Fiance isn't interested in sex

[RebeccaMae1983]

My fiance and I have been together for over a year.  We have a beautiful 4 month old daughter.  When we first started having sex we had sex every day and it was so passionate.  Honestly we were always having a good time and went out alot and had a few drinks before hand.  

Our sexual relationship was really good until I was about 7 months pregnant.  He said it had nothing to do with me or the way I looked.  Looking back now, I know he was telling the truth because he was always rubbing my stomach and cuddling at night, but he didn't want to have sex.  

Sex did pick up after our daughter was born and July of this year was like the beginning our relationship again.  Sex every day and lots of affection.  August came along and the sex became almost non existent.  It's now September and I finally asked him about it.  He said it's not me, there is something keeping him from even thinking about sex.  He said he loves me, finds me sexy, and is attracted to me, and the sex we do have he loves, he just can't get his mind to think about sex.  

I honestly don't know what is going on with him.  He has no trouble getting an erection or keeping one, he just isn't interested in sex.  I don't think it is anything to do with his testosterone because he will have spurts where we have sex all the time then we have long dry spells.  

I love sex with him and feel so awful and unloved because we go so long without sexual affection.  

[Bluejayy]

You can't go without no affection. Your relationship will not survive. Sex is love and the glue that bonds relationships together. Without it you will eventually stray.

[RebeccaMae1983]

I'm going tomorrow to buy him some ginseng.  He said he'd try it and see if that helps.  He's really trying to please me, but it's hard to go w/o that affection that I need.

[PainOfLife]

That's tough, but I think you two will be just fine. You're a very lucky woman; it sounds like you have a very fulfilling relationship overall. I'd say just give it time and do everything you can to show him that you love and support him through this period. Keep him away from soy products and other libido killers, and find a way to pamper yourself while you wait.

[RebeccaMae1983]

Meant to say he was unemployed for a long time and recently started working weekends.

[RebeccaMae1983]

He was employed for a long time and recently started working on weekends.  He said he isn't worried about money because we have our basic essentials and he's happy about that.  
He has suffered from depression, but says that isn't what it is either.  We spend all of our time together and we both enjoy it.  I do think if he got a full time job he would be happier.  When he was working full time we missed eachother like crazy and couldn't wait to be together, but sex was still lacking at this point.  
Our daughter is a very good girl and he is excellent with her and loves being a daddy.

He has had episodes like this in his life before previous to me, so I'm honestly confused about it.  When I asked him about it he said he really doesn't know what causes it and he feels awful because he feels like he isn't pleasing me.  

[PainOfLife]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it can be to keep an uplifted sense of self worth when we aren't actively desired by the one closest to us.

Has anything changed in his life outside the home? How's work? How are his friends and family? Does he spend a lot of time away? Does he have a history of depression? He may be distracted, and distractions are usually temporary. I wonder also how he's adjusting to having a cute new demand in his life. Parenting can be very hard on the libido.

I hope the best for you. For now, patience and communication will get you through.