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Does fingering lose virginity?
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Does fingering lose virginity?

Hi, Im an 18 year old female, Ive never been sexual with anyone before. I started started seeing someone & it wasnt boyfriend stage yet. I told him no sex before marriage but he fingered me. He always said I would still be a virgin if he did that & did it anyway. I didnt even like it & he did not ask me once if it was ok or if I do not want to do it. He did everything to me apart from put his penis inside. The next day he did it again & I started bleeding. Does that mean Im not a virgin anymore cause my parents told him 'dont have sex with my daughter' He kept saying its not sex but he is the first person to touch me there with things. Afterwards I felt really weird. This happened on Friday night & most of Sat. I bled three times. What is this weirdness that Im feeling? I feel like Ive done something but not. Does that mean Im not a virgin even if his penis didnt go in? My parents will just be upset if Im not one. How far can a finger go in the vagina? Im upset & nervous to tell my parents what happened. The guy hasnt even called me back or asked how I am. Why did he do this to me? I trusted him. Can anyone tell me what this weirdness Im feeling is. Thanks for your help.
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23 Comments Post a Comment
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2112720_tn?1334333882
You might not be a virgin anymore. You said he used things? Vergin's only bleed when the hymin is poped..aka cherry. If he was being forceful it is very possible that he did take your verginity. It's time to tell your parent's love. Also never ever trust any man. They always thing with one part, and it's not their brain. Im sorry to be the one to tell ya this...But you won't bleed after penatration if your hymin has already been broken. You will if you have started your period, he may have scratched you up there, or he took your verginity because he was too rough with you. Only one way to tell is to get a pap smear and they can tell if you are or are not still a vergin.
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1958787_tn?1325379891
Fingering can cause your hymen to break, WHICH IS AKA YOUR VIRGINTY seal.
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1527510_tn?1392304944
It depends on how you see virginity. I don't see fingering as losing your virginity, I see sex as your virginity - either anal or vaginal.

Like stated above, fingering (if he goes deep enough) can break your hymen, and cause bleeding. And some would see, that breaking your hymen means you're no longer a virgin. However, these days because girls are so active their hymens can break just by doing sports, or even using a tampon so just because of that, it doesn't mean they're no longer virgins.

You're still a virgin, in my eyes. His penis wasn't anywhere near your vagina to cause any type of penetration. Women can masterbate, and finger themselves - does that also mean they're not a virgin any more? No.

You're fine, don't worry. However, if this guy hasn't called to see how you are then maybe re think this one. If you're going to let a guy finger you (which is somewhat intimate) then he should be caring and you should know each other. The fact he hasn't called to even just see how you're doing kinda shows to me, that maybe, he's not worth it.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for your replies. I told my parents what happened & they are now reporting him as a rapist. He told my parents he thought it was 'foreplay' & didnt know it was same thing.
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1527510_tn?1392304944
Did you consent to him doing it? If you did, then it's not rape, hun. If you let him do it and didn't try to stop it in any way, then he's being accused of something he's not done.

Obviously if you tried to stop him doing it, then that's different. I would agree, that it is more foreplay, but obviously if you don't consent to it then it's along similar lines.
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2112720_tn?1334333882
I agree with kitkat, If you agreed to him doing it, and you didn't stop him. You can NOT accuse him of something he obvously did not do, wether you parent's agreed to it or not, if you did it's not rape.
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Avatar_f_tn
I asked him 'will i still be a virgin if you do that' & he said yes. I didnt actually give him an answer, he just started doing it. He is 28. He just kept saying it okay, its nothing your parents wont mind. I felt a bit pressured cause he didnt actually give me time to answer. I said are you sure you should be doing that & he said yes, why do you keep asking me this. I dont know what his intentions were.
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Avatar_m_tn
First I think its only rape if he has had full sex with you, fingering you could proberly count as some kind of missdemer in the states, bodily assault come to mind, without your consent, but you will asked some wired questions about just how he could do this if you were clothed, you must have been in a provocatived position for this to have happend, and 2 nights on the trot, as to still being a virgin only a doctor could tell, the bledding could have just come from him being to rough and you being to dry.
At the end of the day after 2 nights you will have some hard questions to answer, silly girl, and why somebody 10 years older?
Good Luck and girl you will need it.
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1527510_tn?1392304944
Maybe he should have slowed down, but men don't always get an idea from what you say. You need to be straight with them - yes or no. The fact you didn't say no to him, means that he wouldn't have realised that you didn't actually want him to do. He just probably thought you were unsure or nervous, and he was trying to reassure you.

I really wouldn't count fingering as rape. Rape is forcing someone to have to have sex against their will - that's not what happened here. Your parents should realise this. I think they're been a bit too over protective and over the top on this issue. If he was planning on having sex with you, and he was the rapist you/your parents are making him out to be, then he would have went ahead and had sex with you. He didn't, though. All he did was finger you, which I know you don't seem happy about, but I think it's more guilt towards your parents.

If your parents weren't hadn't said 'don't have sex with our daughter' then you might not have thought twice about the fingering incident. He didn't force this one you, finger you against your will whilst you were telling to stop. That didn't happen, therefore, it's not rape. I hope for your sake, and for this man that your parents and you stop these proceedings going ahead. This man could something on his criminal record if he gets charged with this, when it's something he's not done. Which isn't fair. This will effect the rest of his life, he could lose his job or worse, his home. Are you willing to let you and your parents ruin someone else's life just because you're afraid of your parents? He didn't rape you, hun, so please don't let this happen.
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Avatar_f_tn
So sorry to hear that happened to you. I havent been fingered but my guy always wanted me to give him oral. And now I was confused too. I think your parents have every right to report him if they told him no sex he shouldve listened. We need to stop these men who like to take advantage of innocent people. Kitkat what if you had a child who was pressured & scared to say no. You wouldnt want him to be walking free would you? He shouldve thought about his job, family before rushing in & doing those things to her. Her parents told him no sex & he shouldve listened. He is an ******* & should be punished for what he did. No guy is allowed to take advantage of anyone. He is 28 & shouldve known that from the start. I hope these charges do go further. Her parents wouldve trusted him too & he was going behind their backs & he obviously knew what he was doing.  He is a scum bag & lied to her & her family. I am sorry this happened to you and hope you & your family find the justice you deserve. Get that scumbag off your streets. Hes probably doing it to someone right now. Hang in there hun. Message me if you need help or advice. X
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1527510_tn?1392304944
Most parents tell their kids and their kids partners or who ever they're seeing 'oh don't have sex' and many of then don't listen and do what they want.

I'm not saying what this man did was right, but he wasn't told he couldn't do it so in his eyes and most likely in the eyes of law, he did nothing wrong. That's the thing about men- you need to tell the directly, not hum or haw or go around the subject. Telling someone you aren't sure or don't know if it's a good idea, doesn't mean you don't want to do something. Especially to a man. He was probably thinking your were just nervous because of how protective your parents are, and so he wanted to reassure you. Maybe he should have stopped altogether. But most men, unless told NO, don't see a problem and will continue with what they're doing. I understand she might have been scared, but that doesn't make it rape.

Rape is being held down, forced to have sex against your will even after you've said no to doing it. That didn't happen here, and it's not rape.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ive never been fingered so I dont know what happens to the body after he does. I think she is still a virgin though. Even though he touched her there. I think she feels like she isnt one coz his fingers touched her insides but that doesnt mean anything does it? But I still think if someones parents say dont have sex with my daughter then they should listen. Maybe they shoyldve said sex & foreplay but someone being 28 & shouldve known better & not do anything. If someone says 'will i still be a virgin if you do that' if I was the guy I wouldve thought maybe her parents dont want me to do this either. Me & you both know he was already planning on doing that to her since her parents said no sex. Maybe manny never wanted to have sex with anyone & felt if it was coming from her parents directly the guy wouldve listened. She said shes never been sexual with anyone & maybe her parents told her bf the same thing so I understand why she is panaking. I still think he is a scum bag though.
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Avatar_f_tn
My name is Brenna and I am sorry that he pressured you. When I was ten years old I was raped by someone I thought was my friend. I tried to tell my mother, she just thought I was making up stories so after that I never told anyone until about a year ago. I felt used and dirty and betrayed. I felt like he stole something from me and in a way he did, he stole my innocence, my hymen was broken but technically I was still a virgin because I never consented to have sex. The man who did that to you...he can't get convicted for rape but he could get charged for sexual assault. In this situation even if your hymen was broken you are still a virgin in my eyes
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Avatar_f_tn
Hy I just want to know...I've never putted anything on my vagina but I do watch porn n mustrubate in a differnt way...does that mean am still a virgin?
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Avatar_m_tn
I put put a pencil in my ***** and it felt the same
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7808984_tn?1406684565
wooooow  ur so funny that or im missing the point here  , i cant belive what im reading here   ill just smike and move on
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Avatar_f_tn
No matter what she did or who did that to her if her hymen broke she is no longer a virgin sorry.
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Avatar_m_tn
no that is stupid.  she is still a virgin.  the definition of a virgin has nothing to do with the hymen, it's a matter of whether or not she has had sexual intercourse... which she hasn't.  
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Avatar_m_tn
relax and dont loose your sleep over it. Virginity is lost when you do intercourse. Lot of people break their hymen while masturbating. I find it a little odd when you say you did not want it and yet he did it. Is that so easy? did you really wanted it? it is only you who can answer it. you are young and my only advise to you is that be firm with your partner on what he can do and what he cannot.
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9237352_tn?1402530374
My boyfriend fangered me to and when i got home i was bleeding andnow my stumic is acting weird and i don't eat as much as i did and when i have to go to the bathroom i got to go right then idk if he poped my hymen but i feel werid now......comment plzz.
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Avatar_f_tn
Let's get a little more technical here. A hymen does not 'pop' it tears but only sometimes. Sometimes it just streaches. A tampon could tear it. Because the hymen can heal there is no medical vaginal exam to determine virginity. There are many cultures that have medically inaccurate ways to try and determine if a woman is a virgin, but they are not accurate.

Virginity has everything to do with a penis entering the vagina.


To the poster above, it sounds like you have a urinary tract infection. Go to the doctor.
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Avatar_f_tn
Being in the criminal justice field.... if you don't voice no or push him away or do something that for sure tells him you don't want it then they can't charge him with anything. Btw if it goes as far as court they can access accounts such as this and your txt msgs... reading everything you've said. Todhhi and about him any indication that says you brought it on and wanted it means you can be charged for filing false police report. Think before you do anything next time and if you don't want it say NO. scream it if you have to!
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Avatar_f_tn
"Virginity" is not a medical term.  Whether or not your hymen is intact does not make you a virgin.  Virginity is the state of never having had sexual intercourse.  

Having a broken hymen just means you have a broken hymen.  It doesn't mean you're not a virgin.  Some women are born with naturally open hymens.  Some women's break by doing sports or getting injured.  It has nothing to do with whether or not they are virgins.

If your friend bled while being fingered, there's two possibilities:  1.) Her hymen broke, 2.) The guy didn't know what he was doing and/or was a little rough and he did some damage down there which caused her to bleed.
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