Dual sexual problems... Unable to get aroused and too-large boyfriend.
I'm 17 years old and sexually active as of earlier this year.
However, since a few months before I was 16, I have been unable to become sexually aroused. I feel almost numb down in that region whenever I try to stimulate myself. I am able to orgasm, but only a specific way and again, with no true arousal. It takes less than thirty seconds and I can do it several times in a few minutes. I remember what it was like and I miss it terribly. I stopped masturbating for three months, hoping that would help but it did nothing.
Now that I have a boyfriend, I have another concern. I'm 5' tall, 95 lbs, and during sex, it's painful. To say the least, he is quite well-endowed and it's painful to have sex with him. We've had sex multiple times and three out of four times, I've bled(including my first time, which was with him). I always have to have him stop, otherwise it hurts too much. I believe this is related to my first issue, as arousal helps lubricate and expand the vagina before/during intercourse. We've tried foreplay for extended periods of time and it does nothing for me.
With both of these problems, I'm at a complete loss. I want to make him happy but I don't want to be miserable the whole time either. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do?
I would suggest somewhere you feel comfortable and I know you are a bit young but I a think if you are having sex a drink would relax you. Use plenty of lubricant and I hope in time when you get to know this guy better it will help. Good luck
You DO NOT need to drink first. Not only are you underage, but this is not going to help anything. That was some of the most irresponsible advice I have seen on here. Drinking first can lead to masking pain your body is experiencing, causing more damage, and is not going to help at all. Taking a bath together, having a nice massage, lighting candles, relaxing music, low lighting, all of these things are relaxing and add to a romantic evening.
If you are not able to become aroused, you should find out why. It could be medical, emotional, or could be the guy. He may not be right for you, and your body is telling you. Have you been under a lot of stress lately? Talk to your obgyn, he/she may be able to help you.
Lubricant will help, make sure he is going slowly and being careful with you. Don't worry about making him happy, you are only 17 so worry about making yourself happy. I'm glad you are asking for advice. Continue to pay attention to your body. Good luck to you!
I have your same problem!! I used to think I was weird not human or something ur story made me cry cuz I know how you feel and I thought no one would understand or be able to help me but let me tell u ur not as bad as me. From your story it insinuates you used to enjoy sex right? and since u experienced it before you miss it. Well for me its been worse, I have never enjoyed sex in the 6 years that I have been sexually active I am 21 years old now Ive had a few boyfriends to come to realize it wasnt the guy doing something wrong it was me, im not right down there?? I feel nothing and like you said yes it becomes painful since ur not aroused, I know these people are giving you suggestions and I hope it does help cuz it hasnt helped me I have tried it all :( I even faked enjoying it but like you said you wanna make him happy but you dont wanna be miserable! someone told me I wasnt alone and that I would be surprised to realize there was other women in the world with my same problem, they told me I should go to sex therapy, I think you should too. I have not gone yet but I think after all the trying for years it wouldnt hurt to c watsup, I wish you luck and I hope you find a solution :)
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