think that it is easier than it is made out to be to avoid masturbating -but that's just me-. If you are doing something your partner is uncomfortable with then you should stop, because it is a sacrifice you should make for their happiness.

You can debate for a long time about how it is cheating or how it is right and wrong to watch porn. But at the end of the day we're debating that because some relationships are fine with it and some aren't. But this is your relationship. If you prioritise porn over your partners comfort then it is natural they will have a problem with it.

And it is true, masturbating will happen, especially in a long term relationship. But if it makes your partner happy then my advice is you just do something with her over webcam, use pictures of eachother and masturbate without porn and your partner in mind when you start to feel the need for it.

Often people that masturbate over porn act like it is impossible to give up porn for the sake of anyone. But it is not impossible, because I can easily manage without it and just use the thought of my partner instead. If it really is impossible for you, then you may be in love with the person on the screen and not your partner.

Your relationship is what you make it to be. Every relationship is different, but you need to make sure that both of you are comfortable with the things that the other person is doing. Otherwise one of you begins to suffer.



Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
The website given for the goodmenproject.com was VERY informative.  There is no way that a deep feeling of betrayal and hurt just pops up for nothing otherwise so many humans out there wouldn't feel it as often as it exists.  There is a reason for it and people just make up this horse crap to make their actions okay in their heads.  I caught my guy 3 days ago for the second time (we've been together for 13 years) after I told him the first time how it made me feel (about beginning of this year).  He never once came off as that kind of guy and always downplays other guys for doing that stuff or disrespecting women in general.  He had no comment when I confronted him the first time and I think that should have said something to me then.  The 2nd time he had the audacity to say that his "new" computer already had it on there and was wondering what the mystery file was (whatever; it was clearly a website).  I mean, REALLY?!  I've been contemplating in my head on whether or not it's best to let him be to do his thing and just end the relationship.  I KNOW this is not for me and I won't put up with it.  I'm sick of crying over it in private too.  I know in my heart it's been going on WAY more than just twice.  And from reading other comments that probably explains why he has trouble getting off when we have sex.  I'm not sure how I'm going to confront and talk about this in a loving way because I do love him but I know this will destroy us. No one deserve to feel this kind of hurt throughout their lives.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Ok, so I've been with my bf for 8yrs now and I use to love to sit down with him and watch a movie with him, now I cant even sit down and watch one with him knowing hes getting more pleasure from that then being with me. Now its to the point that every time I left the house he would break out the porn and jerk off. So I explain to  him how much it hurts me that he does that without me. He promised not to bring the trash into our home again needless to say hes not doing a very good job respecting my wishes.

So very recently I went on a 7 day family vacation with my grand kids and due to bad weather we returned 3 days sooner. I didn't tell him that I was coming home I wanted to surprise him. But I got the surprise when I walked in to my living room that looked like a sex shop I mean there were toys, movies, mirrors, lotions ect..all over the place. I never felt so hurt and betrayed by what I saw and he had the nerve to turn it around and  say that it was my fault because I didnt tell him I was coming home, that I was a liar and that I betrayed his trust. Whats up with that? So hes saying that hiding it from me is ok as long as I dont see it...wrong!

Im not saying that masterbating is a bad thing or he cant do it, but when you have to watch other people having sex while masterbating is wrong.  I masterbate 2 but I dont need to watch someone else having sex to get off ,I think about my partner. Am I over reacting?
Helpful - 1
5532132 tn?1369345870
Viewing porn with the intent to masturbate when you have a partner who is willing to satisfy your needs IS cheating!
Helpful - 1
202436 tn?1326474333
I think it's a form of betrayal...when you are with someone you should be with them mind, body and soul.  You shouldn't have a need to see any other person naked.

I've been dealing with a type of sexual addiction with my husband.  It's degrading to the other person.  It can make them feel insignificant, not good enough, ugly, betrayed...and so on.

Some people have no problems with pornography but like another post said, if your partner has a problem with it then it shouldn't be done.  

There is also the the fact that the other person may begin to feel that their partner is "envisioning" other people during their own sexual activity.  

Sorry, this is a very touchy subject for me.  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
The correct answer is so obvious. NO
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think its ok as long as the other partner is not being left out intentionally ...ie.one partner is mad at the other for not wanting to fool around and is using it as to say **** u ill masterbate watching porn ...i dont need you ..type of sernario. !!
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
ya, that sounds about right. Thanks for posting.  
Avatar universal
I made a point of making videos WITH my husband so he could use those instead of waching the ****** on the internet. Today I discovered that it doesn't matter. He's going to do it anyway and I'll be honest with you, it feels like cheating.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I made videos too! I feel like when he jerks off to other women he is getting off to the idea of ******* then, which is cheating. You shouldn’t be cumming to the idea of cheating on your spouse. That in itself is cheating to me.
Avatar universal
Two years ago i read a study that watching porn while having sex is a sexual dysfunction that affects many men born in the 1990ies, The reason was simple, they grew up with easy access to internet porn, when they entered adulthood the habit had become second nature so they were not able to have normal sex with real girls, when the porn was missing they were unable to ejaculate and some were unable to achieve and maintain an erection.

Porn is not cheating, those guys do it because its the only way they are able to have sex.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
losingmymind,

i totally agree with you, my fiance' has been watching porn almost daily even after i told him it hurt me.  He said he stopped after i told him that but I know he hasn't which hurt me more because I know he's lying to me now.  I also know hes hiding in the bathroom with me home and masturbating.  I am a VERY SEXUAL person who loves every aspect of intimacy and sex. I never turn it down, love snuggling and trying new things. I don;t understand the need if I;m right there and willing.  
He has all the classic symptoms of a Porn Addict (If you haven't read about them look it up) he's withdrawn from me , less sex and touching (with me) its all about HIM and I have to initiate.  
Do I think its cheating YES. Sex and Intimacy should be with your significant other, if you are seeking it elsewhere then why be in a relationship?  Get out instead of hurting someone else!

solostandupset
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I'm in your situation. He tells me he hasn't watched it for ages but know he's lying about it! He rarely touches me anymore and it's always me that's gotta go in for a snuggle or ask for a kiss etc. I wanna scream and shout at him about it but he always turns it on me and says I shouldn't be upset because yes he's with me. but doesn't come to me when he feels the urge and that hurts me massively!
Avatar universal
My husband works on the road and we only see each other a week out of each month. He looks at porn and masturbates to it but is also very open abt it. I'm not mad abt it. I'd rather him do that than actually cheat on me.
Helpful - 0
16643713 tn?1449992936
In Japan, Most men don't need Porn. For the reason Women submit to their lover, than the women just say no, I don't feel like it tonight as us men JUST DIED INSIDE!! Feel unwanted!!!! You women what us to talk and show emotions as we men get shot down of not now, not tonight honey, not in the mood....so ******* what!!! You had to get things done you had to do and now your lover wants you, submit to his emotional needs or here coming CHEATING that YOU asked for of denying his EMOTIONAL HUMAN NEEDS to be loved by YOU!!!! So Yes 85% of young and old men do it, because women don't play along with men fantasy as you're the fantasy. You want to be wanted it, here you go!!! NO HONEY NOT IN THE MOOD!!! ALL MEN SAY: WTF!!!! I get rejected by my own lover. why? Women body chemicals change having sex, so while you're mood is not there. It w'ill be there when he's pounding you after 5 mins. Female brain will 100% react turning your body chemicals to be turned on and in the moood 100%. This is a fact!!! Remember you reject us loyal men to many times. Well us men will think, I in the mood for a long time as I'm rejected this long. I'm going to get some action as rape is wrong and against the law. So I'm going find someone or look at porn to feel better of the sexual energy build up needs to be released.
Helpful - 0
16643713 tn?1449992936
Thank You!
Helpful - 0
139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sex is a sacred thing. If a couple is fully satisfied with each other , there will be harmony in a family and this will end up with healthy family with happiness. The moment you start watching porno, your subconscious mind imprints these frames occupying space in your psyche and reduce your source of energy.Watching porno means you are hungry all the time and not satisfied with your partner.If research is done on mind because of porno, I am sure we will find many mental disorders.Real sex, full body orgasm, ans waves of love encircling the couple will make a big difference. This can happen if you are not a watcher.Most of ED patients are porno watchers.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
MY TAKE: Porn (used secretly) is kind of like cheating in the sense that it is like shopping for another partner. I understand it also kind of not because you don't actually get physical with another person. But...you aren't behaving in a way that typically leads to greater closeness, intimacy, or mutual pleasure.

It is turning away from your partner instead of turning toward them. (I'm not talking about porn that is used together with partners or porn that is used when the other person knows. That's different.) In my view, x-xxx porn used in secret is more like cheating than it is not.

Think of it this way. Imagine I go online to look for some new shoes. I can pick any kind, any style, any size. I customize my search and then pick the pair I want. The website lets me look at them from different angles, zoom in/out, maybe find something similar or the same style in a new material. I could click around all day just looking for new shoes. I think about outfits that different shoes would match. And I definitely think about how they would look and feel on my feet. Maybe I don't even end up actually buying any shoes. I never put them in my cart - or if I do I just don't check out. So my feet never go into that new pair of shoes. But although I didn't go ALL the way through the purchase process, you can be damn sure I was shopping. And when I have to wear my old shoes, I'll definitely wish I had that new, cute pair to wear even though I love the shoes I already have. Since I went shopping around, I know what I'm missing and I resent not being able to have it.

MY STORY: Apparently husband watches porn. We are intimate a lot (I rarely say no. Even during the week that it is not possible for me, it's bl** job week for him.) He doesn't think porn is a big deal. I just found this out quite by accident as he asked for help with his phone. He was with me when I found it. I didn't comment much except to say I was surprised and that it seems a bit like cheating. He said he doesn't equate it to adultery at all.

If it isn't a big deal, then... would it be ok for me to get texts from some guy with pics of his penis? Let's say I don't know the guy at all - I just get pics. No convo or anything back from me. Just all **** pics every day. My husband would be Furious. He would be angry about that. So why should I tolerate him actively seeking out other women to look at.

Maybe that's the trouble I have with it (in my own relationship.  Obviously it is not going to mean the same thing to everyone.) It's that he is shopping around for someone else and I'm supposed to be ok with that even though he would not tolerate the same from me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What if it is a Long Distance Relationship? Would porn be ok to masturbate? I see alot of replies saying its degrading to masturbate when im not there blahblablah but I dont see anything about long distance relationships.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Porn is cheating...you. fantasizing and thinking about touching and being with someone else. That's emotionally and mentally cheating. To compare it to a chick flick is stupid. There are not completley naked showing all body parts as in a pornography. They are sometimes doing crazy sexual things. I'm going through something right now as well. I feel like its cheating. He is committed to me. And I to him so why is it ok to look at another woman completey naked touching herself or having sex with someone else. Im not shy in the bedroom either. I'm pretty adventorous so to know that he watched porn upsets me Bc I have a very high sex drive .  Porn is cheating and the people that justify it whatever....if your young and single by all means have a great time. Being in a monogomous and committed relationship is just that!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just because most guys do it doesn't make it right we have our views and I believe porn is cheating because you are making your wife feel like she is not as good as these women in pictures and videos. I see no difference in a man physically sitting there and watching it happen and on a computer screen. The only difference is with it being online you can hide it easier. The man is searching on the Internet for a sexier lady than his own.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know that didn't really make much sense but short story cut short porn is cheating it's like looking at someone's bum In th street why would you understand this but if your wife was to be angry at you looking at fully naked women is that okay
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Would you find it okay for your wife to watch sexy naked men have sex? It's like looking at another ladies bum with your wife by your side in public.Your girlfriend/wife would be angry about that and you would understand but it's different if it is on a phone or computer screen where another lady your man is admiring is fully naked "Honey it's normal for men to do this I'm not cheating I'm just looking at naked woman and having secret desires for them demoralising women and treating them as sex objects". I believe porn is suggesting in order for the man to feel satisfied they need to search "sexy lady porn" more like "find me a sexier woman than my wife". This is how a woman and young girls Feel. I am only 16 yet these are my views. I think porn is just as bad as having intercourse with someone else but your partner because, because watching these videos or looking at these images makes your man think "wow I want to have sex with her" because the sexual pleasure takes over your mind. So why is porn okay if it makes your man feel separated from you for that length of time he is looking at porn? And I understand some women are just as bad but the majority of comments are about men watching porn.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I fidn it strange that it has become acceptable to watch peoples lives get ruined and sexually degraded while we touch ourselves and make our partners feel hurt..all for what???
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree it is degrading, my husband too is addicted.  I have told him how I feel, he lies about it even when I have placed a recording device in the bedroom while I go to work, and had webwatcher installed on his phone, tablet and computer. He does not have sex with me, he threatens me, calls me all kinds of degrading stuff and still refuses to admit it when he is caught red handed.  he even tried telling me it was a movie he was watching on t.v.. I cant afford to leave and he wont leave.  As long as I keep my f.... pie hole shut I am safe, I am sick and tired of this.  I work full time hours, he's retired he has been doing this our whole marriage but I was too stupid to catch on until 15 years ago, we have been married 30.
Helpful - 0
10080829 tn?1407682946
  "Nothing good comes from it?" You must be using it incorrectly.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Sexual Health Community

Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
Avatar universal
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.