I'm sorry, this is going to be a bit much, but I'm going through a tough time in my life right now because of this, so any help would be VERY appreciated.
I'm a 19 y.o. very fit guy who just got into a relationship in march with the girl/woman (feels weird saying 'woman' at this age) of my dreams and have been regularly having sex (or trying to) since. I was a virgin before this relationship. Side note, I had been masturbating frequently since probably age 15-ish...often once every day (sometimes with porn, but I don't think it ever got bad enough for that to be a factor. Now, porn disgusts me).
Another interesting tidbit is that I seem to be very easily distracted. If I get any sensation at all in another part of my body during sex (tired arms, itch on my leg, etc) my mind seems to lose focus on what really matters and I struggle to not go soft in her. Very frustrating...could it be ADD?
And yet another important point is that I can't really 'turn on'. It's like my brain has set up a mental barricade, stopping me from feeling the essential emotions. It bothers me because my girlfriend can get turned on from even the littlest of things. I don't know what to do about this one...could be connected to long-term low self-esteem and/or the fact that I haven't been in a relationship in a while.
The problem(s): I have trouble getting/staying hard for her. Pretty much the only thing that gets me hard is my girlfriend straddling me, naked. I've never had trouble getting and staying hard while masturbating, and I randomly get hard doing random everyday things, but when we're naked, it immediately goes soft. Which leads me to some form of anxiety, but I don't consciously FEEL anxious at any time, even during sex. I still believe it must at least be psychological, right? And what do I do about it?
Another problem is that during intercourse, I gradually get numb. I can usually last something like 15-30 minutes before it's so numb I struggle to stay hard/climax. And it's only my member that goes numb, nothing else. Could it be from all the masturbation in my past? Has it killed the nerves in the shaft? if so, how long am I looking at for it to heal?
--Thanks a TON in advance. It means a lot if anyone could help. (and i can give you any additional info if this website allows)
I think your problem is a Psychological one. Once the mind gets into a negative state it becomes a catch 22. You start thinking you're going to lose you erection and you do. You should talk to your GP for further advice.
Yeah, I think it's definitely a psychological one...just wish I knew what to do to get out of this rut. I've seen this kind of thing before while drumming--I can't do something, and it puts me in a rut until I manage to overcome it somehow. Things like this can be extremely difficult for me to get out of...that's what worries me.
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