I am 26 years old and have a very strong sexual drive but my husband has none at all. We have split up and are now trying to work things out and make our marriage work. The only problem is he has no sex drive and mine is very strong. I want it everyday and he doesn't want it at all. I have tried everything I can think of to get his back and to let him know it is a problem not having a sex drive but nothing is getting through.
We had a major fight yesterday morning and he told me he loves me and would do anything to save our marriage. So last night we actually had sex and it wasn't the slightest bit good at all. I was like this is what I have been begging for all month. No I didn't tell him that just in my head. So the real problem is when we do have sex it s*ucks bad and I am left wanting more and feeling as if we didn't do anything at all.
Since we can't seem to comprimise on this and it is driving me nuts then I just don't want a sex drive any more. I have tried to stop thinking about it and tried to just give it up but I find myself having the urge extremely bad and even being irratable because of it. How do you get rid of the urge and get rid of the want to have sex??
You can't just stop your sex drive. What you need is marriage counceling. And when having sex talk to your husband and tell him what he can do to please you better. Communication even with sex is the key.
Thanks for replying but I have tried numerous times to tell him what I want. I even tried to stop him last night and kept telling him no I am not ready but he wouldn't listen. On top of that I have recommended marriage counseling to him several times and he gives me numerous excuses on why we shouldn't go. I love him but I don't know how much of this I can handle.
As you probably know a marriage takes work and if one party refuses to work then it will fail. he is setting this marriage up for failure.
You have a couple of choices...have an affair which I would never recommend, tell him it's either marriage counceling or you break up again and for good, or live with no sex and bad sex when you have sex.
i know someone in your exact same position, she has chosen to have an affair. Her husband found out a couple of years ago about an affair she was having but she went back to it because of lack of sex and affection from her husband. He probably will find out again.
I have to agree with Vance on this one..... if you have done everything you can and he still does not take this problem seriously then the Marriage will not work... you will continue to get frustrated and upset and this will cause more and more arguments.... And the sex is probably not good when it occurs bc he is probably not too in to it and feels forced (which is not your fault) There really is nothing you can do to diminish your sex drive... marriage is about compromise and I would hope your husband would want to work on the sex issue since it means so much to you..... and HECK thats not a bad issue to have :-), I just hope that all works out for you and hubby....Good Luck
I suggest you research the word Kegel Exercises" You and your husband can try these exercises. It will be a novelty as well as boost up sexual libido.
There are some acupressure points which can stimulate libido. If he sees possibility of regaining sexual potency he may wiooninly take up the exercises and he may try to find out other methods to boost up the desire and performance.
Patting part of perineum , a triangular muscle between vagina and anus with a cloth dripping cloth will sooth the sexual desire. And if man's perineum is massaged it will stimulate desire for intercourse.
Thanks for all the advice. The problem is he won't go to any kind of counseling because he doesn't see a problem in our sex life.
I will do the massages for me to relieve the want but as far as me doing something for him it won't work. He flat out says no! I have even tried to massage him and pamper him but nothing.
He absolutely doesn't want sex no matter what I try. Well I say that but when a delivery guy started flirting with me and I told him about it all of a sudden he was horny and all for having sex. I still had to guide him to my "G" spots, which I find a little irratating since we have been together off and on for 10 years. He should know how to please me by now.
Well, that's a good sign about the delivery man, don't you think?
I think you should explore that direction, and tell him more about stuff like that, and also bring up the possibility of having an affair and see how he reacts.
I agree with Vance. Being homophobic does not mean you are not gay at all. Did you see 'American Beauty'? I am also wondering if part of his turn on about the delivery driver was HIS being a man. I mean, I don't know that, but keep it in mind, OK?
I plan to start telling him more often when someone hits on me. As far as the gay thing I will keep that in mind. Maybe that is why me being bisexual doesn't turn him on more. Most guys go crazy to the thought of two women but he doesn't.
Yes, just keep everything somewhere in mind. It just doesn't seem to be 'YOU' from what you are describing. But you need to know, especially if he is gay, because otherwise this will hurt you on many more levels than the most 'immediate no meeting of you needs.'
I know what it's like, and in my case I started believing that no man was attracted to me at all, when he was just gay.
One way of telling is, that when men are gay, they are always paying attention to who is watching them.
But of course I don't know anything. I am just concerned for you, as you should really have a wild and healthy sex life. it's not all about sex. it's about being alive and expressing your life energies, right?
yes it is about sharing our life's energies but we don't. Our marriage is that of an old couple. He comes home about 20 minutes after me and we cook, clean, get kids off to bed, and then we go to bed. There is no excitement at all. He doesn't listen to me about things that go on at work. He doesn't flirt with me. I don't feel as if he is attracted to me at all.
Like I have said before we are trying to work on our marriage since we are just recently getting back together from a seperation. I don't want to nag him all the time about having sex with me. That's why I am asking if there is a way to lose my sex drive. Not only that but I start feeling weak and like I am liable to take up the offers I do have to have sex.
It might that he has been having sex on the side and see's no need to have sex with you. His desire to have you after another man hit on you could be his way of keeping you to himself but being able to do what he wants without you knowing. He may also have had an affair awhile back and never told you and feels guilty about not telling you and that keeps him from wantning to be intimate with you.
something that often really works is the use of 'paradoxical intention'. You do sort of the exact opposite of what he expects from you. You become more like him would be a good choice in this case. (what I mean is that you play that part for a while) No way can he not be affected by this if you do that, and change his ways. it's like physics. of course this is not a permanent solution but it may just wake him up, and he may start noticing you. (which would be a first step)
The routine would be broken.
Don't listen to these guys you can actually get rid of your sex drive, but.... this takes determination so you have to be sure about what you are doing before you proceed. Now first, there are medications you can take. But these only TEMPERARILY decrease sex drive. Plus they cost money and have side effects.
Now, and keep in mind this only works for the long term, the way to get rid of your sex drive is to:
People will tell you that when you stop masterbating your sex drive will just increase until you do something sexual, but this isn't the case. Yes, your sexuality will increase at first, but the longer you go without masterbating, your body will slowly adapt to the sudden loss of sexual activity by lowering your sexual desire.
No sexual thoughts, or thoughts that cause sexual arrousal of any kind.
If you find yourself getting a dirty image or thought in your mind, immediately stop, and in your mind say that what you just did was bad and keep correcting your thoughts until your mind stops thinking them. Seriously, regardless of what other people will tell you, you can train your mind to think the way you want to, but not without resistance. You just have to be determined.
No more cholesterol.
cholesterol is a steroid made by your liver to help your body absorb vitamin D. Unfortunatly in addition to blocking your arteries in large amounts, this steroid also increases sexual desire. Since your body already makes quite alot of cholesterol, theres no need to be eating any more. Avoid foods in high cholesterol at all costs.
Try love instead of sexual desire
What do i mean by love? I mean loving everything about a person without feeling any sexual desire. The next time you look at your husband try to look at him, seeing and loving everything about him, without feeling any sexual desire. You will find that this emotion is more satisfying then sexual desire anyway, deeming sexual desire worthless.
Avoid shows on TV about sex, or anything that arouses you. No need to make things harder on yourself. However, only do this for the first couple of months. You need to be able to see these things without being sexually arroused eventually, (otherwise that would mean you still have sexual desire). So after doing all these things for a few months, try watching a sex scene without feeling anything or getting aroused.
make a point to look at attractive people without getting arroused.
You will be forced to look at people that others would consider attractive. When these moments come, simply focus on not being arroused.
These are all the things I can think of right now although im sure ive forgotten some.
I have the same situation wish I knew how to solve the situation. I would like my sex drive to disappear and never return. I love my guy but I feel so unwanted and unattractive because of the lack of intimacy I've tried begging, sexy clothing, lingerie telling him how attractive and how sexy he is and get no response. I'm at my wits end.
I have the same situation with my wife. It's frustrated me to the point that I just want to be a non sexual entity.
I have tried talking to her about it and it just makes her feel depressed. I've considered the affair thing but never went through with it. I've even gone so far as flirting with other men online to get some sort of sense that I am sexually appealing. I've tried ignoring her sexually to get an opposite response from her. She knew what i was doing and told me ot wasn't going to work. I've bought her a wide range of toys, all of which get packed away and never see the light of day.
I really don't want to force her into anything because it just causes a rift between us. I also feel like when she does consent to sex it's because she feel sorry for me. I get the overwhelming sensation that she just wants me to get it over with. She has one orgasm and she's had enough. I want to please her for hours but she's starts getting annoyed if it takes more than 10min.
I just want to be independent of my sexual desire and not feel like a want her all the time.
Where did you get this information? I have been trying this but though it worked to a large extent while i was single, it has proven almost impossible whilst in my current long-term relationship with a girl who is my best friend and who I love very much. Both of us have been through bad experiences and I have seen the destructive consequences of sexuality. It is subjective and irrational and any love that is dependent on sexual gratification is in my opinion not true human love. Did these techniques work for you? Please tell me more. I want to be free of these urges as though I never had them. Right now for me there is no time better than me then after I have masturbated or had sex with my girlfriend. But not for good reasons - only because I am free of desires that cloud my judgement and drain my energy, and I can be myself for a short time... If you have any useful links or tips aswell as the sources of your information, I would be truly grateful.
I am I. The same boat as you. My wife has no sex desire what so ever. We have been married this summer for 24 years. This sexual difference has always been a HUGE issue in the marriage. She now will service me on a regular basis. But it is absolutely clear to me that sex is a chore. It is serving has must be endured and completed. Kind of like doing the dishes or mopping the floor. At best for her it is like washing the car. It needs to be done but takes time and effort. But after it is completed it is nice.
My wife has told me that if we never had sex again it would be no big deal at all to her. Totally devastated me. Sleep is so far ahead of sex in priority for my wife I can almost plot out out sexual activity based upon what time she has to get up in the morning. If she goes I. To work a bit later then I have a chance. If she has to be to work early hell would have to freeze over. OR she does it just to shut me up. And then it may as well be having sex with a blow up doll with the amount of interest and "into it" she is. Truly no quality.
She has been this anti sexual ever since we were first married. I had hoped that after getting married the taboo of sex would be eliminated and she would grow into her sexuality as we grew together. Nope!
It is sad. I feel pain for all who have this polar opposite disparity in Sex with their spouse. It is foundational and builds resentment. Not things that are good in a marriage.
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